Sacrifice

March 27, 2011 at 6:17pm

I just can't help but feel a little sad that the girls and I came home and had to leave Chaz behind. It is the first time we have left him. For all these years, he has been on the leaving end. It is so weird to be on this end.
For off and on for 12 years now, I have packed him up and sent him all over the world. He has been to more places internationally then I think I will ever get a chance to go. The girls and I are very comfortable with him leaving. It has become normal to have him for a little bit and then only have him via phone and internet. Don't get me wrong we still miss him like crazy, but I made my peace with his job a long time ago. When he deployed to Afghanistan, Deryn didn't even cry, what does that tell you?!
When I met Chaz he said he always wanted to be a soldier and serve his country. I knew going into this relationship that I would have to give him up to his job. The funny thing is when he joined the Army the biggest threat we had was a 6 month peacekeeping mission to the Balkan areas. Then some men changed all of our lives when they decided to fly planes into buildings. As we approach the 10th anniversary of 9-11 it's interesting to see the ramifications of those acts still fail like dominos. And now one of those dominos has struck the Allen household. I have full faith that our leaders know what they are doing, but as I leave my husband in a hospital to heal from an IED I can't help but question some of those decisions. These are the moments I thank God for giving me faith in Him and know that everything will be ok. I want to know how people survive this without faith, hope and love.
And then there's the girls. Our two beautiful girls have grown up with nothing but terror threats and war. I banned the news from our home back in 2006 when the news reported that Chaz's entire company had been killed in Iraq. After allowing them to control my mind and convince me I was a widow, I hit the power button and now only watch the news for the weather. I can't stand the thought of raising our girls in a world of fear. The world is a great place full of exciting opportunities. Our girls need to be aware of the world, but not afraid. This is why we have simply told them that Chaz stepped on an explosion. We do not want them to hate the people of Afghanistan. That is unfair to both our girls and the people of that country. We do not hate the people of Afghanistan. We actually don't hate anyone. We have told the girls that this is God's plan for us and we must have faith in that plan. There's no time for hate in our family. First hate takes up too much time. Hate is an ignorant emotion. If you truly look you will see you only hate something because you don't understand it. We can sit and hate but why. It will not solve a thing. Hate simply creates more hate and who wants to live in that kind of world, not us! And that's not a world to raise children in either.
I also have to laugh at God's sense of humor. I have prayed so many times for Chaz to be ours for good. This is totally not what I had in mind. But I will take it, because I still have him. He may have lost 2 legs, has a broken elbow and a ton of scars, but he's still our Chaz. God saved the most important parts, his heart, his brain and his personality. Since he spared these pieces I knew from our first phone call that everything would be ok. Seeing him for the first time and seeing that smile simply proved that fact. Chaz is one amazing person and together we can conquer anything! I am just so thankfuil that within 8 short weeks our little family will be together forever. I know the easy thing is to pack them up and move them to DC, but Chaz still has a big surgery to conquer and I stand by the fact that hospitals are not the place for children. The girls proved to us this week that we made the right decision by leaving them in TN. Kids are kids. They want to play and have fun. Walter Reed has done an excellent job of thinking about the kids, but the kids still get stir crazy. So we will continue on with our plan.
Please continue to pray for our family. Please especially pray for the elbow surgery coming up. We want Chaz to have as much success as possible. God is listening, please lift us up.
=) Jessica

Love is the Best!!

Our marriage and relationship has never been in jeopardy. The d-word has never been used around here unless we're joking about it, which we do frequently. I always knew Chaz and I went meant to be together. However, we are opposites when it comes to personalities, but we are such a good match for each other. I guess opposites do attract, this is where I laugh in the face of science.


This tragedy has proven to us how much we love each other and how much we need each other. We are the one for each other, no doubts about it. I have always enjoyed that fact that Chaz still gives me butterflies in my stomach all the time. It is amazing that someone can do that to you, even after 12 years together. My adorable hubby can just look at me and I melt. I seriously love it. Thanks to this accident he and I have been able to have many long talks about all sorts of things and I have enjoyed every single one of them. We are so in tune with each other, I can rate his pain for him. Pretty crazy, huh?! He says he hates when I leave because the nurses seem to move a lot faster when I am here. He says I've got them under my spell too.

Then you add in these awesome kids of ours. Seriously could life get any better?! I could sit here and come up with reasons to be angry. I could dwell on why, but instead I can't help but think about how blessed I am. My incredible husband is still with me and together we can finish raising these two little cuties. It may sound simple, but the greatest things grown from the tiniest seeds. That is exactly how I look at our situation. We will plant the seeds of love and hope and we will reap the rewards later. God will lead us through the storm and help us move forward.

