One thing I have learned on this journey is sometimes ignorance is bliss. When Chaz was facing his longest and hardest surgery, I had to ask the surgeons to continue the conversation out in the hall with me. I saw that Chaz was panicking listening to all the details. I would panic too if you stood there and told me you were putting me under and cutting this and that and putting it here and it was going to take 10 hours. So we went into the hall way and talked more. When I went back in, Chaz was a lot more relaxed. I wasn't though, I had just learned everything. I had to leave his room again so I could take a minute and digest all the details of what all they were doing to Chaz the next day. When I returned, he asked me to just tell him what he needed to know and I did. The surgery took over 10 hours and all turned out very well. But we learned from that event sometimes ignorance is bliss.
As I've gone down this road, I have learned so much. The one thing I have learned is my gut has been right nine out of ten times. But when I get proof my gut is right I wish I could just go back to where I didn't know things. I know we've all had those moments. It's those moment when you just want to put your fingers in your ears and say "La-la-la" so you don't hear it. Well we've had several of those since January 22.
We all know I love my happy bubble and I like to stay in there. I don't like seeing the bad in people. I like to think everyone wants to help our soldiers. I don't like finding out anyone has ulterior motives. We have people at the hospital who claim to be there to help out families, but truth be told they are only looking for a promotion. We have non-profits that want to help but really they are being blocked by the non-profits who are not being so honest. To me this is heart breaking. It is so tragic to only have a few people who can ruin things for so many great people. I guess it really only takes one apple to spoil the bunch.
I have to say we have some amazing people at the hospital who are overprotective of our warriors and our families. But no matter how hard they work, some of our warriors will fall through the cracks. When we come across these cases it is heartbreaking. I wish I could do more for these awesome helpers besides just thank them and pat them on the back. These individuals work so hard because they want to help our families heal and succeed. I am just so happy to know the names and faces of some of the amazing Americans that want to see our heroes succeed.
Of course I would love to go back to January 21, 2011, and tell Chaz to not step on that IED. I would love to have my life as I knew it back. I would love to go back to being ignorant about so many things that now I know so much about. But I think God wants to me learn a lot more. I think God wants me out of my happy bubble for at least a few moments. I think he wants me to learn so much so I can strengthen my internal fighter. I really hope I am right with this gut feeling too!