I woke up this morning and looked at my hubby thankful for another day. But this morning was a hard one because once again I woke up looking for his feet. You see for 12 years that's what we did. I like my space, do not get on my side of the bed. I am a "This is my space, this is your space" kind of person. Chaz has always enjoyed messing with me when it comes to this. I am not a touchy-feeling person. I wasn't a hugger until all of this went down. But the one thing I enjoyed doing was rubbing my feet on Chaz's. Weird, I know, but everyone has their thing and this was ours. It was our way of connecting without him truly crossing over into my space.
When I got the report on January 22, I knew these days were over. When they told me he could lose his arm, God and I had a little talk. I told him now look they took his feet, let us keep the damn arms. Obviously I was heard. Sure his right arm is fused in an almost 90 degree angle, but it's at a great angle for snuggling with me and the girls. I am so thankful God heard my pleas for Chaz's arm.
But as I am thankful for what I have then comes the guilt comes right behind it, what about the guys who lost the legs and arms? What about those wives, kids, and others who will only know artificial hands and legs for the rest of their lives? I guess they deal with it like I have. I guess they too are just so thankful that their soldier is still here with them that real or fake doesn't matter anymore. Their soldier is still with them and that's all that matters.
My grieving process for Chaz's physical appearance all ended when I saw him smile at me for the first time on January 26th. I could see in his eyes everything was fine. I can still remember looking at his whole body for the first time. I can remember being there when they pulled the wound vacs off. I remember all the fancy words the doctors used to explain things. I also remember telling him, "I could give two craps (of course, I used the other word) about those legs. You are still here with us and those Lt Dan legs will work just fine. Legs, nor your physical appearance does not define who you are." I remember the peace that came over him. As if, I'd leave him because he lost his legs, they are just legs. But he needed that reassurance, he needed to know I was not going anywhere. (This is of course, excepting the times I had to travel back to TN to take care of the girls.)
I also remember someone saying to me that I was delusional and that I was avoided dealing with the problem. I also remember saying, "Nope I am very well aware his legs are gone and thanks for reminding me. I am tracking that my life has been turned upside down. But here's what you're not tracking. I have two little girls and a husband who are watching my every move. I have to deal with this head on and not let it defeat me. I am not confused, I am blessed. I am sorry you can't see it that way. I am sorry you don't have enough faith to get through this, but I do. I cannot tell you how to heal, I can only tell you dealing with this head on is working for me. You'll have to figure out your path on your own. I will not judge you for yours, so do not judge me for mine." The lesson from this is, never ever doubt an Army wife who the Army has already put through hell.
Everyday the biggest problem I have is knowing there are other families dealing with this exact same thing. Some soldiers are less severe than Chaz and some are way worse off. But my heart breaks knowing that there's another person out there on this insane roller coaster. I wish I could take all this away from them all, but I know God has to put us all through our own battles. I can only pray the other families are half as blessed as Chaz and I are. If every other family only has half of what we have they will make it though this storm just fine. I also pray that if they don't have faith that someone blesses them with more enough to get through. Chaz and I are lucky because our cups are overflowing with support, faith and love that will never end.
So today say a prayer for those families who are on this roller coaster. Pray their cups will overflow. Pray that they will get past the grieving and more on to healing. Pray that this will all end and we won't add any more carts to our really long roller coaster.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Soul Surfer
Last night was family movie night for Team Allen. We let our oldest daughter, Deryn, select a movie. She chose Soul Surfer. It is based on the life of Bethany Hamilton, a young girl who had her arm amputated by a shark attack. Let me tell you I would definitely recommend this movie. This movie resonated with our family in so many ways.
First this scripture was mentioned in the movie:
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I love this verse. I found strength in this verse a long time ago and then again when Chaz was injured. I have always believed in the Lord's plan. This verse simply reenforces that. I was raised in a Baptist home. I come from a long line of faithful people. This long linage is another thing I am so grateful for. If is wasn't for the road of grace and faith that my family laid before me, I don't think I would have survived everything God has put me through. I know he has a plan. I know my family before me listened to that plan. I know everything God put me through before and will put me through will only make the road better for our children and their children in the future. I know God has great things in store for us. He has already shown of some of those and I believe he will continue to reward us for our faithfulness.