I hope that everyone can be blessed with the same type of love at least once in your life. I cannot imagine living life without it. I wish for our girls to have this kind of love. I can only hope they will. I can only hope they look to us for guidance and grow from that. Our journey is far from complete, but with our faith and love this journey will be incredible.
=) Jessica

Last Night!

Last night we decided to venture out for the first time. We had a ton of success with this outing. Chaz was comfortable (which is the most important thing) and we all had a really great time. He wasn't thrilled about his entree, but I think he was looking for something else (something more autherntic). We will venture out somewhere else next time to hopefully find exactly what he is looking for. The girls fought over who was going to push Daddy's wheel chair and truly enjoyed helping him. We had lots of laughs and highly enjoyed ourselves.

We had to park in a parking garage down in Silver Springs, MD. When we went to leave a lady asked me if that was my husband and I said yes. Then she asked is he at Walter Reed, I said yes. Then she says give me your parking ticket. I said excuse me. She says, please it is the least I can do. Unfortunately we had not been there long enough to be charged for parking so she was disappointed. I made it up to her by taking her to meet Chaz. She thanked him for his service. I told her about the Team Allen site and she told us she'd be checking in on us.
Isn't it great that amazing people are still out there?! I love that you never know where the kindness of strangers will show up!
=) Jessica

New Normal

What's does normal look like for us now?

I get up at 6am, this hasn't changed. I get my self ready and enjoy the peace and quiet because the rest of the day will be filled with "Hey, Mom" and/or "Hey, Jess." Usually Chaz stirs long enough for me to give him his Lovonox shot (he had a small blot clot a few months ago) and his meds. Then I make him go back to sleep. Everyone starts stirring around 8ish. I then have to get the three of them dressed, brushed (teeth & hair) and fed. Then we're off to PT and OT.
Chaz is very fortunate to have such excellent therapists. They make everything so much easier. He usually finishes all his therapies in just enough time to go get lunch. We usually dine in his room. We've tried to eat in the cafeteria, but it has been packed lately. Right now we get him for an overnight pass, but we have to check in everyday to be able to get another pass. So the other reason we have lunch in his room is so all the doctors can see him and see that he is still doing very well. You've got to love multi-tasking.
Once everyone has passed through to see Chaz and take his vitals. We get another overnight pass. I have been told when I come back I should get a 3 day pass for the weekend because everything is going so well. In case you are wondering, why are we still in the hospital. Chaz is remaining as an inpatient until he gets his elbow surgery. Once he heals to their liking we will be out of there for good. We could go outpatient now, but to us is doesn't make any sense to check out to turn around and check back in. Chaz really likes his nurses and fears if he checks out and back in he may go to a different Ward. So we will just take passes and do what we have to do! It's very fustrating that the elbow is holding us up! Since we are in an Army hospital we are actually involved in the decision process. In the civilian world, we would have been kicked out at 20 times by now. This is one more thing we are thankful for!
Weleave and  have dinner at the Fisher House. Usually I cook. We are not big fast food/ eating out people. My family enjoys my cooking, so I cook away! Best of all, we have a full kitchen now, which is awesome!! I highly enjoy the Fisher House kitchen. Chaz asked me yesterday if it was the one I wanted. I said I would not complain, at all. It is very user friendly.
We usually let the kiddos play with the other kiddos. Then we snuggle up, watch a movie and go to bed. Sounds super simple, but I have to dose out a bunch of meds (at 6A, 10A, 2P, 6P and 10P) and give two shots to Chaz everyday. He also has a powerchair that we dodge all day, so we can keep our toes. Chaz also has special chairs for every bathroom function. He has already mastered them. I am telling you the man is a rockstar!!!!

The important thing is we areall  doing extremely well. The social worker and child shrink have signed off that they are not concerned about the girls at all. They observed them for hours and said they were amazed at how well they are adjusted. Of course Chaz still has a lot of checkmarks to get through, but it is all hanging on that elbow. They have told us more than once we are ready to go! But we have to finish that elbow. The doctors said we have a lot to talk about next week. Chaz is having more blood drawn today to see if his body is ready for the surgery. If he is, then we can get this last phase rocking.  
Please keep those prayers coming. We want this elbow surgery to be a huge success. The elbow is the hardest joint on your body to repair. The doctors are even concerned about the elbow. They have even suggested Chaz keep it fused, but this is not what he wants, so we are going to be going for it! Please pray hard for his elbow and the doctors and surgeons who will be working on it. God is listening, talk to him!
=) Jessica

Wow! What a Day!!

