Last month we were traveling a lot. Now that I actually have time to write I am going to start sharing with you a few of our misadventures.....
Chaz and I had landed in the Nashville airport. Since it was a short trip, we each only needed a carry-on. Of course I also had a oversized purse to hold all the important things. You know wallet, chap stick, prosthetic spray bottle, all the things every one has in the purse, right?!
So here we are.....Chaz is wheeling. I have a carry-on suitcase in each hand and a heavy purse on my shoulder. I am trying to keep up with Chaz the entire time. (Just a side bar, when we travel I don't have to exercise, because chasing after him takes care of that.) This lady was walking next to us during this time. I am sure we passed her ay some point, but we ended up meeting on the curb. What happened next has really stuck with me.
My Mom pulled up in our car to pick us up. She had my car so Chaz had to stand up and walk to get in. I was busy loading the car and bam Chaz's leg locks and he falls. Do I rush over? No. Do I yell over at him? No. I observed to make sure he was ok and let him do his thing. At this time I feel eyes on me. You all know exactly what I am talking about. I, of course, locked eyes with this woman who proceeded to give me the stink eye. Now at this very moment, she was closer to Chaz than I was. But she was too busy formulating judgements and giving me the stink eye to care. Oh yes, yes I caught her glance and I just smiled the biggest smile at her. And of course she did the Hrmph noise, crossed her arms and looked away. Chaz saw it too and made a laugh about it later. He even asked if I felt the daggers she was throwing from her eyes.
Here's why that has stuck with me. The average civilian is ignorant to the life Chaz and I and so many others live. The average civilian does not understand that when my hubby falls I will not help him unless he gives me the signal or asks. The average civilian sees a man with artificial legs or sees a man sitting in a wheelchair and immediately jumps to sadness. They think aww that poor guy. The average civilian is full of pity and sorrow. Then when they put two and two together and realize we are together they immediately think I must be the beck and call girl. The average civilian doesn't look at me as a wife or partner in this marriage they see me at the constant attendant. I must drop everything and stand on top of Chaz at all times as if he is incapable of doing anything for himself.
My hubby led men into battle. My hubby saved lives. My hubby is a Hero and I will treat him like nothing else.
My hubby is an independent and stubborn as I am. My hubby is a proud man. He wants to do as much as he can on his own. What he can do on his own without assistance is now horribly limited and I will not take any of that away from him.
So no, if he falls, I will not rush over. Chaz and I are so wired together now that I know what he needs and when he needs it. Some might hate that, but I love the connection I have with my hubby. I love being able to read his mind. (Sometimes it does drive him crazy. Except with food, he loves it when I cook what he thinking about.) If he needs me, he lets me know. Many just do not understand what this life is like and that's totally ok. Our life would be a little better with fewer stink eyes in it. Unfortunately stink eyes come with this life that God has chosen Chaz and I for and we are ok with that.
Today I ask average civilians to please learn this lesson from stink-eye. Please know that sometimes things are not always what they seem. Sometimes Heroes fall down and they don't always need help getting back up. Those who love them the most do not need your evil stares and dagger eyes to let us know that you do not approve of our actions. We have enough stress in our lives that we don't need to add the extra judgmental incidents to it. Trust me we have all accumulated enough. If you are truly that concerned about the person then please just ask if you can help. It really is that easy.