I don't know if you have read this yet, but you should. http://wehavethishopeasananchor.blogspot.com/2012/08/marriage.html
A friend posted this on her facebook page and I read it, agreed and understood exactly where this woman is coming from. She immediately made me take stock in my own marriage. As I reflected on our 13 year relationship and 11 year marriage, my heart overflows with joy. Our marriage is not perfect. I always say perfect is unachievable, so be happy with what you are given.
Chaz and I are as opposite as you can possibly be. We come from two very different backgrounds, but everyday God shows me we are meant to be. I can't explain how we work, but we do. I am OCD and he is totally disorganized. He is fiscally irresponsible and I am the saver and planner. I am the structured and organized one and he is the ah, whatever person. Sure we've had disagreements on things, but we never go to sleep angry and never forget to say those key words, "I love you" every single day. At the end of the day, we know we are just meant to be.
I was informed a while ago that a wounded warrior family here can't stand me. They "love" Chaz because they truly feel sorry for him. They feel sorry for Chaz because he doesn't realize that I am "using his injuries for my personal benefit." When I was told this, I seriously laughed so very hard. First I really want to know where these benefits are?! Because I personally haven't gained anything but ulcers, gray hairs, pulled muscles and stress headaches. My tax business has declined. My education goals have all been put on hold. I left my entire life behind to be here to help my family heal. So please give me a list of these "benefits" you think I personally have received. I am intrigued.
Now I will happily admit our little family has gained a lot, not financially, but spiritually. We gained a greater appreciation for each other. We have had some amazing experiences and met amazing people that we'll never forget. We have made friends that I know we will always be in touch with no matter the distance between us. We have been blessed, blessed and more blessed. The list of blessings our family has received is so long that I am not going to even try listing it all out.
I think the statement "I have personally benefited" proves to me that that person who thinks this has no real idea what marriage is. Marriage is a partnership between two people who love each other and want to mutually benefit from being together. Chaz and I are a team. We always have been. There's no way we'd still be together if I was in it for "personal benefit." We don't hide anything from each other. I truly love the fact that I can tell him anything or I can mess up and he's always there to accept me. I love the fact that I can sometimes read Chaz's mind. Even if I don't like it at the time, I am grateful that Chaz is not afraid to hurt my feelings, but telling me the truth. The real truth is Chaz needs me way too much for me to be allowed to be selfish and I feel the same way about him. Marriage cannot succeed with selfish individuals. There's definitely no way a military marriage will survive, let me tell you that one from experience.
There's no doubt that healing a wounded warrior will truly push your marriage to it's breaking point, but here's our insider's secret. Chaz and I were at the breaking point years ago thanks to Iraq. We have already survived PTSD and survivor's guilt. We went through a lot in the years following his deployment to Iraq. What I quickly realized was that I was Chaz's person. I was that one person he could fall apart too and I would help him pick it all up again. We healed together after that horrible deployment and that's why we are doing so well with his healing now. We just refer back to Iraq and concentrate on healing the physical.
I know that some people will never "get" us. Refer back to the blog link listed above. That's how Chaz and I live everyday. We live a life of gratitude, not of greed. We are thankful for everyone who enters our lives even those who don't understand us.