God is great, but I fear your heart can burst from too much joy?! Just kidding!! What an amazing day yesterday?! I was just excited because the kids would get to see Chaz's new legs. But no my rock star of a hubby has to stand up in them and then once he got his balance he starts to step.

Since Chaz's legs have healed so well they decided last Wednesday to push forward with ordering his legs. I was a little shocked, but trust me these people know what they are doing. When I left last Wednesday the prosthetic people put him in his suction cup shrinkers. They then decided he would come back down that afternoon and would be cast so they make the tops of his legs. He even got to pick out his shoes. He laughed because he had to go down one size for right now. That is so he can maintain his balance to height ratio. Friday he got the call that they would be ready on Monday. I shrieked because I knew our girls would be here.

So yesterday morning off when went to the prosthesis's lab. The girls were a little intimidated because there were so many people. We had several doctors and nurses who wanted to see Chaz stand. In the lab, he stood up and that's when I took the pic of him standing with the girls. This was of course after I dried my face from the happy tears! I was not the only one with tears, trust me. It was an incredible moment. One I will always cherish and it was even better because our girls were there. Mike (prosthesis expert) made marks on them so he could fix them real quick and then we took him to the MATC (Physical Therapy room).

Bo (prosthesis therapist, lady in the melon colored shirt in pics) got him up and then he went for the step. She let him go for it. He took a few steps and then we had him take a break and Mike made more corrections and then we got him to do some of his stretches. He then decided he wanted to go one more round with the legs. That round he walked all the way down the bars turned around and walked back and sat down! Believe it or not, there were no tears here, I was too shocked.

I have to admit I am a little upset that Chaz never told me he was such a rock star. I always knew he was absolutely amazing. That's why I said "I do". I am bursting with pride over the amount of determination he has. I have always been proud of his accomplishments. This would be why I have a love me wall for him in our office to celebrate his awards. It is hard to describe the level of pride you have to see someone you love so much take a huge hit and then laugh about it and kick it's ass! One thing is for sure, God sent me the right man. I am so thankful for that!

Once we were done with all that excitement we went back to Chaz's room for lunch. Once again our cuties were a little overwhelmed with all of the people. But luckily they were the right people, it was the crew of doctors who authorize passes for Chaz. I then put the girls in front of me and then ask for an overnight pass for Chaz. Oh yes, I used our girls. But every one of you reading this would have done the exact same thing. You know his lead doctor didn't even bat an eye and said yes. De was so excited. After they walked away she asked "Does that mean we get to keep him at home tonight." (Yes they are calling the Fisher House home). When I told her yes she smiled from ear to ear.

The rest of the day was spent with the girls taking turns pushing daddy around, playing video games and playing on the playground. A group of volunteers brought the Fisher House Families a yummy Irish dinner and we feasted and met a few new faces. It was nice to eat with some new and old faces and enjoy the beautiful evening.

I can only wonder what God has in store for us today! I hope it's another beautiful day full of smiles and laughter. But never less, our little family is together and we are loving every second of it!
=) Jessica

Our Reunion Day!!!

For those of you who don't know my mom and step dad live about 10 minutes from the airport. It made more sense to stay Saturday night with them and jump on our 10AM flight. The girls loved this idea. They got to sleep over with Grannie and Papa and then go see Daddy. What's not to love?!

As usual I was up at 6ish, but I wanted to wait until 730ish to wake them. De woke up on her own, but Ry happily woke up when I reminded her what we were doing. They were eager to wear their new dresses from Miss Joann (which were freaking adorable, weren't they). Grannie spoiled them with pancakes and Aunt Shelly got to see us off as we walked out the door.

I think we had the fastest unloading at the airport curb for 3 people ever. It was crazy. Those girls were booking it. Ry said more than once that she wasn't missing that plane. We grabbed our passes and went onto security. I was very nervous about the girls and security but one of the TSA guys remembered me from bringing Chaz a heart shaped pillow and blanket (thanks to our NEES family) and told me to come to him. He pushed us straight one through. He said, "Gotta scan your bags, but we know where you're going."

