Yesterday I had to come home from Bethesda and drown myself in my music. Before you even ask, yes it was all Train. Weeks ago I was asked to help our company help the NMAs/Caregivers. I knew I was taking on a lot, but I truly didn't realize how much until yesterday.
I know what I have given up. I know what I have sacrificed. But like an idiot I naively thought no one else had outside drama. I really thought they just had the medical drama. I was in my own tunnel. Which is totally understandable, if you think about it. How could I not be in some sort of a tunnel? I am healing myself, my husband, my kids, home schooling the girls, running a house hold, taking care of a house in TN, trying to keep my business up and running, trying to stay involved in my friends life and trying to hold on to any piece of my former life. Yesterday I began to feel guilty about being in my tunnel, but then I realized if you put your family first how can you avoid that tunnel.
Yesterday the magnitude of all this crashed into me. I see all this 99% percent stuff, but I am not the 99% I am part of the one-tenth or maybe even smaller. The military is comprised of less than 1% of our population and now we are a wounded family so when you boil it down we make up about one-tenth of our population. I wish I could go raise hell on wall street, or on Capitol Hill, but instead I am going around a hospital and letting families know that Chaz and I are here to help and that we understand. Then I go navigate through ulterior motives at a gigantic hospital to find someone (hopefully more than one) who gives a damn about these guys, their families and their healing. I realized yesterday because I am taking a proactive role in all of this that makes me even smaller like maybe the one-hundredth.
It is so hard to be the one people come to. It is so hard to bare that cross for other people. It is so hard to fight everyday for something that should just be common sense to human beings. But these humans are a part of the military industrial complex. They are lost in the bureaucracy and have lost touch with the fact that they are controlling peoples lives. I know the families come to me because I understand and I can help. I really do not mind helping at all. I really enjoy helping the ones who I know appreciate it. Sometimes that helping is just listening and sometimes I can guide them down the right path. I realized yesterday I could not be a shrink. I cannot handle all the drama. First I don't like drama, so therefore it's kind of hard for me to be sympathetic. If you bring me drama, I will tell you how to fix it, if you don't fix it, don't bring me more. Please for the love of all that is holy, don't try to bring me into your drama. If you try and bring me into your drama I will walk away from you all together. I am a positive and constructive person. I will not allow you to tear me down and drown me in your pool of negativity. So don't try it.
There is so much anger around here that it is toxic. We try to keep the girls away from it, but it is almost impossible. People are angry over the BRAC move. They are angry because they had to leave their lives behind. They are angry over their loved one being hurt. They are angry over everything. Which I do understand, oh do I understand. But I refuse to let the anger win. I cannot be angry at anyone. Chaz could have been injured in a car wreck. Chaz could have not come home. We'll never know who caused Chaz's injuries and he and I don't care who it was. Because truth be told, if the tables were turned we would have fought to protect our country if they came into our town and tried to tell us what to do. We are at peace with why. God will lead us to the rest of the answers. God has already blessed us with so much and he will continue to do so. So when you factor in our faith that puts us into the one-thousandth percent.
So the question is how do you heal these families? How do you heal their battle buddies? How do you heal all the lives that have effected by the blast of an IED? How do you convince people to listen? How do you convince important people to give a crap about these guys? How do you convince them that even just a card can make their day brighter? How do you convince people that these guys are not worried about themselves and their injuries, they are concerned about their families? How do you convince them if you just keep smothering the problem down it will not make it go away? I challenge the people who can make a difference to keep pushing all of this down. Keep shoving it in the floor boards. Just like the characters from Edgar Allan Poe's Tell-Tale Heart you will one day rip those boards up to see what you are covering up. My advice is deal with it all now. I know you can't fix it all today, but just show us you care and let us see progress. I am totally happy with baby steps. I am not looking for the 10 meter jump here.
Why has our media stopped reporting on our troops? Why are the lead stories about Kim, Lindsey, and the doctor who killed Michael Jackson. They are such a microscopic percent of our population, yet they get the majority of our media's attention. Does anyone see a problem here?! All lives are important and all lives should be celebrated, but Kim's divorce and Lindsey's jail time is no where close as valuable as the soldier who left his life and love behind to serve our country for 3, 6, 9 or 12 months. I think our priorities need to be reevaluated and I think our media should blaze the path less taken!
I still want to know what is everyone ashamed of? Yes our government sent us to war to fight. Some of us question their motives and if we wait a few more years it will all come out like it always does. But these soldiers are proud of their service and sacrifice and we all should be. I know I am, I know everyone who comes in contact with my family is. So let these guys know how proud you are. When you celebrate our service members, you are also celebrating our families and we are so thankful for that. Celebrities usually come to the hospital all poopy faced and down until they meet our soldiers and there families. Then they realize what they were afraid to face was exactly what they needed. This is what we all need.
We all need to look and meet the amazing families that comprise this one-tenth, one-hundredth or one-thousandth percent of our population and tell their stories. Celebrate them, celebrate their triumphs over adversities. Celebrate these amazing doctors and nurses whose passion and intelligence makes all of this possible. Celebrate the families who want to help the soldiers live a life as close to normal as possible. Stop enabling the media to clog our airwaves with drama about celebrities who live a life we'll never know, nor understand. Speak out and speak up!!! You want to raise hell, raise hell for the guys who serve for you!! Raise hell and celebrate the very small percent who sacrificed so much and ask for so little. One little ant can only do so much, but when a bunch of ants get together we can move mountains.
Hey girl, I really relate to your post today!! I am sure all medical facilities come with their vast and intense array of emotions, but I must say the anger at Walter Reed is very apparent. I understand why in a very personal way, because I've struggled with it from a loss of daily normalcy to Walter Reed nonsense all the way to frustrations over war and politics. At the same time, there are people there who care and are tremendously inspiring and positive. Like anything else, it's up to us to choose who we surround ourselves with, and it is up to us to decide how long we will drown ourselves in self-pity and grief.
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