What does it feel to walk among Heroes?! It feels absolutely amazing!!!! My Grandfather and Chaz have been my Heroes for a long time. I have always been amazed at how these guys and gals give up everything to go around the world and serve our country. I admire their levels of unselfish sacrifice. But to be on that float with those Heroes, and to go down 5th Avenue in NYC and see so many Heroes is unforgettable. Then to see the people smile, cheer and even cry, then to read all the signs, I never thought I could feel even more patriotic.
What makes our country great? Our Veterans and their families. Our Veterans serve, but they bring their stories back to us and it is our job to pass those stories along. It is our job to not allow them to be forgotten. I will tell my Grandfather's stories to our girls and they will tell his story, Chaz's Dad's story and now their own father's story as the years go by. Our girls are learning the important lesson that our country is made up of great Americans and they are blessed to have such an amazing father to tell the world about.
Why did I say yes to the parade? Yes it was me that set that up. (I know I am evil, but WWP offered it to me and I jumped on it). Why didn't I ask Chaz for his permission? (Well I sort of did.) But Chaz doesn't think he's a Hero. He thinks he just did the job he was called to do. Chaz is just like every other soldier out there. They don't expect a pat on the back. They believe in our country and believe it is their duty to honor and protect it. But I wanted Chaz to see how many people support the job he did and is still doing. I wanted our girls to see first hand the support for our veterans from our nation. I wanted our girls to have an amazing lesson in patriotism. What our girls saw yesterday cannot be taught in a classroom. It is a lesson that must be learned through experience. Our girls know that parade was for not only their Daddy, but for all the Veterans who went before us. That parade was for their Grandfather and Great-Grandfathers and so many other ancestors they don't even know about yet. Our girls got to watch person after person thank their Dad for his service. How awesome is that?! They got to see first hand how people appreciate their Dad and what he did for our country.
Thank you Wounded Warrior Project for inviting us here! Thank you NYC for putting on such a great parade!! Thank you America for being such a great country!!!
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
One-Tenth, One-Hundredth or One-Thousandth......
Yesterday I had to come home from Bethesda and drown myself in my music. Before you even ask, yes it was all Train. Weeks ago I was asked to help our company help the NMAs/Caregivers. I knew I was taking on a lot, but I truly didn't realize how much until yesterday.
I know what I have given up. I know what I have sacrificed. But like an idiot I naively thought no one else had outside drama. I really thought they just had the medical drama. I was in my own tunnel. Which is totally understandable, if you think about it. How could I not be in some sort of a tunnel? I am healing myself, my husband, my kids, home schooling the girls, running a house hold, taking care of a house in TN, trying to keep my business up and running, trying to stay involved in my friends life and trying to hold on to any piece of my former life. Yesterday I began to feel guilty about being in my tunnel, but then I realized if you put your family first how can you avoid that tunnel.
Yesterday the magnitude of all this crashed into me. I see all this 99% percent stuff, but I am not the 99% I am part of the one-tenth or maybe even smaller. The military is comprised of less than 1% of our population and now we are a wounded family so when you boil it down we make up about one-tenth of our population. I wish I could go raise hell on wall street, or on Capitol Hill, but instead I am going around a hospital and letting families know that Chaz and I are here to help and that we understand. Then I go navigate through ulterior motives at a gigantic hospital to find someone (hopefully more than one) who gives a damn about these guys, their families and their healing. I realized yesterday because I am taking a proactive role in all of this that makes me even smaller like maybe the one-hundredth.
It is so hard to be the one people come to. It is so hard to bare that cross for other people. It is so hard to fight everyday for something that should just be common sense to human beings. But these humans are a part of the military industrial complex. They are lost in the bureaucracy and have lost touch with the fact that they are controlling peoples lives. I know the families come to me because I understand and I can help. I really do not mind helping at all. I really enjoy helping the ones who I know appreciate it. Sometimes that helping is just listening and sometimes I can guide them down the right path. I realized yesterday I could not be a shrink. I cannot handle all the drama. First I don't like drama, so therefore it's kind of hard for me to be sympathetic. If you bring me drama, I will tell you how to fix it, if you don't fix it, don't bring me more. Please for the love of all that is holy, don't try to bring me into your drama. If you try and bring me into your drama I will walk away from you all together. I am a positive and constructive person. I will not allow you to tear me down and drown me in your pool of negativity. So don't try it.
There is so much anger around here that it is toxic. We try to keep the girls away from it, but it is almost impossible. People are angry over the BRAC move. They are angry because they had to leave their lives behind. They are angry over their loved one being hurt. They are angry over everything. Which I do understand, oh do I understand. But I refuse to let the anger win. I cannot be angry at anyone. Chaz could have been injured in a car wreck. Chaz could have not come home. We'll never know who caused Chaz's injuries and he and I don't care who it was. Because truth be told, if the tables were turned we would have fought to protect our country if they came into our town and tried to tell us what to do. We are at peace with why. God will lead us to the rest of the answers. God has already blessed us with so much and he will continue to do so. So when you factor in our faith that puts us into the one-thousandth percent.
So the question is how do you heal these families? How do you heal their battle buddies? How do you heal all the lives that have effected by the blast of an IED? How do you convince people to listen? How do you convince important people to give a crap about these guys? How do you convince them that even just a card can make their day brighter? How do you convince people that these guys are not worried about themselves and their injuries, they are concerned about their families? How do you convince them if you just keep smothering the problem down it will not make it go away? I challenge the people who can make a difference to keep pushing all of this down. Keep shoving it in the floor boards. Just like the characters from Edgar Allan Poe's Tell-Tale Heart you will one day rip those boards up to see what you are covering up. My advice is deal with it all now. I know you can't fix it all today, but just show us you care and let us see progress. I am totally happy with baby steps. I am not looking for the 10 meter jump here.
