Sunday, January 4, 2015

Growing Up Through Trauma

It is a bittersweet day for this Momma. Cutie #2 has decided to sleep in her own bed. (Enter criticism of others).
Now some are thinking, they slept with you....yes, yes they did. Why? Because Chaz was gone ALL THE TIME! I was in a house by myself and I hated the idea of our children not being right next to me.

Your next thought? Chaz allowed this? Yup sure did. He and I agreed that time would fly and they would decide on their own to leave. His traumatic incident forced it a little sooner, but it has all worked out.

Your next thought? You must have clingy children? Actually they are just the opposite.They are independent, brilliant young ladies who has zero problems making friends wherever they go.

Yes both girls slept with us (mostly me because Chaz was always gone) for the beginning of their lives. It wasn't until we were forced to move to Maryland that they slept separate. They slept separate simply because they did not have room with us. When we moved home to Tennessee they chose to sleep together in Cutie #1's room. But this week Cutie #2 decided it was time to go to her own room.

All three of us are a little sad, but also happy for her. It's a big step for her little self. The most important part was that she made the decision all on her own. What this tells me is that Chaz and I have been able to give and build her confidence throughout all this crazy.

I will not lie, the three of us have rallied unknowingly together to protect her from everything. Somehow, and not by force, Cutie #1 protected her sister from everything that we have all been through. Somehow together we have protected the innocence of Cutie #2. It's kind of nice when you think of it, but yes I agree it's unfair to Cutie #1. I can assure you and witnesses can testify that she has never been forced to be the protector. I think it has something to do with her being the oldest.

For sure Cutie #2 has had the least amount of trauma from our journey. We haven't had to remind her to "just be a kid" like we have with #1. #1 hardly ever listens to that and I doubt she ever will. #1 has the urge to help others and has a tendency to jump in to help, except when we are talking about chores around the house.

Raising children through a traumatic incident is very interesting. Our girls were 8 and 5 when this all began almost 4 years ago. We have tried our best to give them a great life despite our limitations. We have taken advantage of opportunities that created some amazing memories for us all. We are definitely not wealthy, but we do try to make up for it in love. We have loved them through their tears and anger over everything that has happened to us. I think that love has truly helped them heal.

I will admit dealing with the house has been the most difficult part for us parenting wise. #2 is now with the program and understands everything a little bit better. Both of our girls have had the hardest time dealing with the fact that people came to our home (both current and to the land) and made promises to help our family and then broke those promises. It is a topic of conversation that just fizzed out when we went to write the names on the wood a few months ago. Now our girls understand that we are building with the help and support of others. I think they have more pride in our home because we are building it ourselves. I know Chaz and I do.

I am pleased to say they are finally excited about the house again. They have watched their Dad get hurt again and again in this home and they want the house for him as much as I do.

We are all ready to move on to our next chapter. It's a very exciting time in our home. We are spending time on pinterest getting ideas for what colors we want on the walls and fixtures and things like that. It is so wonderful to have some excitement in our home again. And as a Mom, it is just great to see your kids get excited about something.

We will be moving from a city to the country. We are giving up convenience for peace and quiet. The girls are very much aware of where we are going and the changes that will be made. Of course it hasn't really hit them yet. We do talk about it all the time. What's funny is when we get to our property for a visit, they get to run around in the back yard without a care in the world. They then tell us how ready they are to leave the city. I think our city girls are ready for a change of pace.

Growing up through trauma is definitely interesting. The one thing I have learned as a parent is to go with your gut. So far our decisions have been pretty darn good ones. We can only hope that our decisions help our cuties become courageous adults and great citizens.


  1. You gave your girls the security they needed when they needed it the most! The fact that she's ready to be on her own now shows that you did the right thing!
    These words are so very comforting! He's speaking directly to you! Praying!
    John 14:1-3 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.

  2. Continuing to lift up prayer!
    1 John 1:1-4 That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon, and our hands have handled, of the Word of life; (For the life was manifested, and we have seen it, and bear witness, and shew unto you that eternal life, which was with the Father, and was manifested unto us;) That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ. And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.

  3. Such amazing words of comfort! Praying right now!
    John 11:25-27 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this? She saith unto him, Yea, Lord: I believe that thou art the Christ, the Son of God, which should come into the world.