End of March Update!

We've had a great week hanging out with my sister and her family. I have come to realize I have become a pretty good DC tour guide. Chaz and I still had to attend some meetings and appointments, but we managed to sneak in a lot of fun!!

Sunday we went to brunch with the Yellow Ribbon Fund and then went to the Smithsonian of Air and Space. Monday Chaz and I had to hang at the hospital all day thanks to meetings, appointments and classes. So we had family chill out day that evening. Tuesday Chaz went to check on his new legs and I caught up on work. That evening we divided up. Our great friend Laura came to watch our girls and my sister's youngest boy. Chaz took my sister's hubby and oldest son to the Motion Picture Association's premier of Wrath of the Titans. My sister and I joined several other wounded warriors and caregivers at the Armed Forces Foundation Gala. We got to meet Ron White and Adam from Man vs Food. Our table was filled with lots of smiles and laughs all night.

Wednesday Representative Scott Desjarlais' staff met us and gave us a great tour of Congress. We then went and had lunch at the roof top cafeteria in the Madison building of the Library of Congress. We had to get back so I could take the cuties to their Medal day at gymnastics. After dinner, I took my sister and her hubby on the night time tour of DC. Chaz and the girls have already done it and my nephews just wanted to hang back and play. Chaz had been at the hospital all day so he was fine with just hanging out with the kids.

Thursday we had to say good-bye and get back to normal. Chaz and I had lunch with CSM Schroeder ad MSGT Barnes from the 101st. We came home and I went to caregiver's night out put on by the Yellow Ribbon Fund. I always love Caregiver's night out. I just love hanging with my fellow caregivers. I am blessed to know so many great women and I love sharing resources and stories with them.

The best part of this week was when Chaz got his new legs!!! I think they look like something straight out of Robocob. But I absolutely love seeing him stand up and walk around at any time. He seemed to be able to get up more easily with these and seemed to walk a little better too. Chaz's prosthetic adviser thinks that after the surgeries these legs will be the perfect fit for Chaz. So far he really likes them. Once we return from TN, Chaz will have the first of two surgeries to have his bones cut back. Let me explain for those new to this world....

When you limbs are amputated, sometimes your bones continue to grow. This is what is going on with Chaz's legs. The bones in both of Chaz's legs have grown to the point that they will have to be cut back. We want to do the surgeries soon before the pain gets any worse. He says the pain is there but totally manageable so we are going to TN for a few weeks and then he'll have the first surgery when we return. He has chosen to do one at a time rather than both legs at the same time. But he is still doing awesome and these surgeries put him closer to being on those legs more often.

So long story short we're doing great and getting ready for a trip home!! Next week will be crazy, but it will be a great crazy!!

My Thoughts on Bales

Sgt Bales should be a name you are all familiar with now. But just in case you aren't, he is the Army service member accused of killing 17 civilians in Afghanistan. You can google a ton of stories about him or you can simply flip on any news channel and you'll hear more about him. I thought I'd share my thoughts.

My heart shatters for this fellow Army family. There's no doubt in my mind his wife was absolutely clueless that this was going to happen. I read the graceful and eloquent statement she wrote the other day. As I read it, I could picture her sobbing again and again at the computer while writing it. I cannot imagine how long it took for her to write that statement. I am sure that by now her eyes are so red and puffy that no amount of makeup will hide it. I know that's how I would be. I cannot imagine wearing the shoes she is wearing right now. I can only imagine the thoughts that are racing through her mind. Then to think of their precious little children who are so young they have no idea what is going on. I think she is incredibly strong and courageous for writing that statement and her words were so perfect. To me, she is a great example of a true Army wife.

As for Sgt Bales, we can speculate all we want, but we have to remember you are innocent until proven guilty, not the opposite. I am not saying what he did was right. We all know it was atrocity. But once you go beyond the headlines, you can see the factors that might have pushed him to that breaking point. I will be totally honest and tell you I am shocked this hasn't happened before. I'll also tell you that parts of me fear that my husband or his battle buddies could have also been pushed to that point. Let me explain why.