Second, this movie really hit home with our oldest. She just wanted to watch the movie because a teenager was on the cover. She said it looked cool. Oh and she loves sharks. So she was little upset when Bethany was bit by the shark. She quickly said, "Wait Sharks don't normally bite during the day. They attack at night." De was glued to the movie. You could tell she really enjoyed it. I had to promise to buy it for her for her birthday coming up. After we watched the movie, we took a walk to the store and to return the movies to redbox. On the walk, she was talking to me about the movie. She said it was just so cool that Bethany found a way to get back to surfing. Then she said, "I guess she's like Daddy huh?!" I said, "How do you figure that?" She then explained to me how Bethany and her Daddy parallel to each other. She talked about how brave and strong they both were. I had a very proud Mommy moment last night. When we got back I tried to get her to talk to Chaz about it, but she seemed a little embarrassed and it took a while to get it out of her. I don't think she's ready for that and we didn't want to push her. Deryn is very proud of her Daddy and you can see that in her behavior when she's around him. All I got her to tell Chaz was that she saw how similar he was to Bethany.
Third, thank goodness for a positive role model for young girls. I don't know about you, but I am tired of the Disney and Nick machines attempting to mass produce role models for our kids. I have always said our girls need real role models not mass produced ones. I am a very over protective mommy and I have had many talks about fantasy and real. I am so happy to have a real role model for our girls. This movie came out at such a perfect time for our girls. This movie showed them the before, during and after of a traumatic injury. We are in the during phase and our girls need to see how this all ends. They got to see the happily ever after of a real person. How wonderful?!
Fourth, this movie really demonstrated the power of a strong family unit. Our family parallels in so many ways to the Hamilton family. One of us has suffered a big blow, but we all banded together to get through it. We've been knocked down and gotten back up too. We have more than faith to get through all of this. Deryn is able to see that. As the oldest sister she'll be able to set the pace for Ryann and help us remain a strong family. It is really hard to make this lessons get through to Ry because she is so little, but we are getting in there. With Deryn's help, we'll more than succeed.
My only wish is that Bethany was closer so Deryn could meet her. Deryn has already been inspired by the "green amputee" here at WRAMC. We have a woman here who loves green and lost one of her legs. I love that the girls can see that men and women can survive such adversity and move forward. Deryn said last night that Bethany needs to come to Walter Reed and check out their prosthetics. She said the one in the movie is no where as good as what they get for her Daddy and his friends.
One thing is for sure, Chaz and I have some amazing girls. There is no telling what they will become when they grow up. They are being blessed by meeting some exceptional people and some awesome experiences. I can only hope Chaz and I are serving them as well. I can only hope the girls will look back at all of this and be impressed with how we've handled it all.
Monday, August 8, 2011
We Are Not Victims
As we get out and explore the world around us. We often notice people looking at us with pity and sometimes even disgust when we are walking around the town. We also have noticed that we are in an uncaring world. People here in DC/MD do not have a lot of courtesy. Which is such a crazy concept when you are from the South and everyone greets you and smiles and even will hold doors for you. Let me tell you it is so much fun trying to hold a crazy heavy door and wheel Chaz in at the same time. This happens a lot because the doors are not wide enough to allow him the elbow room to wheel himself in. A big part of this war of a wounded warrior's wife is convincing people to give a damn. But why should they?! Why should they care about any of these guys?!
That is probably the one thing that drives me crazy. You constantly have to convince people to give a damn about these soldiers. As long as you stay in a military community you are good, leave that comfort zone and you have to sink or swim.