I took the girls down to the play area to run out a little energy before they were packed into the plane. We then went to sit and wait. The attendant then asked for the passenger with the last name of Allen. I went up there to see what was going on. They asked if I could switch seats. I pointed to the girls and said, "Uh no, we're a package deal." The female attendant began to freak out, so I had to ask what is the problem. She informed me that the explosive dog need to be in my seat and they didn't know what they were going to do. I said does the handler have a seat and she says yes right next to you. I said well then I guess we're good. She then informs me that I will not have enough foot room due to the size of the dog. I then said, "So if I agree to possibly lose my foot room can we board this plane." She says, "Yes, this is what is holding us up." I then look at the handler and ask him if he's cool with it and asked if he was an Army dog. He says yes and yes. I then inform him we're family and then look at the attendant and tell her let's board this plane.

So we got settled and I made a new friend. The dog was more nervous the girls were. The dog provided the perfect distraction. He loved me so much that he tried to put all of his 85 pounds in my lap. The handler and I held that poor thing for the majority of the trip. The girls had to shake me off when we landed because I had so much dog hair on me. By the way I had no problems with leg room. That dog was awesome and his handler was too.

Adam and Donna greeted us off the plane and we loaded up to head to the house. Chaz called to let me know he didn't care what I brought him as long as it was food. Ry began to pout and informed me, "I don't want to stop anywhere. I want my Daddy." I told her that her Daddy was hungry and he needed to be fed. She did get over it once we let her choose the restaurant.

We walked into the Fisher House and began to walk past Chaz. He was sitting in the Family room. The girls paused and then ran to their Daddy. Deryn looked at him and almost cried until he grabbed her. That of course made me tear up. She knew he was ok, but it has to be hard to be 5 and 8 and see you Daddy in a wheel chair. He looks absolutely fabulous, but that is their Daddy and it takes a moment to digest it. Before we left and in the car ride over I gave them the breakdown of what he looks like. But it is still one of those things you have to digest once you actually see it. Chaz immediately healed their wounds. He grabbed them and provided them with the reassurance that everything is and will be ok. It took Ry a little longer to digest it, but the pictures tell the whole story. The girls are great, Chaz is great and I am great. Those smiles are not fake, nor forced.

Our girls are so happy here at the Fisher House. Deryn has already made a new friend and I'm sure Ry will too once we find someone close to her age. The girls left Chaz and I to talk with our friends and they played on the playground and in our room. It was amazing to see the peace that seeing Chaz brought them. They were just so happy to be in the same area as him.

On March 20, we officially began our new normal! What an amazing day?! I couldn't have planned anything better than what happened. As I reflect on the day, I still can't believe how wonderful it was. It was amazing to have all of my guilt go away. For now Chaz and I get to have our little family altogether and we are so thankful for it. We will have to return to our one week here, one week there schedule very soon, but Chaz and I realized we only have 8 weeks of that and then we are together for good. We've already done 8 weeks and look at how fast those flew by.

I have no idea what all we will do this week. Chaz was completely shocked that I haven't planned anything. Yes guys, I haven't planned anything. I figured we're only here for a week and that will fly by. Why should I make plans now?! We'll be in DC all summer. We have plenty of time to do things. For one week, I just want to enjoy our family. Being able to have meals together and watch movies is more than enough for me! I am just so thankful to have my family together!

Again we thank you all for your prayers and support! I promise I will keep posting pics as fast as I can. I know you are all as excited as we are. I hope you also have a great week!

=) Jessica

Waiting to take off at the airport

Striking a Pose

Excitement!!!!

So many exciting things are going on around our house. The four of us have waited very patiently for tomorrow. God has been so great! Chaz has healed so well he can now go out on passes. He will get some passes while the girls are there. He may even get overnight passes. Fingers crossed!!

There are so many blessings going on in our lives and we will reveal them all to you as they come along. Let's just put it to you this way. God has lined up all these amazing people in our lives right now to help us on this road. He is making this journey absolutely amazing!!! God is proving that if you put your faith in him he will carry you through any storm and he will reward you for your faithfulness. God is GREAT!!

Here are some of my favorite highlights from the past few days!
Thursday Chaz and the girls made a grocery list (via speakerphone) and planned out the first 3 meals for me to cook when we are up there. They have also decided on the cake we need to make to celebrate our 2nd month anniversary of his Alive Day!

Thursday night Ry was crying because she wanted to see Daddy. I told her if she went to sleep we would be one day closer. So she did and she woke up and said "it worked!!"

The girls are planning Daddy's exercise routine, because De says she knows some things that will help him. They will be following their excerises with smoothies.

We are ready for an amazing week!
Go Team Allen!!!!!