We have been at war for over 10 years. We ask our troops to come home for a year, then deploy for a year. Just about the time they get settled we tell them to get ready to go again. Year on, year off is what we say all the time. But then you say, "But wait I read in the paper our troops were going to be home for longer stays." Well let me let you in on this one, Chaz and his guys deployed June 16, 2010. He was injured January 22, 2011. His guys came home in April 2011. They redeploy next month. That's right the men who served with Chaz, who saved his life, who came home April 2011 are getting back on a plane April 2012. So what was that you read in the paper the other day?!

Take a minute and think about that. You spend a year being shot at, not having proper supplies and food. The brothers and sisters who are with you everyday are being killed right in front of you. You have friends get injured right next to you and you pray that you got them out in time so you can see them when you get back home. Then you only have minutes to think and pray for these friends because you've been tasked out for another mission and you have to get your head in the game. You are in a place where the people really don't want you there and they are confused to why you are there. According to my hubby and his friends there are no such thing as civilians where they were. I have been told more than once and from multiple sources that women and children were armed too. Then you finally get to leave that place to go be with people you love only to find out you are different. Some people can accept you and some can't. What if the ones you were counting on the most to love and accept you don't? What if your wife moved on without you?! What if your children looked at you like you were a total stranger? What if you go home only to find out that everything you thought was fine isn't and you only have a year to fix it? But really you don't have a year because you have to go to this school or this training. Then to add to that you have deployed so much that now you just feel like a pawn in a chess match. You feel like you are not a person, you feel expendable. Then you find out that the government who keeps sending you to all these places plans to cut your benefits from as many angles as possible. This is happening to many of our millions of people serving in the military everyday.

I don't know Sgt Bales, nor his motivating factors, but after sitting silently and watching all this happen to people I truly love over a decade now, I know what some of those factors might have been. I have seen what war does to people first hand and it can be heart braking. We have to really look at the statistics here. We are asking less than one percent of our population to sacrifice again and again. We are asking too much of our troops and their families. I'll say it, we are abusing them. How can we not expect our troops to snap?!

I feel we all can agree Sgt Bales should not have done what he did, if he did in fact do it. But maybe his actions will finally bring to light the sacrifices that are going on in military homes everywhere. Perhaps his actions will encourage a very necessary dialog to really begin. One thing is for sure and I say this with total conviction the America people must support our troops. So let's show them our support and ask our government to take care of them and their families. Let's help our families get the help they need so we can prevent any further atrocities from happening.

Ignorance Is Bliss....

One thing I have learned on this journey is sometimes ignorance is bliss. When Chaz was facing his longest and hardest surgery, I had to ask the surgeons to continue the conversation out in the hall with me. I saw that Chaz was panicking listening to all the details. I would panic too if you stood there and told me you were putting me under and cutting this and that and putting it here and it was going to take 10 hours. So we went into the hall way and talked more. When I went back in, Chaz was a lot more relaxed. I wasn't though, I had just learned everything. I had to leave his room again so I could take a minute and digest all the details of what all they were doing to Chaz the next day. When I returned, he asked me to just tell him what he needed to know and I did. The surgery took over 10 hours and all turned out very well. But we learned from that event sometimes ignorance is bliss.

As I've gone down this road, I have learned so much. The one thing I have learned is my gut has been right nine out of ten times. But when I get proof my gut is right I wish I could just go back to where I didn't know things. I know we've all had those moments. It's those moment when you just want to put your fingers in your ears and say "La-la-la" so you don't hear it. Well we've had several of those since January 22.

We all know I love my happy bubble and I like to stay in there. I don't like seeing the bad in people. I like to think everyone wants to help our soldiers. I don't like finding out anyone has ulterior motives. We have people at the hospital who claim to be there to help out families, but truth be told they are only looking for a promotion. We have non-profits that want to help but really they are being blocked by the non-profits who are not being so honest. To me this is heart breaking. It is so tragic to only have a few people who can ruin things for so many great people. I guess it really only takes one apple to spoil the bunch.