Why has our media stopped reporting on our troops? Why are the lead stories about Kim, Lindsey, and the doctor who killed Michael Jackson. They are such a microscopic percent of our population, yet they get the majority of our media's attention. Does anyone see a problem here?! All lives are important and all lives should be celebrated, but Kim's divorce and Lindsey's jail time is no where close as valuable as the soldier who left his life and love behind to serve our country for 3, 6, 9 or 12 months. I think our priorities need to be reevaluated and I think our media should blaze the path less taken!
I still want to know what is everyone ashamed of? Yes our government sent us to war to fight. Some of us question their motives and if we wait a few more years it will all come out like it always does. But these soldiers are proud of their service and sacrifice and we all should be. I know I am, I know everyone who comes in contact with my family is. So let these guys know how proud you are. When you celebrate our service members, you are also celebrating our families and we are so thankful for that. Celebrities usually come to the hospital all poopy faced and down until they meet our soldiers and there families. Then they realize what they were afraid to face was exactly what they needed. This is what we all need.
We all need to look and meet the amazing families that comprise this one-tenth, one-hundredth or one-thousandth percent of our population and tell their stories. Celebrate them, celebrate their triumphs over adversities. Celebrate these amazing doctors and nurses whose passion and intelligence makes all of this possible. Celebrate the families who want to help the soldiers live a life as close to normal as possible. Stop enabling the media to clog our airwaves with drama about celebrities who live a life we'll never know, nor understand. Speak out and speak up!!! You want to raise hell, raise hell for the guys who serve for you!! Raise hell and celebrate the very small percent who sacrificed so much and ask for so little. One little ant can only do so much, but when a bunch of ants get together we can move mountains.
I know what I have given up. I know what I have sacrificed. But like an idiot I naively thought no one else had outside drama. I really thought they just had the medical drama. I was in my own tunnel. Which is totally understandable, if you think about it. How could I not be in some sort of a tunnel? I am healing myself, my husband, my kids, home schooling the girls, running a house hold, taking care of a house in TN, trying to keep my business up and running, trying to stay involved in my friends life and trying to hold on to any piece of my former life. Yesterday I began to feel guilty about being in my tunnel, but then I realized if you put your family first how can you avoid that tunnel.
Yesterday the magnitude of all this crashed into me. I see all this 99% percent stuff, but I am not the 99% I am part of the one-tenth or maybe even smaller. The military is comprised of less than 1% of our population and now we are a wounded family so when you boil it down we make up about one-tenth of our population. I wish I could go raise hell on wall street, or on Capitol Hill, but instead I am going around a hospital and letting families know that Chaz and I are here to help and that we understand. Then I go navigate through ulterior motives at a gigantic hospital to find someone (hopefully more than one) who gives a damn about these guys, their families and their healing. I realized yesterday because I am taking a proactive role in all of this that makes me even smaller like maybe the one-hundredth.
It is so hard to be the one people come to. It is so hard to bare that cross for other people. It is so hard to fight everyday for something that should just be common sense to human beings. But these humans are a part of the military industrial complex. They are lost in the bureaucracy and have lost touch with the fact that they are controlling peoples lives. I know the families come to me because I understand and I can help. I really do not mind helping at all. I really enjoy helping the ones who I know appreciate it. Sometimes that helping is just listening and sometimes I can guide them down the right path. I realized yesterday I could not be a shrink. I cannot handle all the drama. First I don't like drama, so therefore it's kind of hard for me to be sympathetic. If you bring me drama, I will tell you how to fix it, if you don't fix it, don't bring me more. Please for the love of all that is holy, don't try to bring me into your drama. If you try and bring me into your drama I will walk away from you all together. I am a positive and constructive person. I will not allow you to tear me down and drown me in your pool of negativity. So don't try it.
There is so much anger around here that it is toxic. We try to keep the girls away from it, but it is almost impossible. People are angry over the BRAC move. They are angry because they had to leave their lives behind. They are angry over their loved one being hurt. They are angry over everything. Which I do understand, oh do I understand. But I refuse to let the anger win. I cannot be angry at anyone. Chaz could have been injured in a car wreck. Chaz could have not come home. We'll never know who caused Chaz's injuries and he and I don't care who it was. Because truth be told, if the tables were turned we would have fought to protect our country if they came into our town and tried to tell us what to do. We are at peace with why. God will lead us to the rest of the answers. God has already blessed us with so much and he will continue to do so. So when you factor in our faith that puts us into the one-thousandth percent.
So the question is how do you heal these families? How do you heal their battle buddies? How do you heal all the lives that have effected by the blast of an IED? How do you convince people to listen? How do you convince important people to give a crap about these guys? How do you convince them that even just a card can make their day brighter? How do you convince people that these guys are not worried about themselves and their injuries, they are concerned about their families? How do you convince them if you just keep smothering the problem down it will not make it go away? I challenge the people who can make a difference to keep pushing all of this down. Keep shoving it in the floor boards. Just like the characters from Edgar Allan Poe's Tell-Tale Heart you will one day rip those boards up to see what you are covering up. My advice is deal with it all now. I know you can't fix it all today, but just show us you care and let us see progress. I am totally happy with baby steps. I am not looking for the 10 meter jump here.
Why has our media stopped reporting on our troops? Why are the lead stories about Kim, Lindsey, and the doctor who killed Michael Jackson. They are such a microscopic percent of our population, yet they get the majority of our media's attention. Does anyone see a problem here?! All lives are important and all lives should be celebrated, but Kim's divorce and Lindsey's jail time is no where close as valuable as the soldier who left his life and love behind to serve our country for 3, 6, 9 or 12 months. I think our priorities need to be reevaluated and I think our media should blaze the path less taken!
