This morning I find myself with so much to say but just not sure how to say it. My head is simply running amok with what ifs and what should we dos. The past few weeks have been full of ups and downs and then a fire. We have now found ourselves at a very difficult crossroad where we will hurt someone's feelings for sure. It is inevitable. But who do we hurt? Where can we do the least amount of collateral damage?
This past week I witnessed how the words of others can really do a lot of damage. I watched as a caregiver was attacked on a public facebook page by an unknown source. All she could do was sit there and watch as the lies appear again and again. I told her more than once to look away, but I know she didn't. I can testify on her behalf that the words spoken were all lies. Of course my words, only helped with the residual damage. The hurt that was inflicted on her will take a while to heal. However, she is loved and she will be ok. And if we ever find out who her cyber bully is then Chaz and I will pay them a visit with law enforcement accompanying us.
I myself was hurt this week by both the words being spelled out in front of me online and from a lack of communication. It has definitely been a rough week and now we sit with some incredibly hard decisions to make. Chaz and I laugh at our cheering section because they are not as nice as we are. They are calling for blood and embarrassment immediately. Chaz and I are calling for communication and peace. Our cheering section has decided we are way too nice and we have to stop thinking about others and put ourselves first. To be honest, we just don't know how to do that. I constantly find myself thinking about others and the good of the whole.
When you are faced with a decision that means you could literally crush other people, you should stop and pause. There are many decisions that I have made in the past where people needed the damage to be done. They needed to wake up and get with the program because their actions were hurting so many others. The decisions we have to face right now are similar, yet a little different, but still involve waking people up to see what they are doing to others. Dare I say it, we may be in front of one of the biggest decision of our lives. No matter which way we go, someone will have their feelings hurt. Chaz and I are already hurt over all of it. I have cried so many times now I have lost count. We should not be saddled with such an ethical and moral dilemma. However, it is the actions of others that has brought us to this point.
So what do we do? Do we sit and wait? Do we listen to the cheering section? I truly do not have the answers, but I pray I will be led to them soon.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Last night my alma mater's alumni association honored me by awarding the Outstanding Young Graduate of the Year award. I still cannot believe they chose me. I still am not believing the words that were said about me. It was just all surreal.
I left my hometown of McMinnville TN in 1997 and never looked back. I wanted to just go away and try to be an adult all on my own in not just a new town, but also a different state. My Mom didn't want me to leave, but she knew I was doing the right thing. I did not know a single person at Kentucky Wesleyan College when I arrived. It was amazing last night to have a full circle event like that occur.
Some of my favorite people came to celebrate with us. It was so wonderful to have them there. My Mom who has been there through it all of course made me cry when I was speaking. But to add to the awesomeness of her being there was our little family. Demetria and Ray, who have been our constant cheerleaders and 2 person support crew were there. My best friend from college, Jessica, who let me fall apart on the phone with her when I got the first phone call that Chaz was hurt and then again multiple other times and her hubby, Kyle, joined us. And I even had my own little Kappa Delta cheering section with Katy, Mandy and Megan there. There were several staff and faculty who knew me when also in attendance. It was wonderful for them all to take the time out to be there with us.
I wasn't going to speak last night. I was told that I could just come up and accept the award and go sit down. However, the people before me spoke, so the pressure was on. All I planned to say was thank you. Then my friend, Katy, had to start crying when she introduced me, so she kicked off the tears. She had to pass her speech off to another KWC alum. It was wonderful to hear what Katy had written about me. Then came the Obama call video, boy was that a fun blast from the past.
I got up on stage and looked out to see some many beautiful faces smiling back at me. And all I could think about was how Demetria and I have remained friends even though I left our hometown we grew up in; what a great friend I have in her. Then I saw my friend Jessica and thought, oh my word, we have been through so much together; what a great friend I made while I was at KWC. I saw my mom crying and got incredibly side tracked and then I thought I seriously have the best Mom in the world. Then I saw my hubby and our cuties and thought I am so blessed to have such a great little family who loves me. Then to see my KD sisters out there smiling, I thought about all the fun we had together in our 3 1/2 years together there. I realized my cup was overflowing. I of course was choked up. I'll be honest, I could not tell you right now what I said while I was up there. All I could think about was how blessed I truly am.
So many great friends couldn't make it. That's the thing about being a grown up.....we just can't be everywhere. I have received so many great texts, emails and messages from friends and family telling me how proud they are of me. I am just so very blessed!!! I just want to thank them all for being so supportive of our journey and of our family. I know a few were upset that they couldn't join us. Just knowing that they wanted to be there was more than enough for me.