So Much to Say....

This morning I find myself with so much to say but just not sure how to say it. My head is simply running amok with what ifs and what should we dos. The past few weeks have been full of ups and downs and then a fire. We have now found ourselves at a very difficult crossroad where we will hurt someone's feelings for sure. It is inevitable. But who do we hurt? Where can we do the least amount of collateral damage?

This past week I witnessed how the words of others can really do a lot of damage. I watched as a caregiver was attacked on a public facebook page by an unknown source. All she could do was sit there and watch as the lies appear again and again. I told her more than once to look away, but I know she didn't. I can testify on her behalf that the words spoken were all lies. Of course my words, only helped with the residual damage. The hurt that was inflicted on her will take a while to heal. However, she is loved and she will be ok. And if we ever find out who her cyber bully is then Chaz and I will pay them a visit with law enforcement accompanying us.

I myself was hurt this week by both the words being spelled out in front of me online and from a lack of communication. It has definitely been a rough week and now we sit with some incredibly hard decisions to make. Chaz and I laugh at our cheering section because they are not as nice as we are. They are calling for blood and embarrassment immediately. Chaz and I are calling for communication and peace. Our cheering section has decided we are way too nice and we have to stop thinking about others and put ourselves first. To be honest, we just don't know how to do that. I constantly find myself thinking about others and the good of the whole.

When you are faced with a decision that means you could literally crush other people, you should stop and pause. There are many decisions that I have made in the past where people needed the damage to be done. They needed to wake up and get with the program because their actions were hurting so many others. The decisions we have to face right now are similar, yet a little different, but still involve waking people up to see what they are doing to others. Dare I say it, we may be in front of one of the biggest decision of our lives. No matter which way we go, someone will have their feelings hurt. Chaz and I are already hurt over all of it. I have cried so many times now I have lost count. We should not be saddled with such an ethical and moral dilemma. However, it is the actions of others that has brought us to this point.

So what do we do? Do we sit and wait? Do we listen to the cheering section? I truly do not have the answers, but I pray I will be led to them soon.

My Cup Overflows....

Last night my alma mater's alumni association honored me by awarding the Outstanding Young Graduate of the Year award. I still cannot believe they chose me. I still am not believing the words that were said about me. It was just all surreal. 

I left my hometown of McMinnville TN in 1997 and never looked back. I wanted to just go away and try to be an adult all on my own in not just a new town, but also a different state. My Mom didn't want me to leave, but she knew I was doing the right thing. I did not know a single person at Kentucky Wesleyan College when I arrived. It was amazing last night to have a full circle event like that occur. 

Some of my favorite people came to celebrate with us. It was so wonderful to have them there. My Mom who has been there through it all of course made me cry when I was speaking. But to add to the awesomeness of her being there was our little family. Demetria and Ray, who have been our constant cheerleaders and 2 person support crew were there. My best friend from college, Jessica, who let me fall apart on the phone with her when I got the first phone call that Chaz was hurt and then again multiple other times and her hubby, Kyle, joined us. And I even had my own little Kappa Delta cheering section with Katy, Mandy and Megan there. There were several staff and faculty who knew me when also in attendance. It was wonderful for them all to take the time out to be there with us. 

I wasn't going to speak last night. I was told that I could just come up and accept the award and go sit down. However, the people before me spoke, so the pressure was on. All I planned to say was thank you. Then my friend, Katy, had to start crying when she introduced me, so she kicked off the tears. She had to pass her speech off to another KWC alum. It was wonderful to hear what Katy had written about me. Then came the Obama call video, boy was that a fun blast from the past. 

I got up on stage and looked out to see some many beautiful faces smiling back at me. And all I could think about was how Demetria and I have remained friends even though I left our hometown we grew up in; what a great friend I have in her. Then I saw my friend Jessica and thought, oh my word, we have been through so much together; what a great friend I made while I was at KWC. I saw my mom crying and got incredibly side tracked and then I thought I seriously have the best Mom in the world. Then I saw my hubby and our cuties and thought I am so blessed to have such a great little family who loves me. Then to see my KD sisters out there smiling, I thought about all the fun we had together in our 3 1/2 years together there. I realized my cup was overflowing. I of course was choked up. I'll be honest, I could not tell you right now what I said while I was up there. All I could think about was how blessed I truly am.