I still want to know what is everyone ashamed of? Yes our government sent us to war to fight. Some of us question their motives and if we wait a few more years it will all come out like it always does. But these soldiers are proud of their service and sacrifice and we all should be. I know I am, I know everyone who comes in contact with my family is. So let these guys know how proud you are. When you celebrate our service members, you are also celebrating our families and we are so thankful for that. Celebrities usually come to the hospital all poopy faced and down until they meet our soldiers and there families. Then they realize what they were afraid to face was exactly what they needed. This is what we all need.
We all need to look and meet the amazing families that comprise this one-tenth, one-hundredth or one-thousandth percent of our population and tell their stories. Celebrate them, celebrate their triumphs over adversities. Celebrate these amazing doctors and nurses whose passion and intelligence makes all of this possible. Celebrate the families who want to help the soldiers live a life as close to normal as possible. Stop enabling the media to clog our airwaves with drama about celebrities who live a life we'll never know, nor understand. Speak out and speak up!!! You want to raise hell, raise hell for the guys who serve for you!! Raise hell and celebrate the very small percent who sacrificed so much and ask for so little. One little ant can only do so much, but when a bunch of ants get together we can move mountains.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Green is not your color....
I seriously walk around in a happy bubble. I think everyone is kind and cares for others. I love my happy bubble. (I am the yellow fish from Nemo, "My bubbles") When you pop my bubble, I get a little upset. This weekend I discovered I am not the only one who has had people say some truly ignorant things to them as they have tried to heal their loved ones. I woke up this morning with it on my mind. The mom said to me this weekend, "I'd give anything to have your strength and nerve." Well I've got plenty so this one is for her and all the other girlfriends, wives, moms, dads, brothers, sisters, uncles, etc, etc who don't have my nerve.
(clears throat and grabs soap box and stands on it)
Do you have any feasible idea how incredibly hard it is to heal a wounded warrior? Have you walked in our shoes? Have you given up your friends, family, job, life, everything to heal someone you love? Have you had to build up a young man or woman who sacrificed his life and returned from his job overseas only to relearn his entire life? Have you had to sit down and have a thousand conversations with your children on why they can't go home yet? Have you had to take a crash course on narcotics or wound care or PIC lines?! Have you had to change your whole life? Do you get up everyday thinking about what you have to do for someone else so they can have a good start to their day?
If you answer no to these questions then don't judge me for my actions. Jealously green is not a becoming color and you shouldn't wear it. It is like spandex, just because it's an option, it doesn't mean you should wear it.
Yes we get to meet the President, various celebrities and athletes. Yes we are given opportunities the average American is not given. Yes we get to go places and people step up and bless us with vehicles, concerts and gifts and even trips. Yes we go and get massages and have the option for spa days and such. And you know what? We deserve every single thing that is given to us. Our warriors have been through so much and they deserve every freaking smile we can put on their faces. Our children deserve to get out and have fun. We NMAs and caregivers deserve to go have a 90 minute massage. We deserve to go have a day away from the hospital. What we are doing is absolutely positively exhausting. That 90 minute massage may be the only thing we get to do for ourselves for days or even a month. We get up everyday thinking about our warriors and our families, not ourselves. We don't get up thinking, well what can I get out of this for myself. (Yes I know those people exist around here, but they don't last because we weed them out.) We get up at 5 or 6 am and hardly sit down to eat much less rest. We don't stop until 10 or 11 (or later). We finally do stop our bodies now get coma like sleep because we are so exhausted. After the first few days or this crazy pace, your body just accepts it as your new normal. We have a crappy diet of whatever we can get our hands on while our warriors are in-patients. When they go out-patient we finally develop some sense of normalcy. But that is quickly interrupted by the WTB or random appointment or repair that has to be done to a wheelchair or prosthetic. From the moment you get the phone call that your soldier has been injured, your life is no longer yours. You willingly give it all up for whatever is in their best interest. Sounds like the life, huh?! You may think you have something to compare this too, but unless you have experienced a traumatic injury of this caliber you've got nothing in the vicinity that remotely compares to this. So please don't try to compare it, just try to support us.
But wait, you go on trips and meet celebrities. First let me tell you those celebrities take time out to thank us all for our service and sacrifice. It is so awesome that they take time out of their busy lives to come say hi. If they have enough time they hang out with our families for a few minutes. They don't come everyday. But when they do come it's only for a little bit, you get to take that little break and then it's back to business. The business of waiting for the human body to heal itself. The business of every day filled with appointments and doctors and therapists. As for the trips out and away, we all deserve to get away from the hospital. Gees, you try being there every single day and see if you don't need a break. It's not like all we do is hang out with celebrities and go on trips all day every day, we don't even do this every week.
I double dog dare you to swap lives with one of us for just a few hours. Those of you who are pointing fingers and judging us, let me assure you, you would not survive here. You would tuck your tail between your legs and run like the coward you are. Sure you can type things out on your keypad and hit send or post. But I'll bet money that you will not dare bring that to my face. Let me heed this warning to you. If I find out you bring that crap to one of our families I will happily take time out and sit you down and lay all this out for you. You will not like the dose of truth that I will dish out to you. When I have to lay out the truth to my clients I always ask are you ready to rip that band-aid and get to the truth of this and heal this wound. I also always remember my Grandaddy always said, "Be careful when you are pointing that finger, because you have 3 pointing right back at you." That's what we have going on here. It's called projection anger. You are so angry about what is going on that you project you anger to the person who looks the strongest. You take your own insecurities and toss them at someone so you don't have to confront your fears.
