Saturday, April 16, 2011


You know what is so amazing?! God created the world, the heavens and skies. He gave us his only Son. And yet he finds time to listen to all the prayers to lift up our family and heal us. He can put us through a horrible tragedy, but still show us the light. Our God is an awesome God for sure.

I have come to realize the people who don't know us really think we're crazy. They just don't understand how Chaz and I can be so happy. It is really simple. Chaz is still alive. In 2005-06, Chaz went to Iraq. During that time span, he lost over 30 guys. Do you know what it's like to go to memorial after memorial and hug wife after wife and watch people cry and cry because the soldier they love is now gone forever? Well I know that feeling very well. Chaz and I can be this happy simply because he's still here. It is that simple.

Chaz's friend McSwain stepped on an IED in June 2006. Just like Chaz he was on a dismounted patrol. Just like an infantry soldier, walking along and unfortunately took that last step. Their youngest child is 2 months younger then Ryann, our youngest. I have never forgotten seeing his wife at the memorial holding their little baby and being thankful that it wasn't my turn. To me, nothing is worse then survivor's remorse. The feeling of I am so sorry for you, but thank God it's not me, is horrible. You can't blame yourself for feeling that way it is perfectly natural and completely understandable. I know some of you may feel that way towards Chaz and I and please know it more than OK. We've been where you are and we are where you are. Everyday we encounter a soldier whose injuries are worse than Chaz's. He and I have those thoughts when this occurs.

One of the best things about Chaz's accident, is that the IED only injured Chaz. No one else was injured when he detonated the IED. If someone else had been hurt or even killed by that IED, we would have a big hurdle to get over. But it was just Chaz so he didn't have to climb that hill. He was absolutely shocked when I told him he was the only one. I had to tell him multiple times, "I promise you were the only one." It took a while for him to digest the fact it was only him.

Chaz and I have many reasons to be happy. First, God blessed us with each other and then blessed us with 2 great kids. Second, God put us through various struggles over our lives so we would be ready for this one. Third, God blessed us with these amazing friends, doctors, PAs, NPs, nurses, techs, staff and Army personnel to help us get through this. Fourth, Team Allen itself is absolutely amazing. There are so many more things to be thankful for. We have a very long list. We choose to have that list. We celebrate that list everyday.

Chaz and I are choosing to be victors not victims. What happened to us truly sucks! It sucks in the worst way. But you have choose your path. you can sit down and whine or you can get up and thank God you can see, then thank him you can breathe, and smell and taste and move your fingers and toes around and once you start with the small things then big things are even bigger and the battle just doesn't seem as bad. This is what I do everyday. I thank God that I am still here. I thank him I can be with my little family for one more day. I am thankful I have the important parts of my hubby. He may have lost his legs, but to me those are the easiest parts to replace. I am not trying to downgrade the severity of the situation. I am simply being thankful that I still have Chaz, my Chaz, the man I fell heads over heels for, the man I want to grow old with is still here. He has two arms to hold his girls with and we are getting him up on those "Lt Dan" legs so one day he can run a marathon, play soccer with our girls and then one day walk them down the aisle and dance with them.

One thing is for sure I am extremely thankful for my fellow military wives (active and retired) who understand me completely. I seriously don't know what I would do if I didn't have them. They realize how lucky I am and help make this road easier. They have been to those memorials, they have been in those chairs, they have dealt with casualty affairs. They have dealt with NCOs and all the above and know what I'm working with.

I am thankful for every ounce of support that we have received from everyone. You are all incredible and thank you for lifting us up in prayer. Your support helps us get through this everyday.
Have a great day!
=) Jessica

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