I have to say we have some amazing people at the hospital who are overprotective of our warriors and our families. But no matter how hard they work, some of our warriors will fall through the cracks. When we come across these cases it is heartbreaking. I wish I could do more for these awesome helpers besides just thank them and pat them on the back. These individuals work so hard because they want to help our families heal and succeed. I am just so happy to know the names and faces of some of the amazing Americans that want to see our heroes succeed.

Of course I would love to go back to January 21, 2011, and tell Chaz to not step on that IED. I would love to have my life as I knew it back. I would love to go back to being ignorant about so many things that now I know so much about. But I think God wants to me learn a lot more. I think God wants me out of my happy bubble for at least a few moments. I think he wants me to learn so much so I can strengthen my internal fighter. I really hope I am right with this gut feeling too!

Missing Moments....

Last Sunday was just one of those days. One of those days where you miss what you had. But it was also one of those days where I was reminded of how blessed we truly are.

Chaz was walking around in his legs and then walked up to give me a hug. I couldn't help myself, I cried. I miss standing hugs. I miss just being to have my hubby standing at any time and me snuggle into him. I miss him sneaking up on me to scare me. I miss walking and holding hands. I think you have to take time to acknowledge you miss those things. I think speaking those things helps you take ownership of them and helps you deal with them.

But at this same moment, our sweet oldest child said, "Mom, why are you crying?!" I told her that sometimes things make you so happy that cry sometimes. Then I told her that I miss things and told her standing up and holding Daddy was one of them. So then Deryn and Ryann both began listing what they missed. We had to take a minute and we talked about both the good and the bad. The verdict is still out on if we really miss Chaz scaring us all the time. ;)

But then once again our wise 9 year old said, but I do like that Daddy gives us rides everywhere now. Then she made me laugh so hard when she said, "We get some really great parking spots now." Ryann really misses piggy back rides. But we had to remind her that even if Daddy still had his legs, piggy back rides would more than likely not be happening because she has grown so much.

I guess we're doing something right because our cuties led me back to my happy bubble. Chaz and I even told them how proud we are that they led the happy way home. I guess it's just further proof that maybe we are doing something right around here.

The Hearts of Others....

When your soldier is injured you have every right to choose how to share your journey, if you choose to share it at all. Let me tell you there is absolutely no right way to share your journey. I have just followed my gut during the whole journey. I have confessed that I don't have all the answers, I just let God lead me.

In the first few weeks following January 22, 2011, I refused all media. I did not want to talk to anyone, which I bet you can totally understand. But when Demetria came up with the Team Allen idea it was the right idea at the right time. Her idea allowed me to share what was going on with us when and how we wanted to. As time passed we were able to share what we were learning in addition to our journey to healing. I love learning so I love that we have been able to share our lessons with others who are on this road or are following behind us.

We realize we are a lot more public than most and we chose this path. We hope that by sharing our journey with others, we will help just one person. If we help just one person on this road then it's all been worth it. Because that one person will help one other person and it will keep going. We'll never know how many people we have helped on this journey, but I know we have helped a few and that means so much to us. We are blessed by our families, friends and communities that love us so much and want us to succeed. We are so thankful that the people who support us so much want to share our journey with others in their lives.

But choosing to be public also comes with some responsibility. You have to know that the many people truly care about your family. They want to see you live happily ever after. It's just not fair to allude to devastating things and then leave people to think the worst. When I see this go on, I automatically think to what are your true intentions?! Is this really about your soldier or is this really about you?! It all goes back to my favorite quote from Margaret Thatcher about watching your thoughts because ultimately it shows your true character. When people post these drama-laced statements it shows me exactly who they are and what their intentions are. To me it's better to say nothing at all then to make a statement and then fall off the grid.

I heard someone once say that fame is like a drug. We all have people in our lives who love the attention. We all know it's always nice to get attention. We all want to feel like we're important. But using someone's illness or injury to make yourself feel better is just not cool at all. Unfortunately we've seen this a few times.