So let's rip that band-aid off and look it that wound. Here's the truth, someone you care about has been hurt. They chose someone that is not you to take care of them and you are extremely jealous of that and that pisses you off. So what do you do? You attack that person and try to tear them down. You look for any sign of weakness. You tell them they are too happy, or disillusion, you ask stupid crap like "Are you happy they were hurt?" You accuse them of making you loved ones' injuries about them self. You question them leaving the hospital for a break. Well that is just genius right?! Why don't you sit down and look at your own insecurities rather than picking apart someone who is going through so much right now? The bottom line is they are finding their inner strength and are driving forward and are driven by the best interests of the warrior they love. You just don't get it. You want to sit in your corner and cry. You just can't stand up and do what they are doing and you are jealous. You are jealous because you are not that warrior's soft place to fall. You want to be their everything. You want that front row seat, but they didn't choose you. Well here's what I say to that. We are a little busy healing over here and they last thing we need is your drama. We've got our own soap opera going on and we don't have time to fade into another story that is all about you. Get over yourself, and here's a news flash, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!! Suck it up, get over it and go find a hobby!!!
Our families are going through so much! We have to physically and psychologically heal our loved ones. We are in the middle of a hospital merger and are trying to sort it all out. We have the Army and the Navy fighting over territory. Then we have to deal with the Army and VA policies. We have to help our soldiers figure out what's next for them. We have to get help them get what they need for the rest of their lives. Then caregivers like me have kids to raise. NMAs/Caregivers are balancing so many full-time jobs that I lost count and we get a whopping $71 per day for all of this glamorous work. I bet your job is looking really good right now. So what in the world makes you think you have the audacity to questions or motives or attack us for our choices.
The last time someone attacked me for the choices we have made for our family I told them this. I will pray for you. I will pray that when you have a bad day someone is kind enough to put their arm around you to help you. I will pray that God will lead you to the light of hope. I will pray that your family never ever has to endure what my family is going through. But until you come and spend one hour in my shoes shut the hell up.
I stand 101 percent behind what I say. Caregivers need these breaks so they don't exhaust themselves from compassion fatigue. I can speak about projection anger and compassion fatigue because I fell victim to both of them. I am thankful I endured both because now I can help others heal from it and hopefully avoid it. Our warriors are given so many opportunities but our Caregivers and children are not. So when the opportunities arise I jump on them, because I don't know when the next one will arrive. I am sorry you do not understand. However, you can move on with your idiocy and leave us to heal. We need support, smiles and hope. If you cannot offer those to our families then best wishes to you.
(clears throat and grabs soap box and stands on it)
Do you have any feasible idea how incredibly hard it is to heal a wounded warrior? Have you walked in our shoes? Have you given up your friends, family, job, life, everything to heal someone you love? Have you had to build up a young man or woman who sacrificed his life and returned from his job overseas only to relearn his entire life? Have you had to sit down and have a thousand conversations with your children on why they can't go home yet? Have you had to take a crash course on narcotics or wound care or PIC lines?! Have you had to change your whole life? Do you get up everyday thinking about what you have to do for someone else so they can have a good start to their day?
If you answer no to these questions then don't judge me for my actions. Jealously green is not a becoming color and you shouldn't wear it. It is like spandex, just because it's an option, it doesn't mean you should wear it.
Yes we get to meet the President, various celebrities and athletes. Yes we are given opportunities the average American is not given. Yes we get to go places and people step up and bless us with vehicles, concerts and gifts and even trips. Yes we go and get massages and have the option for spa days and such. And you know what? We deserve every single thing that is given to us. Our warriors have been through so much and they deserve every freaking smile we can put on their faces. Our children deserve to get out and have fun. We NMAs and caregivers deserve to go have a 90 minute massage. We deserve to go have a day away from the hospital. What we are doing is absolutely positively exhausting. That 90 minute massage may be the only thing we get to do for ourselves for days or even a month. We get up everyday thinking about our warriors and our families, not ourselves. We don't get up thinking, well what can I get out of this for myself. (Yes I know those people exist around here, but they don't last because we weed them out.) We get up at 5 or 6 am and hardly sit down to eat much less rest. We don't stop until 10 or 11 (or later). We finally do stop our bodies now get coma like sleep because we are so exhausted. After the first few days or this crazy pace, your body just accepts it as your new normal. We have a crappy diet of whatever we can get our hands on while our warriors are in-patients. When they go out-patient we finally develop some sense of normalcy. But that is quickly interrupted by the WTB or random appointment or repair that has to be done to a wheelchair or prosthetic. From the moment you get the phone call that your soldier has been injured, your life is no longer yours. You willingly give it all up for whatever is in their best interest. Sounds like the life, huh?! You may think you have something to compare this too, but unless you have experienced a traumatic injury of this caliber you've got nothing in the vicinity that remotely compares to this. So please don't try to compare it, just try to support us.
But wait, you go on trips and meet celebrities. First let me tell you those celebrities take time out to thank us all for our service and sacrifice. It is so awesome that they take time out of their busy lives to come say hi. If they have enough time they hang out with our families for a few minutes. They don't come everyday. But when they do come it's only for a little bit, you get to take that little break and then it's back to business. The business of waiting for the human body to heal itself. The business of every day filled with appointments and doctors and therapists. As for the trips out and away, we all deserve to get away from the hospital. Gees, you try being there every single day and see if you don't need a break. It's not like all we do is hang out with celebrities and go on trips all day every day, we don't even do this every week.
I double dog dare you to swap lives with one of us for just a few hours. Those of you who are pointing fingers and judging us, let me assure you, you would not survive here. You would tuck your tail between your legs and run like the coward you are. Sure you can type things out on your keypad and hit send or post. But I'll bet money that you will not dare bring that to my face. Let me heed this warning to you. If I find out you bring that crap to one of our families I will happily take time out and sit you down and lay all this out for you. You will not like the dose of truth that I will dish out to you. When I have to lay out the truth to my clients I always ask are you ready to rip that band-aid and get to the truth of this and heal this wound. I also always remember my Grandaddy always said, "Be careful when you are pointing that finger, because you have 3 pointing right back at you." That's what we have going on here. It's called projection anger. You are so angry about what is going on that you project you anger to the person who looks the strongest. You take your own insecurities and toss them at someone so you don't have to confront your fears.