People have their convictions and will stick by it. They oppose the war, so they don't care about the wounded or dead. Or the war doesn't directly effect them, so once again they don't care. But let me tell you once that war hits home, when someone they know or love is hurt all the sudden they are involved. But why do they wait so long to give a crap. I know why, because we are selfish individuals and we focus on what's in front of us and we get caught up in our little world and we don't have time to care about anything else. I have to admit I have been guilty of that myself from time to time. Even right now I am guilty of that. I am so busy right now taking care of my family, I couldn't tell you what is going on in the outside world unless you told me. Right now my world is all about raising children and caring for an amputee. I can't be involved in our PTO or Girl Scouts or Humane Society or anything else right now because I have been called away from those activities to care for my wounded soldier. When I can I do reach out and help other families. Would I change my life, heck no! The only thing I would do is end these darn deployments. I don't want to meet anymore new wounded warriors, there are enough of us already!
Our first months with Chaz being an outpatient. I was at constant war trying to convince the WTB to give a damn. It was a daily battle and it was so frustrating. But now, a few squad leaders later and thanks to a few meetings and threatening words, we are finally getting taken care of. Things are finally falling into place. We have fought and fought this battle and finally we are winning. We won the internal war just so we could begin an external battle. I am thankful that the Army has this transition set up. I am thankful for the soldiers who have gone before us. I am thankful for all their trial and errors that have made this transition easier for those of us going through it now. I truly hope that our battles also can make it easier for someone else in the future. To the WTB, Chaz is just another wounded warrior, but when you go out and about, Chaz is the exact opposite. Many people have never seen an amputee. The life we are living is such a crazy dichotomy.
Our favorite expression from others is the pity smile. You all know what I am talking about, we've given a few, I know I have. My personal favorite is when we walk around with our friends and they get overprotective of Chaz. I have had to calm many of my friends down and convince them not to say anything. My one friend asked me how to you walk around with him and not hit people. I always say you can't fix stupid, you can only pray for it. Another thing I always say is we are victors, not victims. (Thanks Joel Osteen). We are God's children. He may have put us in this war, but we are in it so we can come out victorious and serve as a witness of God's greatness to others. It is really hard for others to see this. They are too busy focusing on the what they see now, they can't see what is coming. I know there are great things in store for us. I just have no idea what those great things are, but we are excited to see what they may be!
People just don't get it. Yes my husband no longer has legs, thanks I'm tracking that. His right arm is fused at an almost 90 degree angle, thanks again, I'm also tracking that. Yes we have a long road ahead, wow Captain Obvious, I never knew that one, gees what are we going to do?! People absolutely amaze me. Yesterday a man got mad at me because he had to go around us because I was holding the door and Deryn was pushing Chaz out. I looked at him and asked if he had a problem. He looked at Chaz and walked away. One thing I dare anyone to do, is pick a fight with a wounded warrior's wife. We have enough anger in our bodies that the results will not be pretty, let me assure you!
I am not asking anyone to stand up and do anything extreme for these guys, but if you can go for it! You know what I want you to do. If you see us or a family similar to us, hold the door and smile. You don't even have to say anything. But I do ask that you pray for all of us and more importantly tell your friends and family about us. Tell your friends and family to pray for us. Don't let these guys become an unimportant cause. I know there are so many important causes out there, but these soldiers need to rank up in your top ten.
Please remember our soldiers followed orders issued by your government, which is ran by the officials you elected. You want to be mad, focus on the elected, they issued the orders. (FYI Obama is not the only person to blame. The President can't do anything without Congress. True fact, look it up.) Want to get upset about something? Get upset that these guys are just following orders and their lives are radically different because of it. Our soldiers believe they are called to serve our country and because they are following that calling they deserve our respect. So when you see a solider thank them. Thank them for running into the fire, rather than running away. Our thanks is the very least they deserve.
That is probably the one thing that drives me crazy. You constantly have to convince people to give a damn about these soldiers. As long as you stay in a military community you are good, leave that comfort zone and you have to sink or swim.
