“ ‘Here comes that dreamer!’ they said to each other” (Genesis, 37:19, NIV) This scripture comes from the story of Joseph. Poor Joseph, he was disliked by so many, but no matter what he never gave up! He had his dreams and he put faith in God to see those dreams come true. His own brothers wanted him gone because they were so jealous of his positivity and his relationship with their father. His own brothers sold him into slavery. Then he was thrown in jail, but no matter how dark his world got he held on to his dreams. Later the Pharaoh heard of his abilities and called Joseph out of prison and then rewarded him for dreams.
Joseph's story has always been one of my favorite stories from the bible. Andrew Lloyd Webber created a great song to try to sum up Joseph's struggles. The song says, "Close every door to me, keep those I love from me, children of Israel are never alone, for we know we shall find our own piece of mind, for we have been promised a land of our own." To me this says, no matter what adversities come your way, no matter how dark your world may seem, God put those dreams in your head and he has promised you great things, but you have to find that piece of your own mind on your own and seek Him. If you let go of that dark and seek the light and step in faith God will see you through, but you have to hang on. God does not guarantee us an easy road, but He does promise to see us through.
I can tell you the most frustrating part of this journey is being told "you can't do that" or "why would you want to do that?" or "we want you to do this" or to even have someone try to control what you do. The funny thing is very few medical people have tried to put limits on us, it's everyone else. It is these ignorant people who have their own issues who don't want us to succeed without them by our side. Or they want to ride on our coat tails so they can tell others it was their idea, or they were the ones who helped us do what ever. These people have had a hard time succeeding with their normal lives and have a hard time watching a family who's been knocked down succeed despite such a huge adversity. People just do not understand how we do it. You know how we do it. We do it together with our love, our hope, our faith and our joy.
Guess what the last time I checked we are a family of four. Just because we've had lunch with you or even went to an event with you does not mean you are family. That doesn't mean we are BFF and it sure as heck does not grant you private unlimited access to our family and especially not to our girls. It does not entitle you to tell us what to dream or how to accomplish those dreams. It does not mean you get free range to interpret our dreams. It does not mean we want to be apart of your dream. It does not mean we want to be your poster children. You need to go get your own dreams and accomplish them your own way. We should not be the catalyst for your dreams. God does not make dreams dependent on another person's actions, he makes them dependent on your actions. We should not be your entire focus. If we are then you need to move on. We are healing a family and that doesn't happen over night. It is a very long process and we need a few commitments as possible to make this happen the way we need to. If you don't understand that, then you need to go your own way and best wishes to you!
Of course Chaz and I want to help people on this road. We've been doing that as much as we can. But our girls will always come first. If we can come to your event and help tell people about the great things you are doing, we'll be there. We've spoken for Our Military Kids, raised funds for Fisher House and we try to get as many non-profit onto Team Allen as possible. We want others to know about these amazing groups and what they are doing. But these groups have asked for our permission, not tried to control us and they have all been so respectful of our choices, so they are a good fit for us. We will not be apart of anything that binds us to them without the ability to have the freedom to help others. We will definitely not have anything to do with you if you don't respect our wishes. Our wishes are not subject to alteration. We spell it flat out for you. Do not read into it, read it in black and white, do it and leave it alone.
God has blessed me with this amazing gut to know what to do and when to do it. Around here we call it my mommy gut or sometimes my Jiminy Cricket. Remember in Pinocchio when Jiminy Cricket describes our conscious as that small, still voice that people seldom listen too?! Well when you are on this road that voice isn't small, it has a freaking megaphone. I have let this voice guide me on this journey and it has yet to be wrong!
I had to retreat into our little sanctuary for a little bit (hence why no blogs) because we have someone trying to use our words and pictures without our permissions. Here's a big news flash NO means freaking NO! Don't think that for one minute I will not seek legal counsel to deal with you. I was a pre-law major, do you know how many friends I have in the legal profession? In addition, I have the US Army JAG Corps, the 101st, a few Senators and Congresspersons and the freaking White House who will not allow for our wounded, much less our family to have difficulties like this on our road to recovery. Do not threaten me with what-ifs. You cannot win a psychological war with me. You see, God has prepared me for this fight! God may be putting us through a struggle, we may not have our families anywhere near to us, but we have an amazing new pseudo-family overloaded with awesome people that totally has our back!
I have always believed God closes doors because he wants you to look somewhere else. Sometimes that is another door or sometimes a window. God has taken many people in and out of our lives and I am thankful for each and every one of them. I am thankful for the good and the bad. I am thankful for it all. I know He puts me through it all so I can learn and so I can share what I have learned with others.
Don't ever tell me my dreams are too big or that they are unachievable. These are my dreams. They may not happen, but that doesn't mean that I will stop dreaming them. God has great things in store for us all. He has put my little family on a rocky but amazing road full of a few crazy people but with way more incredible people and opportunities. God has rewarded us for dealing with these crazies by blessing us with these amazing opportunities and people. God has already made some of my dreams come true. I got to keep my family together. My husband can drive a car and best of all he is walking again. I will keep on dreaming and no thing or no one will ever stop me! I seriously dare you to try to stop me or to try to control my life! It is not very wise to back me into a corner, I will come out aiming for your jugular. I had a General once tell me, "You are a momma bear I would not cross and good for you." I think that pretty much sums it up. If a General won't cross me, then why in the heck would you?