So let's rip that band-aid off and look it that wound. Here's the truth, someone you care about has been hurt. They chose someone that is not you to take care of them and you are extremely jealous of that and that pisses you off. So what do you do? You attack that person and try to tear them down. You look for any sign of weakness. You tell them they are too happy, or disillusion, you ask stupid crap like "Are you happy they were hurt?" You accuse them of making you loved ones' injuries about them self. You question them leaving the hospital for a break. Well that is just genius right?! Why don't you sit down and look at your own insecurities rather than picking apart someone who is going through so much right now? The bottom line is they are finding their inner strength and are driving forward and are driven by the best interests of the warrior they love. You just don't get it. You want to sit in your corner and cry. You just can't stand up and do what they are doing and you are jealous. You are jealous because you are not that warrior's soft place to fall. You want to be their everything. You want that front row seat, but they didn't choose you. Well here's what I say to that. We are a little busy healing over here and they last thing we need is your drama. We've got our own soap opera going on and we don't have time to fade into another story that is all about you. Get over yourself, and here's a news flash, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!! Suck it up, get over it and go find a hobby!!!
Our families are going through so much! We have to physically and psychologically heal our loved ones. We are in the middle of a hospital merger and are trying to sort it all out. We have the Army and the Navy fighting over territory. Then we have to deal with the Army and VA policies. We have to help our soldiers figure out what's next for them. We have to get help them get what they need for the rest of their lives. Then caregivers like me have kids to raise. NMAs/Caregivers are balancing so many full-time jobs that I lost count and we get a whopping $71 per day for all of this glamorous work. I bet your job is looking really good right now. So what in the world makes you think you have the audacity to questions or motives or attack us for our choices.
The last time someone attacked me for the choices we have made for our family I told them this. I will pray for you. I will pray that when you have a bad day someone is kind enough to put their arm around you to help you. I will pray that God will lead you to the light of hope. I will pray that your family never ever has to endure what my family is going through. But until you come and spend one hour in my shoes shut the hell up.
I stand 101 percent behind what I say. Caregivers need these breaks so they don't exhaust themselves from compassion fatigue. I can speak about projection anger and compassion fatigue because I fell victim to both of them. I am thankful I endured both because now I can help others heal from it and hopefully avoid it. Our warriors are given so many opportunities but our Caregivers and children are not. So when the opportunities arise I jump on them, because I don't know when the next one will arrive. I am sorry you do not understand. However, you can move on with your idiocy and leave us to heal. We need support, smiles and hope. If you cannot offer those to our families then best wishes to you.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Operation Home Cooking
Yesterday I along with 2500 other military spouses were given the gift of Operation Home Cooking. The organizers of the Metropolitan Cooking show here in DC decided they wanted to treat military spouses to a special day out. It was a great way to spend a day.
We got to start off our day being greeted by lots of military officials and then we had a cooking demonstration by Peter Smith, who came in 2nd place on Top Chef and owns a restaurant in DC. He was really fun to watch and created a scallop and pasta dish. Then a Master Sargent from the Army and his crew showed us his favorite pecan pie. He also provided the crowd with a bunch of tips.
I was excited to see Dr Jill Biden walk up beside us. I have highly admired what she and the First Lady Michele Obama are trying to do for our military families. I wanted to run up and thank her, but the Secret Service are not big fans of you doing that. So I just took pictures of her instead. Dr Biden talked for a little bit and thanked the crowd for their service sacrifices. She was an amazing speaker and you could feel how sincere she was about her words. Dr. Biden then introduced Guy Fieri.
Guy is hilarious. I have watched his show several times, but I had no idea how funny he was. We laughed and laughed and laughed. He kept giving things away to the crowd and at one point he threw a ham. Guy made a bacon-pork roll up and green bean casserole. It smelled so yummy and delicious. I really wish they would have let us try some of it.
Our special event was over and my friend Heather (who I came to the event with) and I saw some of our other friends from the hospital. We went over to talk with them and then I noticed Dr. Biden was talking to other spouses. I told Heather I wanted to meet her and we decided that we would hang around long enough to meet her. I am so glad we did. We got to watch Guy walk up and talk with Dr Biden and it was so cool to just watch them hang out. Then Guy suggested that we take a group picture.
After the group picture we started to walk away but Dr Biden's aide told us to stay and get our own pictures. We waited around a little longer and we got our one on one!! Dr Biden was so gracious and lovely. I would LOVE to sit down and have a real conversation with her and thank her for everything she is trying to do for our military families. She offered to take one on one pictures, but Heather and I decided to get one together because their were so many others behind us. We wanted to give them their turn. Dr Biden asked where we were stationed and when we told her we were wounded warrior wives, she immediately asked if anyone from the White House had reached out to us. I got to tell her I had met the President twice and that his fabulous aide was in touch with our family frequently. She then asked for our names and wished us and our soldiers well.
Heather and I ventured out into the cooking show. It reminded me of the Southern Living shows we have in TN. Tons of food and drink samples, cooking demonstrations, cookbooks and on and on. We bumped into one of the moms whose son is in the same company as our husbands. So our duo became a trio. We had such a great day. We walked around and compared and told our stories. It was great to have a day away from the hospital and it just be about us gals. We discovered some awesome peanut butter, some great granola and I found this awesome coffee stuff.
When I returned home I got to hear all about Chaz and the girls' day. Chaz drove them to the hospital for their Fall Family day and then to Taco Bell for lunch. It is so awesome that we have our van. Help Our Military Heroes thank you again for awarding us that van. Our van gives Chaz his freedom back and it is just incredible. He can just get in a drive, no legs required. The girls love having Daddy drive because they think it is so cool. Chaz can have his Daddy/Daughter dates just like he did before January 22, 2011 thank to your organization. After we shared our day with each other, we all jumped in our bed and cuddled and watched some Disney together.
Days like yesterday make the road to the new normal so freaking awesome! Thanks again to Operation Home Cooking and Help Our Military Heroes for making our day so great!!!
