Since Chaz has been injured, we have turned down many events that were on Memorial Day weekend where they wanted to honor Chaz's service. Chaz and I will not allow Chaz to be honored on this weekend. Chaz has Armed Forces Day, Veterans Day and everyday to be celebrated. Today is the day to remember those who served so valiantly, yet are no longer with us.
This is a picture of the bottom of my computer monitor. I spend a lot of time at my desk. Sometimes I like sitting here because of what I can get accomplished. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I have to walk away. I put these bracelets here as a daily reminder of how blessed I am to be here. I am reminded that I am blessed to be an American. And I am reminded that I am blessed to still have my soldier with me. I have these bracelets here to remind me of the sacrifices made by others so I can continue to enjoy my life. I have these here to remind me that I might be having a bad day, but it could always be worse.
We lost SFC McSwain June 8, 2006. We lost SGT McConnell March 18, 2013. In between these two Heroes, we have lost an additional 30 plus Heroes. I stopped counting in 2006. Yes it was in that one year we lost over 30 friends to OIF. Now we've lost friends to OIF, OEF, training accidents and invisible injuries. You look at the numbers and see statistics, I see faces and families. I want to take a second to reflect on two very personal losses. Mac was our first and I can only pray Derek is our last.
When I learned about Mac, I was shattered to my core. I was the first one of my Army friends to lose someone to combat. This was all new territory and I had to figure out the way all alone. The worst part of it was Chaz was still in Iraq and I had no idea if he knew and if he was ok. Chaz and Mac came to Ft Campbell together. They deployed to Kosovo together. They left Campbell together and returned to Campbell together. Mac's wife and I were not the closest of friends but we did have a few great moments together as our hubbies bonded during their service. I just didn't feel right invading her space upon hearing about Mac's passing. I just went to the memorial service instead. I could not imagine what she was going through and I wanted to be respectful of her privacy.
I'll never forget Mac's memorial. I sat with a friend just a few rows behind Mac's wife. When she put their new baby up on her shoulder and I went into the ugly cry. You know, the cannot control yourself, snot pouring out of your nose, sounds like you might be having an asthma attack cry. Their baby was just two months younger that our Ryann. Mac was just a few miles from Chaz when Mac was killed. So many thoughts ran through my head. Mac's service was the first time I had to deal with the Westboro people. That entire day was just horrible and I mean horrible. When Chaz called me a few days after Mac's service we had the one and only "during deployment" phone call that involved tears. I am a tough chick, but just hearing Chaz's voice after that service sent me into tears. Those tears were tears of reality. I realized that when you choose to marry a soldier you have to accept the horrible dose of reality that occasionally comes with it. That was a hard pill to swallow.
Fast forward through a few years and I realize we've lost so many. Chaz has told me more things about war then I ever wanted to know. I know too many stories of what happened to so many of his friends. I can see their faces and I have seen the families that are left behind.
That brings me to Derek. He literally stole my heart one day. He was such an amazing guy and he fought so hard. The day after Chaz's surgery, I get a call in the Starbucks drive thru that sent me into shaking. Let me assure you, I freaked the Starbucks people out with my shaky hands. The tears came when I got to Chaz's hospital room. I'll never understand how he could survive 2 IEDs, fight for 20 months and then his body just stop. It just doesn't make any sense.
Derek's mom entered my life thanks to facebook friends who wanted us to help them on this journey. I have so many great memories of Derek and those who love him. Derek stole my heart the day he asked us to be there when he stood up for the first time. I'll never forget him saying to me before that day, "You have to be there, you're like family now." What a great day that was and we were so blessed to be a part of it. I am so thankful for all the great stories I can tell people about Derek.
We didn't get to make it to Derek's memorial or service. Sadly Chaz was fighting another battle with bacteria. Not being there truly broke my heart. I was able to see Siobhan just after Derek's passing. But I wanted to be there that day to hug Siobhan and Krystina. I know they know we could not have gone with everything going on with Chaz. Knowing that they understand has never made it easier on me. I think about Derek all the time. When Ryann smiles it makes me think of her and Derek and them being silly about their mutual missing teeth. I think about Derek and how Chaz and Derek once decided if I took my tater tot casserole to war, I could end the whole thing. I think about Derek telling me about how excited he was about retirement and getting married and moving on with his life.
Chaz and I have lost Heroes to so many different circumstances. We've lost them to IEDs, snipers, training accidents and to me what is the most painful, the invisible injuries. No matter how we lose them, the loss never gets any easier. The only part that makes the loss any easier is seeing a glimpse of them every now and again in those who hold their memories so dear. I am so honored that I have memories of so many Heroes. I can only pray they are smiling down upon me today and I pray I am making them proud.
Today please take a moment to reflect on this day and it's true meaning. Think of our first and last losses, Mac and Derek. Also think of the thousands of other service members who have served, but are not with us today. Think about their loved ones who are the keepers of the Heroes. Please give thanks for the loved ones who not only keep the Heroes' memories alive but also for their willingness to share those memories with all of us. Please just take a minute to treasure the memories of Memorial Day.
Thank you for your stories. Heart breaking and heart warming at the same time. We civilians have no idea what our service people and their families endure. I appreciate the insight. God bless and keep you.
ReplyDeletePraying so hard for all who've lost loved ones! Still can't get over Derek's loss...no, it doesn't make any sense. He fought so hard.
ReplyDeletePsalms 130:1-2, 5-7 Out of the depths have I cried unto thee, O LORD. Lord, hear my voice: let thine ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications (5-7) I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. Let Israel hope in the LORD: for with the LORD there is mercy, and with him is plenteous redemption.
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Know that I'm still here praying!
ReplyDeletePsalms 59:16-17 But I will sing of thy power; yea, I will sing aloud of thy mercy in the morning: for thou hast been my defence and refuge in the day of my trouble. Unto thee, O my strength, will I sing: for God is my defence, and the God of my mercy.
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Know that the Lord is always with you, wrapping His loving arms around you and holding on tight! Praying right now!
ReplyDeletePsalms 18:2-6 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
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Praying!
ReplyDeletePsalms 18:30-32 As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him. For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God? It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
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These words give such hope. Praying hard!
ReplyDeleteJohn 14:1-3 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
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Know that you're in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteRomans 8:15-18 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together. For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
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Always look to the Lord whatever the need. Praying!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletePsalms 121:1-4 I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber. Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.
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ReplyDeleteWe know that wounded veterans have paid a huge price while protecting our freedom and liberty. H2O Distributors says, "Thank you for your sacrifice and your service to our country."
Always here praying!
ReplyDeletePsalms 121:5-8 The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand. The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.
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There are many storms in life. What a blessing to know we have an Anchor! Praying!
ReplyDeleteHebrews 6:17-20a Wherein God, willing more abundantly to shew unto the heirs of promise the immutability of his counsel, confirmed it by an oath: That by two immutable things, in which it was impossible for God to lie, we might have a strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold upon the hope set before us: Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil; Whither the forerunner is for us entered, even Jesus...
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Lifting up prayer!
ReplyDeletePsalms 56:3-4, 13 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me...For thou hast delivered my soul from death: wilt not thou deliver my feet from falling, that I may walk before God in the light of the living?
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These words are such a precious gift of comfort! Praying!
ReplyDeleteJob 19:25-27 For I know that my redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: And though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God: Whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another; though my reins be consumed within me.
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