People have their convictions and will stick by it. They oppose the war, so they don't care about the wounded or dead. Or the war doesn't directly effect them, so once again they don't care. But let me tell you once that war hits home, when someone they know or love is hurt all the sudden they are involved. But why do they wait so long to give a crap. I know why, because we are selfish individuals and we focus on what's in front of us and we get caught up in our little world and we don't have time to care about anything else. I have to admit I have been guilty of that myself from time to time. Even right now I am guilty of that. I am so busy right now taking care of my family, I couldn't tell you what is going on in the outside world unless you told me. Right now my world is all about raising children and caring for an amputee. I can't be involved in our PTO or Girl Scouts or Humane Society or anything else right now because I have been called away from those activities to care for my wounded soldier. When I can I do reach out and help other families. Would I change my life, heck no! The only thing I would do is end these darn deployments. I don't want to meet anymore new wounded warriors, there are enough of us already!
Our first months with Chaz being an outpatient. I was at constant war trying to convince the WTB to give a damn. It was a daily battle and it was so frustrating. But now, a few squad leaders later and thanks to a few meetings and threatening words, we are finally getting taken care of. Things are finally falling into place. We have fought and fought this battle and finally we are winning. We won the internal war just so we could begin an external battle. I am thankful that the Army has this transition set up. I am thankful for the soldiers who have gone before us. I am thankful for all their trial and errors that have made this transition easier for those of us going through it now. I truly hope that our battles also can make it easier for someone else in the future. To the WTB, Chaz is just another wounded warrior, but when you go out and about, Chaz is the exact opposite. Many people have never seen an amputee. The life we are living is such a crazy dichotomy.
Our favorite expression from others is the pity smile. You all know what I am talking about, we've given a few, I know I have. My personal favorite is when we walk around with our friends and they get overprotective of Chaz. I have had to calm many of my friends down and convince them not to say anything. My one friend asked me how to you walk around with him and not hit people. I always say you can't fix stupid, you can only pray for it. Another thing I always say is we are victors, not victims. (Thanks Joel Osteen). We are God's children. He may have put us in this war, but we are in it so we can come out victorious and serve as a witness of God's greatness to others. It is really hard for others to see this. They are too busy focusing on the what they see now, they can't see what is coming. I know there are great things in store for us. I just have no idea what those great things are, but we are excited to see what they may be!
People just don't get it. Yes my husband no longer has legs, thanks I'm tracking that. His right arm is fused at an almost 90 degree angle, thanks again, I'm also tracking that. Yes we have a long road ahead, wow Captain Obvious, I never knew that one, gees what are we going to do?! People absolutely amaze me. Yesterday a man got mad at me because he had to go around us because I was holding the door and Deryn was pushing Chaz out. I looked at him and asked if he had a problem. He looked at Chaz and walked away. One thing I dare anyone to do, is pick a fight with a wounded warrior's wife. We have enough anger in our bodies that the results will not be pretty, let me assure you!
I am not asking anyone to stand up and do anything extreme for these guys, but if you can go for it! You know what I want you to do. If you see us or a family similar to us, hold the door and smile. You don't even have to say anything. But I do ask that you pray for all of us and more importantly tell your friends and family about us. Tell your friends and family to pray for us. Don't let these guys become an unimportant cause. I know there are so many important causes out there, but these soldiers need to rank up in your top ten.
Please remember our soldiers followed orders issued by your government, which is ran by the officials you elected. You want to be mad, focus on the elected, they issued the orders. (FYI Obama is not the only person to blame. The President can't do anything without Congress. True fact, look it up.) Want to get upset about something? Get upset that these guys are just following orders and their lives are radically different because of it. Our soldiers believe they are called to serve our country and because they are following that calling they deserve our respect. So when you see a solider thank them. Thank them for running into the fire, rather than running away. Our thanks is the very least they deserve.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Happy 32nd Birthday to Chaz!!!!
