Saturday, March 17, 2012

The Hearts of Others....

When your soldier is injured you have every right to choose how to share your journey, if you choose to share it at all. Let me tell you there is absolutely no right way to share your journey. I have just followed my gut during the whole journey. I have confessed that I don't have all the answers, I just let God lead me.

In the first few weeks following January 22, 2011, I refused all media. I did not want to talk to anyone, which I bet you can totally understand. But when Demetria came up with the Team Allen idea it was the right idea at the right time. Her idea allowed me to share what was going on with us when and how we wanted to. As time passed we were able to share what we were learning in addition to our journey to healing. I love learning so I love that we have been able to share our lessons with others who are on this road or are following behind us.

We realize we are a lot more public than most and we chose this path. We hope that by sharing our journey with others, we will help just one person. If we help just one person on this road then it's all been worth it. Because that one person will help one other person and it will keep going. We'll never know how many people we have helped on this journey, but I know we have helped a few and that means so much to us. We are blessed by our families, friends and communities that love us so much and want us to succeed. We are so thankful that the people who support us so much want to share our journey with others in their lives.

But choosing to be public also comes with some responsibility. You have to know that the many people truly care about your family. They want to see you live happily ever after. It's just not fair to allude to devastating things and then leave people to think the worst. When I see this go on, I automatically think to what are your true intentions?! Is this really about your soldier or is this really about you?! It all goes back to my favorite quote from Margaret Thatcher about watching your thoughts because ultimately it shows your true character. When people post these drama-laced statements it shows me exactly who they are and what their intentions are. To me it's better to say nothing at all then to make a statement and then fall off the grid.

I heard someone once say that fame is like a drug. We all have people in our lives who love the attention. We all know it's always nice to get attention. We all want to feel like we're important. But using someone's illness or injury to make yourself feel better is just not cool at all. Unfortunately we've seen this a few times.

People crack me up. I don't like drama at all, so I don't know why you want to encourage it. I always love it when people say stuff like, "I'm not trying to cause trouble, but..." Yeah whatever follows that but is going to be trouble and we all know it. You told us that in the beginning of your sentence. So if you really don't want to cause trouble, then just keep quiet. That's really the only way to not cause trouble. I don't know your circumstance, but if you keep the drama to a minimum you'll find out your life will get better. Remember when in doubt, leave it out. Or as Thumper said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

I never understood why there were so many medical drama shows until all this happened to Chaz and now I know why. Hospitals are full of drama. What I also learned is people love their drama. I guess since they are now canceling soap operas people are bored and they have to create their own soap opera. Well this girl says no thank you! I'll stay in my happy bubble. Drama pisses me off, just ask our daughters. I tell them all the time I don't deal with drama queens so let me know when you are over it.

I cut my ties with drama queens quick. When every time I am around you it's drama, drama, drama, I will just move along. When I see your Facebook posts are drama, drama, drama, I hide you so I don't see you or in some cases I delete you. Life is so great and full of fabulous if you take the time to appreciate it. I am all about helping but I have had to cut ties with families who want to fan the fire rather than put it out.

Healing a wounded warrior brings its own load of drama, you totally do not need to add to it. If you choose to be public with your journey please don't add to the drama. And if you choose to be public please do not toy with the emotions of the people who are desperately praying for your success. This road is so very hard, why would you do anything to make it harder?! Why would you want to put people in a tizzy?! I guess I'll just never understand.....


  1. I know that the Lord is using everything you're going through to help others, and sharing what you do in the blog is a huge part of it!
    Our hope is in the Lord! Praying!
    Romans 15:4, 13 For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. (13) Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
    My email address

  2. I'm not sure if this post is in regards to Sgt. Jarboe, his family, and their FB page but it sure seems like it. If it is then you are doing exactly what you say you don't like, stirring up drama. You are not showing concern or support for him or his family in one of their greatest times of need but only worried about yourself and how the disappearance of his FB page has put you in a tizzy.

    I would like to say thank you to your husband for his service and sacrifice and wish him nothing but success.

    1. I stand by Jessica, she has the right to publish whatever she wants. No one has the right to say negative things about her. If you want to talk about how someone speaks you have picked the wrong woman.
      There is a different story about the Jarboe family that is not being posted on face book and in blogs. Is any one aware of the story about Jamies mother? Has anyone ever wondered why only his father is mentioned on facebook and no other relatives? No childhood friends?
      Jamies wife and him meet in late 2010 while she was married to the father of her two girls, and she decided at that time "Jamie wasnt really going any where in life" and ended the relationship. When Jamie received his orders that he would be deployed, she sudenly changed her mind. She divorced her childrens father in January 2011 and married Jamie 2-14-2011.
      We all know what happened next was more of a tragedy than words can say..When Jamie was in all those hospitals enduring more than any human should ever. His mother was only allowed to visit once.
      Jamie is an only child. He has a mother, grandmother, aunts,uncles, cousins, friends, etc. Only the chosen few are allowed to visit him. When ever his mother gets close to going to visit him, the wife will move him to another hospital and his mother will start her fight to visit her only child all over.
      After Jaimes insistance he was allowed to speak to his mother on the telephone, for the first time in a very long time on 3-14-2012. Jamie told her he loved her and he wanted to see her and his grandmother. His wife promised she would " fly them out", but it did not happen.The one woman who truly is mourning for him is his mother.