People crack me up. I don't like drama at all, so I don't know why you want to encourage it. I always love it when people say stuff like, "I'm not trying to cause trouble, but..." Yeah whatever follows that but is going to be trouble and we all know it. You told us that in the beginning of your sentence. So if you really don't want to cause trouble, then just keep quiet. That's really the only way to not cause trouble. I don't know your circumstance, but if you keep the drama to a minimum you'll find out your life will get better. Remember when in doubt, leave it out. Or as Thumper said, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all."

I never understood why there were so many medical drama shows until all this happened to Chaz and now I know why. Hospitals are full of drama. What I also learned is people love their drama. I guess since they are now canceling soap operas people are bored and they have to create their own soap opera. Well this girl says no thank you! I'll stay in my happy bubble. Drama pisses me off, just ask our daughters. I tell them all the time I don't deal with drama queens so let me know when you are over it.

I cut my ties with drama queens quick. When every time I am around you it's drama, drama, drama, I will just move along. When I see your Facebook posts are drama, drama, drama, I hide you so I don't see you or in some cases I delete you. Life is so great and full of fabulous if you take the time to appreciate it. I am all about helping but I have had to cut ties with families who want to fan the fire rather than put it out.

Healing a wounded warrior brings its own load of drama, you totally do not need to add to it. If you choose to be public with your journey please don't add to the drama. And if you choose to be public please do not toy with the emotions of the people who are desperately praying for your success. This road is so very hard, why would you do anything to make it harder?! Why would you want to put people in a tizzy?! I guess I'll just never understand.....

Great Days in a Crazy Week.....

Our crazy week started off with Chaz having food poisoning. So Monday was all about healing Chaz then I spent the rest of the week trying to get caught back up. Somehow even with all this crazy, we managed to get all of our home school work and my work done. It might have been crazy (with all caps) but we had a great and fun week!!

Tuesday I spent the entire day in meetings then got to rush home to accomplish Operation Surprise Heather. Heather's fiancee was injured one month before Chaz. Chris was also with the 101st. He is also an above the knee amputee. Chris and Heather are getting married in one week. I could not have her getting married and not have a bridal shower. So I tricked her into thinking we were planning a caregiver dinner before she went out of town. She helped me plan the whole thing. Her soon-to-be hubby was involved too. I love this first picture I snapped of her. She is calling me evil. This was the exact moment that she realized what I had done. The man in the pic is our concierge here at the apartments. He was in on it too! Aleethia Foundation donated our dinner and Operation Ward 57 donated 2 dozen red velvet cupcakes (Heather's favorite). Thanks to everyone's help, we got to give Heather the bridal shower she deserved. We may not be her family, childhood friends or even her best friends, who were the ones who threw my showers. But we were all drafted into this craziness together and together we make this the best experience we can!

Wednesday we got our home school finished in time to go to gymnastics. From gymnastics we went to pick Chaz up from his class and then we were off to the circus!! We knew we couldn't make it back to the hospital to catch the bus with everyone else so we got our tickets in advance and drove there. I didn't realize it until we got there but we were in one of the suites at the Verizon Center. Just so you know (and can thank them) Sun Trust donated their suite to the hospital so the wounded warrior families could enjoy the circus!!! Here are some of my favorite pics from Wednesday! 

Thursday was spent with the girls and I sleeping in and recovering from our late night and me catching up on emails and such. We got our home school done and then had some cooking fun! We made blueberry muffins and then shared them with our neighbors and friends. Then it was March Madness time for Mommy!! I don't do professional sports, but I do love NCAA basketball, so yes I am having a lot of fun right now. As of yesterday, I was 13/16 on my brackets but I have not updated yet! 

Friday is test day so we got up and got our tests done while Chaz was at the hospital doing his PT. Then Chaz returned and we were off to the hospital. I went to the main building and he took the girls swimming. I met my friend Laura in the lobby and we went to find the Smith family. My Uncle Tommy from Chattanooga had shared their story with me and I knew I needed to welcome our fellow Tennesseans to the WW Club. I love meeting with all of the families, but you know I am partial to 101st, TN, KY and OK families. In regards to the Smith family, what a great family!! I know that will not be my last time visiting with them. Andrew is like Chaz, he is blessed by all these great people who love him so much. They will do very well and I hope that we can help them along this journey.