So many great friends couldn't make it. That's the thing about being a grown up.....we just can't be everywhere. I have received so many great texts, emails and messages from friends and family telling me how proud they are of me. I am just so very blessed!!! I just want to thank them all for being so supportive of our journey and of our family. I know a few were upset that they couldn't join us. Just knowing that they wanted to be there was more than enough for me.

Another Proud Parenting Moment

We had carpet installed last week. The installers and I began talking and at one point they asked what I did for a living. I told them I helped families like ours. It was what our oldest said that made us so proud that day.

She jumped into the conversation and said, "Tell them about Mr. Derek." I told her she could. Deryn went on to tell the men that we made this friend was also stepped on an IED. She went on to tell them how we all became friends and how silly he was. Then she said, "But then Mr Derek just died and none of us know why. We all miss him. He was so funny."

It was that moment our little 10 year old caught the hearts of those men. There was an awkward pause. They knew she had been through so much but she was so happy to tell them about our friend even through the ending was not happy. Those men didn't know what to do. Heck I was fighting back tears before her words came out.

Deryn saw the impact she had made and she changed the subject a little. She went on to tell them about our other friends. She told them about their legs, arms, chairs, vehicles and everything they had had adapted. She told them about watching them all race. She told them about running legs. She told them how amazing they all were. Hearing her talk about all the heroes and all the cool things they were doing cheered those guys up. I think what really cheered those guys up was hearing the stories from her point of view. They were very much aware of the sacrifice our men and women are making, but to see a little girl talk about everything she has seen is quite phenomenal.

It hit me later on....wow our two girls have seen waaaaaay more than the average American. Our two girls have really seen some amazing stuff. Overall the most amazing moments for me come when we get to hear them tell the stories that matter most to them to others.

Our girls are never sad when they talk about the friends we've lost. They talk about the happy moments. I love the fact that they want to share their favorite moments with strangers. But what I really, really love is that our girls see so much hope that has come from devastating moments in life. Our girls have seen that a person can really get knocked down hard by the punches life can throw at you. And I am proud to say they have also learned how to dust yourself off after those hits and keep on moving. Best of all, they have learned how to be positive about it.

On Lockdown with Heroes

Tuesday I was at the SFAC (Soldier Family Assistance Center) speaking to a group about our journey to healing and how Yellow Ribbon Fund would like to help Ft Campbell like we are helping Walter Reed and Ft Belvoir. It went really well. It was a great group filled with caregivers, chaplains and staff. It was really great to have a friend and fellow caregiver from Walter Reed sitting front row reiterating all that YRF has done and can do. Our meeting was winding down, but was suddenly cut off due to an alarm in the building. We heard the sirens then, "Attention this building will now be on lock down. We have an active shooter threat."

I immediately thought of all days for them to have a drill. Really? I went to the bathroom with my friend and as we stepped out they told us to grab our belongings and go into a more protected side of the building. The looks on the faces of soldiers and staff in the lobby confirmed it was not a drill.

I had already text Chaz what was going on. I seriously thought it was a drill, but my hubby sitting miles away in our house knew it wasn't. When I finally looked at my phone I had texts from Chaz saying "cover and concealment now" and "grab a pen or pencil and go for the temple."

Little did my hubby know by the time I got his texts we were already hidden and my pen was in my hand. This chicky does not go down with out a fight. I had already figured out how I was going to stab the shooter. I might get shot, but I was going to do my best to inflict some good pain first. Chaz has taught me a few things and he's taught me very well I might add. I was scared, but I was ready.