As I am typing this, I am baking his cupcakes. He wanted white cake, the girls said no he needs confetti cake. So confetti cake it is! One thing is standard, he is getting my butter cream icing that is made from scratch. Deryn is frosting hers green and Ryann insists on frosting her blue. So we'll have blue and green cupcakes, with sprinkles of course. For Chaz's birthday he requested to stay home and chill out. We can all handle that, but I had to thrown in some surprises.
First he's getting one of his favorite meals, tater tot casserole. Second we have some friends bringing some surprises. Some of which I don't totally know about. This should be another great day for the Allen family, or Team Allen as how we are now being introduced around the hospital. One surprise I know of, his amazing online gaming community built him this amazing computer and Elloquin will be here at 10 to start putting it all together. For those who saw the packages, several of those had the computer components in them. I'll take another pic once it's all together. I am running to Target after I bake the cupcakes to buy a desk to put it on. I am so excited for Chaz and I know his gaming buddies are so excited to get him online so they can play together. So much happiness and joy will come from this gift. What these folks have done is just amazing. I am so happy that they wanted to do this for Chaz. I thought he was going to kill me when he found out. He told me I should have never allowed them to do it. I told him I don't think I had a choice. These people are like me, when they want to do and give they are going to and that's the end of it. I cannot wait to meet more of them. One of them was at the airport when we landed in TN. (I apologize now that I can't recall your name. I am really bad with names and I am a horrible speller on top of that.) It was so cool to have him there. Then I have been able to talk to some of them online and even had a phone call or two and today I get to meet another one. It's just so awesome to be blessed by so many wonderful people.
When Chaz started reading the boxes yesterday, he said, "Oh my what have you done?" I said, "Well tomorrow is your birthday?!" Chaz has told more than once that he can never trust me again. I keep saying "good." He said, "You are never going to stop with these surprises?" I said, "While I am alive and kicking, I'm not." I don't think he understands how much joy it brings me to do these awesome things for him. For some reason he seems to think it's all about him. ;)
I can't believe one year ago Chaz was in Afghanistan fighting the fight and we didn't even get to tell him Happy Birthday. Now a year has already passed and we are together for his birthday. And we are blessed by these amazing support groups. Chaz just shook his head and smiled last night when I told him Team Allen hit 3,200. He said it's all just crazy. He doesn't understand why everyone cares so much. He doesn't see how kick ass he is. He just thinks he's doing what he has to do. He just doesn't see how phenomenal that is, which to me makes him even more phenomenal. Most people would just be defeated and give up. Not my hubby, he's up walking on new legs and preparing to bike in the Army Ten Miler. One thing is for sure, I have the best husband, I am so proud of him and so proud he picked me over 12 years ago. Thanks to facebook I now know over 3200 other people think he's as amazing the girls and I do.
I just want to say thank you to all of you for your support. Being a wounded warriors' wife is really hard. We never know when the next battle is coming from and we never know which front is will be on. But having the support in place to pick us up when we are down is what makes it all tolerable. Thank you so much for your prayers, cards, emails, posts on facebook, for everything. We are so thankful for each and every one of you. Thank you for making Chaz's 32nd birthday so incredible. I hope you all have as great of a day as we will!
First he's getting one of his favorite meals, tater tot casserole. Second we have some friends bringing some surprises. Some of which I don't totally know about. This should be another great day for the Allen family, or Team Allen as how we are now being introduced around the hospital. One surprise I know of, his amazing online gaming community built him this amazing computer and Elloquin will be here at 10 to start putting it all together. For those who saw the packages, several of those had the computer components in them. I'll take another pic once it's all together. I am running to Target after I bake the cupcakes to buy a desk to put it on. I am so excited for Chaz and I know his gaming buddies are so excited to get him online so they can play together. So much happiness and joy will come from this gift. What these folks have done is just amazing. I am so happy that they wanted to do this for Chaz. I thought he was going to kill me when he found out. He told me I should have never allowed them to do it. I told him I don't think I had a choice. These people are like me, when they want to do and give they are going to and that's the end of it. I cannot wait to meet more of them. One of them was at the airport when we landed in TN. (I apologize now that I can't recall your name. I am really bad with names and I am a horrible speller on top of that.) It was so cool to have him there. Then I have been able to talk to some of them online and even had a phone call or two and today I get to meet another one. It's just so awesome to be blessed by so many wonderful people.
