Behind the Picture....

I had to laugh when I saw that ABC News used this picture. There is such a great story behind it. This picture was actually one of the best days of our healing after our OIF PTS (Post-Traumatic Stress). To me it is a snapshot of a victory for us.

Chaz was in Iraq September 2005-06. That deployment was Hell, I mean Hell for us. That was the deployment that tried to take my husband, in more than one way. Chaz lost over 30 guys in that year. His friend Mac was killed and the "Green Incident" occurred. It really was a true breaking deployment for us. Chaz was battling everything there and I had a baby with every baby thing a baby could get and a 3 year old with almost uncontrollable asthma that at one point required breathing treatments every other hour for over 24 hours.

I remember noticing on his R&R he was different, but those 2 weeks flew by so it wasn't enough time to really see the difference. No the difference came home in September 2006.

My fun, silly husband was this angry, jumpy man I didn't recognize. He barked orders at us and got mad when the simplest things didn't go his way. I couldn't stand to be around him a lot of times. Cutie #1 screamed in his face all the time. Life was rough then. Worst of all, if you asked for help from the Army then, you were cast out like damaged goods. We knew we were on our own to figure it all out.

I fought for our marriage. I remember one day I told Chaz I wasn't leaving and that we were going to figure this all out and we needed time to do so. It was a day when he barked orders at me like I was his soldier. I just lost it.

Well the answer to us was moving, we needed a fresh start. But the Army locked us into Campbell so we were stuck. A Senior NCO got Chaz an interview with the NCO Academy. It was a long shot because his rating NCOs has crushed him with a Bronze Star denial and horrible NCOERs (performance reviews) all thanks to the "Green Incident" that he and so many others in the platoon had nothing to do with but they were sure getting messed up for it.

To make matters worse, we couldn't escape the Green Incident. Every time we turned around someone was talking about Green or Chaz was being called to testify. One day I lost it on the lawyer who showed up on our door step to ask us questions about everything. I slammed the door in her face and told her, to give Green back to Iraq and let them figure it out. No she never came back to our home. Yes I was rude and she was only doing her job. but I was just at my end with the Green case. I just wanted to put it all behind us.

We needed a fresh start, but the Army wouldn't let us leave Campbell. So we bought a new house in Clarksville in 2007. Then Chaz worked his ass off to get into the NCO Academy. That work paid off and he was invited to be an instructor. His schedule was 15 days on 4 days off, but he finally was able to spend time with us. And thanks to the Academy we finally had Federal holidays together and 2 weeks of leave every 6 months. I finally had my husband more than a few hours at night thanks to the Academy. Don't get me wrong those 15 days straight were rough, but time flew by and before we knew it another 15 day cycle was behind us.

During this time Chaz started dating me again. We had to find the times where it was just us. We had to find those places where we could find those kids who fell in love before 9-11 changed everything.

Chaz started "dating" Cutie #1. Their relationship was so strained we thought Daddy-Daughter dates would help a lot and they did. But Cutie #1 had a lot of resentment towards the Army. She was so smart even back then. She knew where Daddy's anger came from. She would talk to someone in civilian clothes, but not in uniform. She related Daddy's anger to the uniform. It was something else we knew we had to work on.We would have friends come over and get to know her without uniforms, then when they were in uniform she seemed to accept them. We had to ease her into knowing the uniform was just clothes. We even had to have Chaz change immediately when he got home to ease her stress.

Cutie #2 was only 2 when we moved and started over. Chaz had a blank slate with her. This might explain why they are so close even today. #2 showed Chaz a lot of love just for being present and he really needed that.

Two years later in August 2009, Chaz's term at the Academy ended. He worked so hard at healing our family and being a great instructor, he won NCO of the Cycle 4 times and then won the MG Aubrey "Red" Newman Award (the one around his neck in the picture). But this picture of Cutie #1 hiding is so funny. We tried to get a family picture again and again. But every soldier in the room was standing and applauding Chaz that made the girls panic. You see Cutie #1 is hiding in our legs and #2 is holding blankey and Doug as tight as possible with that thumb in her mouth. Chaz and I were laughing. They just did not understand what was going on. It was so stinking cute.

It was a very great day for us. We committed those two years to our family. Chaz went from bad NCOERs to winning awards. We learn that for us surviving PTS meant investing in our family's love. Are we healed? No, I really don't think you ever are fully healed from PTS. I think you learn how to cope.

Chaz and I think we have handled healing from his physical injuries so well because we already fought with PTS and won. We know how to respond to PTS when it rears its ugly head and know how to minimize the damage it can cause. Our battle with PTS is so very far from over, but we the love and support of each other we are ready to battle and win every time!