Friday, May 13, 2011


I am so excited to see all of the homecomings. I am so happy for all of my friends. I am so thankful that they are reunited and their kids have their Daddy's back safe. But at the same time I can't help but feel a little jealous. I can't help but wish that we could have had that simple homecoming. We just wanted Chaz to just get off a plane and move on with our lives, just like we've done after ever other deployment. I told Chaz I just keep reminding myself that we just got our homecoming a little early.

I know this is totally normal. The one thing I have realized in all this is if you do not acknowledge your feelings then things will get worse and you'll explode over something ridiculous. So ladies I am jealous. I am jealous that you get to just move on while I get to travel an uncharted path and try to figure everything out. I am jealous of everyone who gets to just live a normal life. I am jealous of those who don't have people look at you with pity. I am jealous of those who don't have all this medical and Army drama. I seriously just want our lives back. And I know that will all come with time. But like the rest of our generation I want instant gratification. I want to push the easy button and make Chaz well, build the home he needs and move on with our lives. But I know that will not happen and I am prepared to keep moving forward towards that goal no matter how long it takes! This is where I thank God for all of my stubbornness.

So how do I get past all this jealousy? I simply remind myself that we have so much that others may not have. Chaz and I have an incredible relationship. Many people will live their entire lives without half of what we have. We are so blessed. I know that we will come out of this even better than we were before. I remind myself this is all temporary. It will pass. We will get our lives back and they will be better because of all of this. We will be examples of courage and strength to our little girls and they will benefit from our trials and tribulations. When our girls grow up they can look back and say wow look what mom and dad had to go through and look how they handled it. We are and will be an example of courage under fire for them. They already have our DNA and we will enhance that DNA with knowledge of how to handle stressful situations with grace, faith and strength that comes from within.

Please know my joy and happiness supersedes any and all negative emotions. I am a happy person. I am a thankful person. Because of my thankfulness and joy I can acknowledge and move past any anger, frustration or minor set backs. But if you don't acknowledge those feelings then they will take over like a virus. And I will not allow that. I will not allow those negative feelings deter us from the path we are on. I will not let them ruin the awesomeness God has blessed us with. I will give them a passing glance and move on with our journey. God has great things in store for us. Look at what He has done already. I know there is more to come. God just keeps putting these incredible people in our path. And we are so thankful for each and every one of you. We are thankful for all of your prayers,smiles,  emails, facebook comments and messages, letters, gifts and all of the above. Please keep it all coming! Thank you for everything!
Have a great day!
=) Jessica

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