Last month we were traveling a lot. Now that I actually have time to write I am going to start sharing with you a few of our misadventures.....
Chaz and I had landed in the Nashville airport. Since it was a short trip, we each only needed a carry-on. Of course I also had a oversized purse to hold all the important things. You know wallet, chap stick, prosthetic spray bottle, all the things every one has in the purse, right?!
So here we are.....Chaz is wheeling. I have a carry-on suitcase in each hand and a heavy purse on my shoulder. I am trying to keep up with Chaz the entire time. (Just a side bar, when we travel I don't have to exercise, because chasing after him takes care of that.) This lady was walking next to us during this time. I am sure we passed her ay some point, but we ended up meeting on the curb. What happened next has really stuck with me.
My Mom pulled up in our car to pick us up. She had my car so Chaz had to stand up and walk to get in. I was busy loading the car and bam Chaz's leg locks and he falls. Do I rush over? No. Do I yell over at him? No. I observed to make sure he was ok and let him do his thing. At this time I feel eyes on me. You all know exactly what I am talking about. I, of course, locked eyes with this woman who proceeded to give me the stink eye. Now at this very moment, she was closer to Chaz than I was. But she was too busy formulating judgements and giving me the stink eye to care. Oh yes, yes I caught her glance and I just smiled the biggest smile at her. And of course she did the Hrmph noise, crossed her arms and looked away. Chaz saw it too and made a laugh about it later. He even asked if I felt the daggers she was throwing from her eyes.
Here's why that has stuck with me. The average civilian is ignorant to the life Chaz and I and so many others live. The average civilian does not understand that when my hubby falls I will not help him unless he gives me the signal or asks. The average civilian sees a man with artificial legs or sees a man sitting in a wheelchair and immediately jumps to sadness. They think aww that poor guy. The average civilian is full of pity and sorrow. Then when they put two and two together and realize we are together they immediately think I must be the beck and call girl. The average civilian doesn't look at me as a wife or partner in this marriage they see me at the constant attendant. I must drop everything and stand on top of Chaz at all times as if he is incapable of doing anything for himself.
My hubby led men into battle. My hubby saved lives. My hubby is a Hero and I will treat him like nothing else.
My hubby is an independent and stubborn as I am. My hubby is a proud man. He wants to do as much as he can on his own. What he can do on his own without assistance is now horribly limited and I will not take any of that away from him.
So no, if he falls, I will not rush over. Chaz and I are so wired together now that I know what he needs and when he needs it. Some might hate that, but I love the connection I have with my hubby. I love being able to read his mind. (Sometimes it does drive him crazy. Except with food, he loves it when I cook what he thinking about.) If he needs me, he lets me know. Many just do not understand what this life is like and that's totally ok. Our life would be a little better with fewer stink eyes in it. Unfortunately stink eyes come with this life that God has chosen Chaz and I for and we are ok with that.
Today I ask average civilians to please learn this lesson from stink-eye. Please know that sometimes things are not always what they seem. Sometimes Heroes fall down and they don't always need help getting back up. Those who love them the most do not need your evil stares and dagger eyes to let us know that you do not approve of our actions. We have enough stress in our lives that we don't need to add the extra judgmental incidents to it. Trust me we have all accumulated enough. If you are truly that concerned about the person then please just ask if you can help. It really is that easy.
Great post and lesson to be learned. <3
ReplyDeleteMy husband broke his neck 44 years ago and walked with crutches for many years.When he fell people would rush and I would stay back knowing as you do how much his independence was to his well being. He is in a wheel chair at age 71 but still runs his backhoe as well as his tractor. Being independent has kept him not only physically but mentally well.We have a closeness that many couples don't understand so I praise you and Chaz for not allowing yourselves to be come part of the victim mentality.
ReplyDeleteI was all ready to jump to the defense of 'stink eye lady' until you got to the part where you mentioned she made no effort to assist your husband. When I see someone fall, I don't care who they are, I would rush to offer assistance. If they accepted my assistance, I would probably give anyone with them the stink eye for not offering to help. If they said they did not need my help, I would understand and realize why their family/friends didn't rush in. We all need to learn the lesson to not judge others until we walk in their shoes.