We stood there just waiting. Then it dawned on me all the soldiers and a few staff were still in the main lobby. I was thinking get your asses in here now. Then I realized they were protecting us. It was a humbling moment to me. I have had he honor of living with a soldier for 14 years. I have always felt safe around him. I have had the honor of being around heroes and hearing their stories of combat and survival. I have never witnessed heroes in action. These strangers were standing in the lobby guarding the building and protecting us.

I realized this is why I love my job. These men and women sign up voluntarily to protect us from all enemies foreign and domestic, something I am too selfish to do. They were very aware that potentially one of their own had turned and was now a threat. Yet they did not waiver. They assessed and controlled the area to make sure the civilians were safe. Then they stood in the lobby to provide a line of defense for the civilians they had hidden.

It was such an honor to see such heroic efforts in person. I seriously NEVER want to see it again so close. But I will never forget their reactions and how they were ready to put their life in front of mine and so many others. I am so thankful for the men and women who so selfishly run in to the fight for all of us. And I am thankful that God has placed me in position where I can help them in there time of need. Most of all I am thankful for God's timing. He knew I needed to be shown that not all people are selfish assholes. Some are heroes, true to the definition.

Having the Bubble Popped Again....

Saturday I cried three times. Why? Because reality just really sank in....some people are really selfish assholes. Sorry to type it out, but it's so very true. This reality not only popped my happy bubble, but it also shattered my heart.

I created my own little world where everyone wants to help each other and every cares for each other. In my world, everyone wants the others around them to succeed. Every once in a while someone just has to pop my bubble and remind me that it's just my inner circle that I have invested in who feels that way. There are too many people who are too focused on themselves. It truly breaks my heart. I want to believe that everyone is good and caring and wants to help others for the simple fact of helping others.

We've been working on a project for a really long time now. Our emotions have been played with again and again and again. Saturday we made the decision to just let it all go. I wouldn't say we are giving up, but for right now we are done with disappointments. The next six months we have too many exciting things going on and we are going to focus on those upcoming events. We are done with dealing with selfish people who are just looking out for themselves for a while. I allowed them into our bubble. They tricked their way in and now we are kicking them out!

Doctor it hurts when I beat my head against the wall........then don't beat your head against the wall. That's pretty much how I feel right now. And boy does my head hurt. I have sat down. I have licked my wounds. Now I am dusting myself off and moving on.

To say I am disappointed is an understatement. But I know God has a plan and it's time to step back and let things work out in his time. Let go and let God!

Traveling Along.....Staying with La Quinta

Traveling with your family will for sure always bring some type of difficulty. Then in our world you have to add the traveling difficulties Chaz has. Unfortunately we'll never be able to just hit the road again and stop wherever. No instead all of our travel plans have to be thought out way in advance.

I'll be honest, I do not trust anyone to arrange our rooms for us. Perhaps it's only my OCD, but it seems everyone's opinion of what is ADA compliant varies drastically. We have experienced this again and again. When we have traveled on group trips, I have even verified that they requested ADA rooms only to arrive and find out it's just a regular room. Most of the trips it always works out, but occasionally Chaz has to deal with something that makes his life even more difficult. Every family with a family member with special needs knows exactly what I am talking about.

Last year we were awarded four free nights at La Quints for being the top fundraisers for Team Fisher House for the Army Ten Miler. (This is where I thank you all for supporting our fundraising efforts and helped us pay our thankfulness forward to the Fisher House Foundation). We have used all four nights at different locations and I wanted to tell you about our adventures.

We used two nights in Macon, Georgia on our way to and from our niece's graduation in Florida. Then we used the last two last week in Smyrna when we realized they were going to expire soon. One thing is for sure La Quinta knows the meaning of customer service. We had a few difficulties with the rooms the 1-800 number, but the location's staff happily helped us.

We had to call and book the rooms through the number on the listed on the vouchers. When I called I asked for an ADA rooms with the roll-in shower. Well the ADA part was heard for sure, but not the shower part. When we arrived in Macon, the front desk informed me that our room was not ready. She was horrified. It was three hours past check-in. She asked for just a minute and then reappeared rather quickly. She informed me that the only room ready was the ADA suite with the roll-in shower and happily gave us that room. Then she informed me that the 1800 number booked the ADA room for that night, but not on the night when we were driving back. She told me that she'd take care of that for us and she did.