After our visit with the Smiths, Laura and I went to Executive Services to get some cupcakes!! I contacted Operation Ward 57 a few weeks ago and asked if we could bring some smiles to the inpatients for St Patrick's Day. They were all for it so they got us some Georgetown Cupcakes!! We loaded this tall cart and wheeled a bunch of cupcakes down the halls of the hospital. Here's a peek inside one of those pink boxes!

We met so many great families yesterday. Some of which truly touched my heart and almost made me cry. You could see how thankful they were and that always warms my heart. Several families also have facebook pages and it was really fun to connect faces to pages! We all giggled about it. Who would have ever thought facebook could bless so many lives?! I am so glad we set the cupcakes up. I really needed to refill my own heart yesterday! It had been a very hard week and I needed a recharge of happy! Mine was a little low. So many thanks to Operation Ward 57 for helping me overflow my heart again! I just love spreading those smiles around. 

We finished at the hospital with just enough time for me to get back and get change for dinner. Chaz and the girls were already back and ready, but I was running behind (no surprise here at all, remember I am a Kappa Delta, we tend to have that problem sometimes). So I rushed to get ready and our friends Hannah and David joined us to go to the New Zealand Embassy for dinner. This was another incredible dinner put together by Aleethia Foundation. When we arrived one of the people from the Embassy asked our girls if they wanted to join the children of the Embassy staff. We didn't see our girls again until dinner was over. Our girls had a blast and Chaz and I had a great dinner with grown-ups. Unplanned date night, woot-woot!! 

Our girls were super excited that they got to meet the New Zealand Ambassador. They were beyond excited when he shook their hands like he did Chaz's and gave them the same coin. You know you're an Army brat when you are excited about collecting coins! 

Right now Chaz and the girls are still asleep and I am blogging, then I am getting to work! We are joining the Yellow Ribbon Fund and many other Wounded Warrior families to go see the Lorax later today. And yes I already have my green on!! I hope you all had a great weekend and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

An Interesting Monday.....

Poor Chaz went to the ER in the middle of the night last night with what they think was food poisoning. After an IV with 2 full bags of fluids and some additional meds, he has stopped vomiting and is now resting very comfortably in our bed. However, this event has reminded me of a few things.

This is another moment that reminds us how thankful we are for Help Our Military Heroes giving Chaz the van. Chaz was able to drive himself there and back without any difficulties. Chaz made the decision to go ahead and go to the ER very early on in his sickness because he knew it was going to get worse. He is as stubborn as I am. I drove myself to the ER once as my face was swelling up from an allergic reaction. Chaz and I don't do ambulances unless it is absolutely necessary. We also don't want to bother anyone. So we will suck it up and just deal with it. He insisted that we let the girls sleep and he go by himself. I was going to wake up a friend to watch the girls, but just like I would, he insisted that the girls and I stay put and he go alone.

Thank goodness he went ahead because he said he got a lot worse once he got to the hospital. Chaz and I knew if he waited too long I would not be able to lift him alone and we'd have to call for help and wake the girls. He was at the hospital during the worst of it and they were able to treat him accordingly. He did get dehydrated, which they said can happen more quickly now. So I am thinking great, now I can add that to the list of worries too now. Yeah, me!! Thank goodness it was a minor case and he was proactive. And thank goodness it's all over!

This is one of those moments that I highly dislike. I'll say it again the best decisions are usually the hardest to make! I wanted to be with him and the girls at the same time, but that just wasn't the best for the girls.They did not need to be at the hospital watching Daddy get sick and hooked up to an IV and me stressed out. I know we made the right decision, but I wanted to be with him and help him, but I also needed to be here for the girls. We didn't want them to wake up and panic that we were gone and they woke up to our friend. We are very conscious about their fears and emotions. We still have some abandonment issues to work through which is very common with military children. We have created a nice safe place for our girls, but we have to keep it safe and keep the trauma and drama to a minimum. So in emergency situations we have to stop and assess them as adequately as possible.

This has definitely been an interesting Monday! But it seems the worst is over and my loves are all together so I can take care of them. Oh the joys of the life of a wounded warrior wife!