We got to start off our day being greeted by lots of military officials and then we had a cooking demonstration by Peter Smith, who came in 2nd place on Top Chef and owns a restaurant in DC. He was really fun to watch and created a scallop and pasta dish. Then a Master Sargent from the Army and his crew showed us his favorite pecan pie. He also provided the crowd with a bunch of tips.
I was excited to see Dr Jill Biden walk up beside us. I have highly admired what she and the First Lady Michele Obama are trying to do for our military families. I wanted to run up and thank her, but the Secret Service are not big fans of you doing that. So I just took pictures of her instead. Dr Biden talked for a little bit and thanked the crowd for their service sacrifices. She was an amazing speaker and you could feel how sincere she was about her words. Dr. Biden then introduced Guy Fieri.
Guy is hilarious. I have watched his show several times, but I had no idea how funny he was. We laughed and laughed and laughed. He kept giving things away to the crowd and at one point he threw a ham. Guy made a bacon-pork roll up and green bean casserole. It smelled so yummy and delicious. I really wish they would have let us try some of it.
Our special event was over and my friend Heather (who I came to the event with) and I saw some of our other friends from the hospital. We went over to talk with them and then I noticed Dr. Biden was talking to other spouses. I told Heather I wanted to meet her and we decided that we would hang around long enough to meet her. I am so glad we did. We got to watch Guy walk up and talk with Dr Biden and it was so cool to just watch them hang out. Then Guy suggested that we take a group picture. After the group picture we started to walk away but Dr Biden's aide told us to stay and get our own pictures. We waited around a little longer and we got our one on one!! Dr Biden was so gracious and lovely. I would LOVE to sit down and have a real conversation with her and thank her for everything she is trying to do for our military families. She offered to take one on one pictures, but Heather and I decided to get one together because their were so many others behind us. We wanted to give them their turn. Dr Biden asked where we were stationed and when we told her we were wounded warrior wives, she immediately asked if anyone from the White House had reached out to us. I got to tell her I had met the President twice and that his fabulous aide was in touch with our family frequently. She then asked for our names and wished us and our soldiers well.
When I returned home I got to hear all about Chaz and the girls' day. Chaz drove them to the hospital for their Fall Family day and then to Taco Bell for lunch. It is so awesome that we have our van. Help Our Military Heroes thank you again for awarding us that van. Our van gives Chaz his freedom back and it is just incredible. He can just get in a drive, no legs required. The girls love having Daddy drive because they think it is so cool. Chaz can have his Daddy/Daughter dates just like he did before January 22, 2011 thank to your organization. After we shared our day with each other, we all jumped in our bed and cuddled and watched some Disney together.
Days like yesterday make the road to the new normal so freaking awesome! Thanks again to Operation Home Cooking and Help Our Military Heroes for making our day so great!!!
Friday, November 4, 2011
Maybe you should tell me no....
I was talking to a group of people last night and we were talking about the Train concert and they asked me how did you do it. I told them this idea popped into my head so I emailed it in and I thought what's the worst they can do say no or just ignore the email. This morning I realized telling me no is no longer the worst thing to say to me, sometimes it the best.
I have very constructively voiced my opinions while we've been on this road. I have told Army, Navy and government officials more than once I will not bring you a problem without at least one solution we can work with. You know what's funny is the highest people up haven't told me no, it's the ones in the middle. They tell me, well that nice or that will never work. It's always fun to watch their reactions to me pushing it further. What's even better is when I go around them and get things done.
Last night someone said to me, "What makes you think you can change things?" First I am God's child. If he is with me, no one can be against me. Second I know what our families need. I have been walking this road for over 9 months. I have a first hand view of it all. Third I have a big mouth and I will fight for these families. They are tired and exhausted and they need help. Put those together and you have a mighty good force.
The biggest problem we have here is we have a bunch of stuff shirts who sit in offices and meetings and who think they know what we need. But the truth is they have not carried an 80 pound ruck sack for miles. They have not stepped on an IED. They have not been through a gazillions surgeries, blood transfusions, medications and all the above. Nor have they stood next to someone who has. I truly appreciate their sympathy but those who can share my empathy have a lot more of my respect. They can address our medical needs, but surviving all of this is way beyond the scope of medicine.
I have said again and again you cannot heal a solider completely without a support crew. If you make us feel unwanted or even useless or incompetent we will want to leave. If we leave who will be there for that soldier. We are the soldier's soft place to fall. You are the medical mystery solvers. We need each other. This is a symbiotic relationship, you can't heal them with us and we can't heal them with you. It takes a village to raise a child, to me it takes a nation to heal a solider.
I only have a Bachelor's degree in Political Science and History. I am surrounded by people with more degrees then I will ever be able to count. And they just don't get it. They haven't been there to see a soldier go outside for the first day. They haven't been there to watch a double amputee take their first steps. They haven't seen our warriors accomplish these huge milestones that we all take for granted everyday. The people making decisions on our behalf are in their own tunnels and don't realize the impact their decisions have on our families.
We have a great system in place. But sometimes that system forgets the little things and the people it is designed to help. I had a Colonel tell me the other day he has waited so long for an articulate enlisted spouse to speak up. He said we have a huge disconnect and we need someone who understands to help connect all of that. He said we are looking a bunch of quilt pieces right now and no one wants to take the time to stitch it together. It was that moment I realized I can't fix the whole system, but I can help these families. I can lessen a few of their worries. I can get parking spaces for our vans and trucks so the soldiers can get in and out without worry. I can arrange for outings to get their minds off of the hospital every once in a while. I can do small things that will really brighten their days. Blessing these families has been one of the greatest things I have done so far in my life. No amount of money in the world can ever top seeing the smiles on their faces when you help them. We all need an easy button to push every once in a while and I am thankful that I can sometimes provide that for them.