  3. Jessica, if you could contact me when you have time with any questions or concerns you may have. Can you imagine having to watch your husband die, praying that the lord takes him because he suffers, then not wanting him to leave you.. Can you? Seeing all the people hurt on the prayer page and not being able to come to terms with the fact Jamie wasn't going to be there for our children, our life or any of that was more then I could handle.. I chose to close off the page to protect our followers.. Jamie and I lived an open life, he wanted to show people what his life was like, our lives together were sheer he'll and we did the best we could.. Please quit blogging about me and let me mourn my husband...

    1. Melissa, I am truly sorry for what you are going through, but why attack Jess? Do you know for a fact that she was even talking about you? We follow a lot of pages, so how do you know? Please go concentrate on Jamie and those two beautiful girls. They need you. They don't need you with them right now.

    2. Whether it was about the Jarboe Family or not is really irrelevant because it IS about someone. We are in the ranks of the military spouse, we're on the same team. Regardless if we're mourning the loss of our warrior, helping our wounded (physically, psychologically, or both) warrior heal, missing our deployed/TDY/TAD?etc. warrior, or waking up to our warrior everyday we all have our own path to walk and should support each other.

    3. Then when someone stirs up drama and causes harm to those people we love, we have a right to speak out. We are all on the same team, and when someone doesn't act like it, we have a right to defend our community.

    4. Andrea- I would like you to know that there are 2 sides to every story, in fact Melissa is not showing concern or support for Sgt. Jamie Jarboe or his Mother, Grandmother, family/friends of 27 years in one of their greatest times of need but only worried about herself. The disappearance of his FB page sure put his mother and family in a tizzy because Melissa will not allow Jamie’s mother, grandmother, family/friends of 27 years to speak to him nor come see him IN HIS TIME OF NEED and that prayer page was their only knowledge of his condition. Joy Shoemaker’s ONLY CHILD IS DYING so Andrea who is worried about their self?! The Melissa Clark- Jarboe that we all know had the nerve to call Jamie’s mother and grandmother and tell them he DIED Saturday! The rest of you wounded warrior wife’s might be on the same team, but Melissa is manipulating everyone. Shame on you Melissa Clark- Jarboe!

  4. I do not understand your motives in your recent blog. I will pray for you and for your wounded husband, who obviously is an American hero. To speak out as you do, however, with criticism toward another family going through an unimaginable loss - a loss which by all accounts could be your loss as well, appears mean spirited and self centered and attention seeking to those who read it.

  5. First of all, why would Melissa assume this is about her? Second of all, Jessica has a right to her own personal opinion. She is not self centered, mean spirited or anything else just because she decided to take a situation she saw and address it. For one person to assume it was about her when there are thousands we deal with on a daily basis is quite conceited. Gee, I wounder what she would say about my recent entry... I bet she would think it's about her, too. Sorry, we use our blogs as a way to vent, address issues, hit problems on the head, and most importantly, bring to light everything that we have experienced in this crazy and scary new world. When we see something that irks us, we address it. More power to you, Jess!

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  7. First off, let me say that I am also the wife of a wounded warrior. It is something that we didn't chose, but we embrace it, deal with it, and do the best we can to accept it. After reading your post, I am ashamed, disgusted and embarrassed! You sit there and talk about Drama-Free and how respect is a two way street, but what I read was nothing more then a full on bash! How dare you! Do you personally know them, or have you learned about them, like so many have? Have you ever received a hand-out, assistance or gifts since your husband was wounded? Have you decided to open your story up to the public? You may not agree with the choices they made, in sharing their story, but you of all should respect it!! How would you feel if you were trying prepare your children, let them know that their father is dying? Never able to look in his eyes, kiss his lips or whisper "I LOVE you" in his ear? Fact of the matter is, he is DYING! Do you know what that means or are you that cold, you would tarnish the last moments of his life, because of your personal opinion? If you don't like them, then why are you wrapped up in his journey, in his story. You are the one in control to stop yourself. Don't sit there and act like you are the better person, because your actions and words are not! WOW, if I was your husband I would be ashamed. regardless of the situation they are brothers, they fought for the same cause, the same reason and last time I checked- were both fighting for the same reason- hope, love and a family that loves, and stands behind them. Until you know the facts and truth, please don't treat them this way. They do NOT deserve it! The Wounded Warrior Wife community is a tight unit, we all understand. You hurt one, you hurt us all! WOW, Unbelievable. I hope you are able to enjoy the rest of you life, with your husband and pray that you never experience what they are going through!