When we came back through a few days later, we check into our ADA room to discover that their version of ADA and our version of ADA were two different things. Our room had a bathtub and Chaz could barely get around it. I went back down to a different front desk person who listened and helped me fixed the problem. Once again the clerk disappeared then reappeared and we got the suite we had before. (Yes we were very happy). Turns out once again their suite was the only room available that could suit Chaz's needs.

We enjoyed both nights at the La Quinta in Macon. Chaz had no problems getting around the hotel or the room. The shower's roll-in feature was great. And the bench provided actually supported him. Chaz is a big guy and sometimes those benches are not made for guys his size. And trust me it's not fun to find out the hard way that the bench was not strong enough for him.

Now to the LaQuinta in Smyrna. Once again I called ahead and reserved the ADA roll-in shower room for Chaz. We had made arrangements to chat with someone from La Quinta when we got there. They wanted to chat with us about the Hotels for Heroes program and being military and using their hotels. They took it upon themselves to call and double check our reservation to discover the roll-in shower room we had requested had been double booked. (She was way more worried than we were. Seriously we have dealt with way bigger problems.) I just tossed our portable shower bench in the van and we took off. When I arrived the nice young man at the front desk escorted me to roll-in room and then we looked at the other ADA room. I decided that since we had the bench we would take the ADA room with the tub and we'd make it work. He was the cutest thing and thanked me several times for making their double-booking so easy to resolve.

Now for my full honesty, the ADA room with the tub in the Smyrna location was bigger than the room with the roll-in. I wanted the extra space for the cuties to roll around. In addition the more room we have available, the less likely Chaz is to smush our toes. Yup, I've dealt with the spacing issue a few times. The important part is they happily accommodated our needs and rather quickly I'd like to add.

Did you know La Quinta allows pets? Did you know that we did not know pets were allowed until we saw the pets in Macon? I am a OCD cleaner. I am telling you that you could not tell pets were residing in either hotel that we stayed in. Ginger could tell in Smyrna, but we all know her nose is way better than mine. Our oldest cutie is allergic to dogs and cats and we did not have one skin nor breathing problem there. I was prepared for it too. Inhaler, benedryl and all could be found in our bags.

Now to make a long story short.....Would we recommend La Quinta? Definitely yes! Their customer service is excellent. Their rooms and hotels were clean. And their free breakfast was super yummy. Both locations had different food options, but both were great.

Now onto to some cool facts. They have a rewards club. Just visit www.lq.com and learn more about their rewards program. Please check into their rewards program and please consider donating those points to Hotels for Heroes. Go here to learn more about this awesome program. http://fisherhouse.org/programs/hotels-for-heroes/how-to-donate-points/

Now to add to the coolness, they have a military rewards program. Military service members (including veterans and spouses) get 12% off the rate, as well as several other perks. La Quinta makes your PCS moves cheaper and you can bring your pets!

And for those with service dogs, just think about how much easier La Quinta makes traveling for you. We are all aware of the law, but we are also aware of those persons who don't read the laws. Do yourself a favor and stay at La Quinta. We highly recommend it.

When the Lights Went Out....

When both of the lights that are under the microwave went out last night, I sent myself to my room. You might be thinking that is just so silly, but really it was the final Grrrrr.....for me. Let's do a six month review to explain me enforcing my own time out.

Chaz retired in January. Of course nothing was as easy as they promised. Our move was denied. Our postage was denied. WTB wanted to charge us $600 for our apartment. It was one thing after another. We finally get to leave and arrive home that Sunday to our beloved Arf. Our precious 10 year old Yorkie had gone into congestive heart failure just days before we arrived and now was entering his last days. We made the hard choice and had to put him to sleep. The next day he was buried on our new land. We had our "ground breaking" six months ago today. On that day the girls and I walked to the back of the land and told Arf good-bye.