I have very constructively voiced my opinions while we've been on this road. I have told Army, Navy and government officials more than once I will not bring you a problem without at least one solution we can work with. You know what's funny is the highest people up haven't told me no, it's the ones in the middle. They tell me, well that nice or that will never work. It's always fun to watch their reactions to me pushing it further. What's even better is when I go around them and get things done.
Last night someone said to me, "What makes you think you can change things?" First I am God's child. If he is with me, no one can be against me. Second I know what our families need. I have been walking this road for over 9 months. I have a first hand view of it all. Third I have a big mouth and I will fight for these families. They are tired and exhausted and they need help. Put those together and you have a mighty good force.
The biggest problem we have here is we have a bunch of stuff shirts who sit in offices and meetings and who think they know what we need. But the truth is they have not carried an 80 pound ruck sack for miles. They have not stepped on an IED. They have not been through a gazillions surgeries, blood transfusions, medications and all the above. Nor have they stood next to someone who has. I truly appreciate their sympathy but those who can share my empathy have a lot more of my respect. They can address our medical needs, but surviving all of this is way beyond the scope of medicine.
I have said again and again you cannot heal a solider completely without a support crew. If you make us feel unwanted or even useless or incompetent we will want to leave. If we leave who will be there for that soldier. We are the soldier's soft place to fall. You are the medical mystery solvers. We need each other. This is a symbiotic relationship, you can't heal them with us and we can't heal them with you. It takes a village to raise a child, to me it takes a nation to heal a solider.
I only have a Bachelor's degree in Political Science and History. I am surrounded by people with more degrees then I will ever be able to count. And they just don't get it. They haven't been there to see a soldier go outside for the first day. They haven't been there to watch a double amputee take their first steps. They haven't seen our warriors accomplish these huge milestones that we all take for granted everyday. The people making decisions on our behalf are in their own tunnels and don't realize the impact their decisions have on our families.
We have a great system in place. But sometimes that system forgets the little things and the people it is designed to help. I had a Colonel tell me the other day he has waited so long for an articulate enlisted spouse to speak up. He said we have a huge disconnect and we need someone who understands to help connect all of that. He said we are looking a bunch of quilt pieces right now and no one wants to take the time to stitch it together. It was that moment I realized I can't fix the whole system, but I can help these families. I can lessen a few of their worries. I can get parking spaces for our vans and trucks so the soldiers can get in and out without worry. I can arrange for outings to get their minds off of the hospital every once in a while. I can do small things that will really brighten their days. Blessing these families has been one of the greatest things I have done so far in my life. No amount of money in the world can ever top seeing the smiles on their faces when you help them. We all need an easy button to push every once in a while and I am thankful that I can sometimes provide that for them.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The list....
Here's the list of needs that immediately came to my head. This is what I ran out and got when we moved into our apartment in August! We are super lucky we have a van and can afford to do so.
Please contact Mark and let him know what you are donating. He needs to keep his records accurate. Due to IRS and CFC regulations, he is required to document all donations. You can reach him at helpota@operationtroopaid.org today!
Please contact Operation Troop Aid if you would like a donation letter for your taxes. You can reach him at helpota@operationtroopaid.org and Mark Woods is the President of the organization. OTA is a IRS certified 501 (c) 3. If you are mailing anything please send it to SSG Chaz & Jessica Allen 1200 East West Highway Silver Spring MD 20910. OTA is based in TN and we don't want OTA to take on the shipping expense. They are already doing so much for our soldiers! Thanks again for any and all help!!!
- broom
- mop
- mop bucket
- dustpan
- trash cans (think kitchen and bathroom)
- coffee maker
- hair dryers
- iron
- ironing board
- toaster
- toilet paper
- paper towels
- napkins
- cleaning supplies (think windex, fantastic, pledge, etc)
- laundry baskets
- laundry detergent
- dryer sheets
- trash bags
- silver ware
- plates
- cups
- dish towels
- dish rags
- dish washing soap
- dishwasher detergent
- can goods & non-perishable foods
- salt & pepper sets
- basic spices (ex. garlic salt, onion salt, cinnamon)
- Twin & double bed linens
- bath towels and wash clothes
- vacuums
- pots & pans
Please contact Mark and let him know what you are donating. He needs to keep his records accurate. Due to IRS and CFC regulations, he is required to document all donations. You can reach him at helpota@operationtroopaid.org today!
Please contact Operation Troop Aid if you would like a donation letter for your taxes. You can reach him at helpota@operationtroopaid.org and Mark Woods is the President of the organization. OTA is a IRS certified 501 (c) 3. If you are mailing anything please send it to SSG Chaz & Jessica Allen 1200 East West Highway Silver Spring MD 20910. OTA is based in TN and we don't want OTA to take on the shipping expense. They are already doing so much for our soldiers! Thanks again for any and all help!!!
Wanna Help?!
Chaz, my family and friends will tell you I don't sit still very well at all. I always have to be multitasking. Hey, it's my thing! The day Chaz was hurt, I was helping over see a total of 5 Girl Scout Troops as a Cluster Leader. I led one Junior troop. I was still heavily involved in our PTO. I was on the Parental Advisory and Zoning Boards for the school system. I was the Kappa Delta Clarksville Alumnae Shamrock Chair. While still running my own tax company and being a Pampered Chef Consultant. Yes I know I am crazy, but I truly love giving back and staying busy.
The only thing I kept after January 22 was my tax business and Pampered Chef. I have kept the PC down to a minimum. I love my PC and I just do enough to stay active. My tax business is my dream and there's no way I can give it up. I help way too many people by doing their taxes. People depend on my help and my heart gets filled by their appreciation.
Chaz and I have a deal. I will not add anything to my plate without discussing it with him. Which I kinda always have, but now I really do. Chaz and the girls need me more than anyone or anything. They will always be number one. Chaz is called to serve just like I am. We believe it paying it forward. We would not be this far down our journey without the help of others.