ReplyDeleteI had the priviledge to see the Wounded Warrior Amputee baseball team play local first responders this year. I was sad with what they all had to deal with but the ultimate feeling was 'damn, they are amazing'! I hate what Chaz has gone through but moreso impressed with how he moves forward.
PS: I don't see you as the 'beck and call girl' but part of a well-oiled team.
Thank you for sharing insight that some of us don't have from experience. I'd never consider you as "the beck and call" girl but honor your connection as a well oiled machine. I like your simple advise: "If you are truly that concerned about the person then please just ask if you can help. It really is that easy." Thank you for your husbands military service, your family's commitment to life, and encouragement that life is a team effort!! You offered me hope and inspiration today. Thank you. smm
ReplyDeleteThank you for an excellent piece! I hope it is widely read and understood. Of course, there will always be those who feel they have to sit in judgement of everyone else, but in the end they really don't matter. I honor you and Chaz, and I'm grateful for both of you.
ReplyDeleteI honor Chaz for his service and the sacrifice he has made for my freedom and well-being. I honor you for standing by your man, even when it is difficult and unpleasant. I honor you for the sacrifice you have made emotionally dealing with his injuries and the stress of his deployment. Not all military wives have measured up to the requirements as have you.
I wish for both of you a good Veteran's Day. To me you both will be honored that day, as will the spouses and loved ones of all our veterans. God bless you both.
I don't know if it's age or what but I know when I was younger I was much more quick to pass judgement on situations. Would have have actually given a stink eye, but would be thinking it! Guess I've come to realize that nothing is ever as simple as it first appears. Maybe somehow, some day stink eye will realize what she's done and won't ever do it again!
ReplyDeletePraying for the Lord's strength in your heart to face whatever each day brings!
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
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No matter what's happening, good or bad, these words always bring such great comfort. Praying!
ReplyDeleteJob 19:25-27 For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins be consumed within me.
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The Lord will be with you always! I'll be here praying!
ReplyDeleteColossians 3:15-16 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Probably the most well-known words in all of Scripture, but oh what comfort they give! Praying hard as always!
ReplyDeleteJohn 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
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Know that you're always in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteDeuteronomy 31:6, 8 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (8) And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.
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Praying!
ReplyDeleteNahum 1:7 The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him.
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Know that you're in my prayers!
ReplyDeletePsalms 61:1-4 Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For thou hast been a shelter for me, and a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in thy tabernacle for ever: I will trust in the covert of thy wings. Selah.
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Continuing to lift up prayers!
ReplyDeletePsalms 91:1-2, 4 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. (4) He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.
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The Lord will always use whatever you're going through for your good! Praying hard as always!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletePsalms 91:9-12 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
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You know I'm praying hard!
ReplyDeletePsalms 91:14-15 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
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Praying in Seattle!
ReplyDeletePsalms 130:1-2, 5-7 Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD. Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications (5-7) I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. Let Israel hope in the LORD: for with the LORD there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption.
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Continuing to pray so very hard!
ReplyDeleteEphesians 3:14-21 For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.
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Always praying!
ReplyDeletePsalms 86:1-4 Bow down thine ear, O LORD, hear me: for I am poor and needy. Preserve my soul; for I am holy: O thou my God, save thy servant that trusteth in thee. Be merciful unto me, O Lord: for I cry unto thee daily. Rejoice the soul of thy servant: for unto thee, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
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Know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!
ReplyDeletePsalms 86:5-7 For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee. Give ear, O LORD, unto my prayer; and attend to the voice of my supplications. In the day of my trouble I will call upon thee: for thou wilt answer me.
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Thank you for posting this! As the wife of a wounder warrior, I understand all too well what those looks are, and what it feels like to be on the receiving end of them. If only people didn't look at amputees and individuals in wheelchairs as being less human, as being always in need of help.
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