We had immediately entered all the VA in-processing fun as soon as we arrived home. We were so bogged down in VA things we barely had time to grieve for the dog and an even bigger shocker happened. We get the news that one of our friends committed suicide. He was gone and left behind a beautiful family and it still breaks my heart.

Then Chaz had a flesh eating bacteria invade his body and had to be hospitalized, required surgery and was going to need a PICC line. Just days after the surgery, we get the news our dear friend, Derek had passed away. I stood in Chaz's hospital room just crying because I wasn't at Walter Reed to help Derek's family.

The day after I received the news about Derek, girls and I traveled to DC/MD while my mom took care of Chaz. That was such a hard trip to take. Chaz was supposed to have traveled with us to get his legs that had been ordered in November, but didn't arrive until after we had left. Of course they wouldn't let me have them. They had to do this that and the other. Now looking back I am glad they didn't give them to me because at the time the VA still had not granted Chaz's prosthetic adviser permission to work on X2s yet. We filed for it in January and they poor guy didn't get the permission slip until June and by then Chaz had used his GWOT privilege and got them fixed at Walter Reed when he joined me in June.

Ok back to March, I was working, taking care of the girls and trying to help our friends. It was such an exhausting trip. I got home and jumped into 3 PICC line treatments per day. Luckily our girls were on Spring break from homeschool during the "Daddy is sick again" phase. About the time we got his PICC down homeschool restarted. Then I was back to DC/MD for more work. (So thankful to have such a great job that I love so much). I had to work out more care arrangements and that's when things started breaking.

Here's the list. Please note all are separate occasions. I know I am forgetting so much, but oh well....

• HVAC outside unit locked up.
• HVAC unit in attic froze up.
• Both garden hoses had ruined. We found out the hard way they had to be replaced. 
• Had a recall on my car.
• The bolt holding down the ramp to the concrete at the top is stripped and isn't holding it down anymore. 
• Chaz broke a piece off of his wheelchair
• Then the chair portion wore out.
• One of the prosthetic legs (that the VA wouldn't give the guy permission to work on) broke.
• The other leg started locking up randomly. 
• HVAC outside unit crapped out again. 
• Upstairs toilet had to have the kit replaced. Then a plumber had to be called in because the shut off valve was so old it had to be helped.  
• Found hail damage to the girls' window screens. 
• Found a leak under the kitchen sink. Determined it was the garbage disposal. It was repaired. 

Now let's get to the week that led me to time out.

First there was this....

Chaz's leg locked on him causing him to fall into the door. After rushing to see if he was ok and confirming he was, I immediately asked if he punched the door. He laughed and pointed out that if he punched the door the tint would not have saved it. He is totally right. ;) I looked at the door to see his whole arm left a mark in the glass.

If you look closely at the picture you'll see he is just walking right along. We are so thankful for my brother tinting that glass. Chaz could have easily fallen through all that glass and had been seriously injured. Thanks to the help of the neighbor, I got the glass out (yes it was a huge mess) and put the screen in for a temporary fix. (Yes to answer your question, we'll need a new glass door.) Then then kitchen faucet just stops working. Hello another plumber call. Faucet had to be replaced. Then he looks and the garbage disposal is leaking again. Now it has to be replaced. Chaz lets the guy check the rest of the house to determine we'll need a new water heater and new toilet within six months.

The day before all of this I filed a claim with our homeowner's insurance. After looking at the window screens, I found cracks and holes in our vinyl siding on three sides of our house. (There's no telling what I cannot see.) I bet now you can see why when the lights went out on the microwave, I just had to go to my room.

Why am I whining about this? Well to be honest, just get it all out. It just seems like when it rains it pours. The past six months have just been so stressful. Today I am putting my big girl panties on and getting all the whines out of me. I am going to make a list with an attack plan and get it all done.

I am declaring that things are going to start going our way. I am not going to allow all these little hassles to way us down. Great things are in store for us, I just know it. Today is another beautiful day and why not pick today as the day to forget about all the hassles and focus on the positive!

Alright time to go make that list and start attacking it!!