A few weeks ago Chaz got a call that his First Sargent wanted to meet with me. Chaz looked at me and said, "What did you do now?" Then we both talked about the new First Sargent and what I could have possibly done now. He told me to go play nice. So while Chaz was at PT, I walked into the First Sargent's office. I sat down and said, "What did my big mouth do now?" He then told me it isn't what your big mouth did, it's what I want it to do. He then explained to me how he wants to help his soldiers by helping their NMAs and Caregivers. He told me that he can only imagine what we are going through and how he wanted to help. He said they felt I was the perfect person to help them. So together we formed a plan.
Two days ago on November 1, we had our first NMA/Caregiver Resource Group. I am pleased to say it went extremely well!!! Our conference room was packed with people. We weren't expecting that many. So we now know we need a bigger room. It was a learning experience. The First Sargent and I shared with the group some of our knowledge and we listened to the group to learn what else was needed. We found out what the problems are and we're going to get them addressed!
When our soldiers leave the hospital they either discharge to Fisher House or Building 62. Fisher House is very self-sufficient but Bldg 62 is just the opposite. We have soldiers showing up to empty apartments with nothing!!! They can do to Red Cross for somethings, but the majority of it they would need to run to the store. Yes there's a PX & Commissary, but most of the NMAs are parents or siblings without DOD cards and therefore are denied the shopping privileges. They would need their soldier to go with them. Most of the guys are not in the shopping mood when they discharge from the hospital. Then they may or may not have a vehicle to go shopping. We all know that first haul to set up a new place is quite big and expensive and that's not what you want to bring in the Metro and cabs are too expensive. I, myself, cannot personally take everyone of them shopping. I wish I could, but I am so busy I just can't.
Here's where I need your help!! Do you have a contact that could provide some basic needs for setting up a first home? Please remember our soldiers are starting from scratch when they go outpatient. They need toliet paper, paper towels, all the linens you can think of, laundry baskets and laundry supplies, trash cans, coffee makers, toasters, silverware, plates, cups, salt & pepper and basic spices, cleaning supplies, some starter can goods and non-perishables, shampoo, conditioner, and the list goes on and on and on. I found out in Bldg 62 they all share 1 vacuum. Which is just crazy to me. So who do you know who can help?!
Operation Troop Aid is helping me work with Pampered Chef and Tupperware to get some kitchen and storage supplies in there, but who do you know who could help?! I am all ears!! Help me, help them!!! Operation Troop Aid is a 501 (c) 3 non-profit and can provide IRS documentation upon request to make this all happen. Just shoot me contact information. We are trying to help 70 families. So any leads you have would be highly appreciated!! Thank you!!!
The only thing I kept after January 22 was my tax business and Pampered Chef. I have kept the PC down to a minimum. I love my PC and I just do enough to stay active. My tax business is my dream and there's no way I can give it up. I help way too many people by doing their taxes. People depend on my help and my heart gets filled by their appreciation.
Chaz and I have a deal. I will not add anything to my plate without discussing it with him. Which I kinda always have, but now I really do. Chaz and the girls need me more than anyone or anything. They will always be number one. Chaz is called to serve just like I am. We believe it paying it forward. We would not be this far down our journey without the help of others.
A few weeks ago Chaz got a call that his First Sargent wanted to meet with me. Chaz looked at me and said, "What did you do now?" Then we both talked about the new First Sargent and what I could have possibly done now. He told me to go play nice. So while Chaz was at PT, I walked into the First Sargent's office. I sat down and said, "What did my big mouth do now?" He then told me it isn't what your big mouth did, it's what I want it to do. He then explained to me how he wants to help his soldiers by helping their NMAs and Caregivers. He told me that he can only imagine what we are going through and how he wanted to help. He said they felt I was the perfect person to help them. So together we formed a plan.
Two days ago on November 1, we had our first NMA/Caregiver Resource Group. I am pleased to say it went extremely well!!! Our conference room was packed with people. We weren't expecting that many. So we now know we need a bigger room. It was a learning experience. The First Sargent and I shared with the group some of our knowledge and we listened to the group to learn what else was needed. We found out what the problems are and we're going to get them addressed!
When our soldiers leave the hospital they either discharge to Fisher House or Building 62. Fisher House is very self-sufficient but Bldg 62 is just the opposite. We have soldiers showing up to empty apartments with nothing!!! They can do to Red Cross for somethings, but the majority of it they would need to run to the store. Yes there's a PX & Commissary, but most of the NMAs are parents or siblings without DOD cards and therefore are denied the shopping privileges. They would need their soldier to go with them. Most of the guys are not in the shopping mood when they discharge from the hospital. Then they may or may not have a vehicle to go shopping. We all know that first haul to set up a new place is quite big and expensive and that's not what you want to bring in the Metro and cabs are too expensive. I, myself, cannot personally take everyone of them shopping. I wish I could, but I am so busy I just can't.
Here's where I need your help!! Do you have a contact that could provide some basic needs for setting up a first home? Please remember our soldiers are starting from scratch when they go outpatient. They need toliet paper, paper towels, all the linens you can think of, laundry baskets and laundry supplies, trash cans, coffee makers, toasters, silverware, plates, cups, salt & pepper and basic spices, cleaning supplies, some starter can goods and non-perishables, shampoo, conditioner, and the list goes on and on and on. I found out in Bldg 62 they all share 1 vacuum. Which is just crazy to me. So who do you know who can help?!
Operation Troop Aid is helping me work with Pampered Chef and Tupperware to get some kitchen and storage supplies in there, but who do you know who could help?! I am all ears!! Help me, help them!!! Operation Troop Aid is a 501 (c) 3 non-profit and can provide IRS documentation upon request to make this all happen. Just shoot me contact information. We are trying to help 70 families. So any leads you have would be highly appreciated!! Thank you!!!
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