When Chaz started reading the boxes yesterday, he said, "Oh my what have you done?" I said, "Well tomorrow is your birthday?!" Chaz has told more than once that he can never trust me again. I keep saying "good." He said, "You are never going to stop with these surprises?" I said, "While I am alive and kicking, I'm not." I don't think he understands how much joy it brings me to do these awesome things for him. For some reason he seems to think it's all about him. ;)
I can't believe one year ago Chaz was in Afghanistan fighting the fight and we didn't even get to tell him Happy Birthday. Now a year has already passed and we are together for his birthday. And we are blessed by these amazing support groups. Chaz just shook his head and smiled last night when I told him Team Allen hit 3,200. He said it's all just crazy. He doesn't understand why everyone cares so much. He doesn't see how kick ass he is. He just thinks he's doing what he has to do. He just doesn't see how phenomenal that is, which to me makes him even more phenomenal. Most people would just be defeated and give up. Not my hubby, he's up walking on new legs and preparing to bike in the Army Ten Miler. One thing is for sure, I have the best husband, I am so proud of him and so proud he picked me over 12 years ago. Thanks to facebook I now know over 3200 other people think he's as amazing the girls and I do.
I just want to say thank you to all of you for your support. Being a wounded warriors' wife is really hard. We never know when the next battle is coming from and we never know which front is will be on. But having the support in place to pick us up when we are down is what makes it all tolerable. Thank you so much for your prayers, cards, emails, posts on facebook, for everything. We are so thankful for each and every one of you. Thank you for making Chaz's 32nd birthday so incredible. I hope you all have as great of a day as we will!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
White House Tour- August 4
Today we had the privilege of touring the White House. Once again WRAMC's Executive Services put together another great event! We boarded the buses and we were at the White House at 11. We were briefed before we left that we could not take cameras in, which made me a very sad mommy. On the way to the buses this morning, Ryann asked if we were having school today? To which I quickly replied, "Yes at the White House." Deryn then told us she thought this homeschooling stuff is pretty cool.
When we exited the buses we were all greeted by tons of staffers and security. All of the sudden I hear, "Jessica" and I turned to see President Obama's Assistant, Darienne. She came up and told me she was so excited to see our family on the list. She then told me that the President had talked about me quite a bit the day I met him. I was shocked. I thought well that's pretty darn cool. She remembered me. Maybe that's her job, but I was excited that she remembered me. She then met Chaz and the girls and we chatted for a few minutes. Then we were introduced to our very own intern for our visit. Ours was named Allison and she was from Yale and was super sweet. She was so excited. She was getting to go and see things that she has never seen before. All of the interns were so excited to be on the tour with us. They kept saying "oh my gosh," "look at this," "look at that," "this is cool."
We had to go through all the security checkpoints. Then we got to begin our tour of the East wing. We got to all over the "social side" of the White House. We got to go into the China room, or the "dish room" seen in the American President. We got to go into the Library, the sitting room and the room where Obama exits to go to his motorcade. There was so much history, is was amazing. We saw so many paintings and personal belongings, I was a very happy History/Poli Sci major today. We got to go upstairs and see where his party was going to be held. All of the sudden here comes a cute dog. Instantly I realize that's the first dog. "Eeekkk" was the first thing I wanted to say. Instead this really cool guys who was escorting the dog says, "Quick take a picture." I told him they said we weren't allowed. He said, "Whatever, I'll be right back. Your girls need a picture with this dog." The lady who originally said no pics walks up and says, "Wait for the room to clear out and you can take a pic with your girls and the dog." Ryann was so excited, she said, "Mom, we have to send that picture to Mrs. Gray (her kindergarten teacher) she read us a book about him." The lady and gentleman who let me take the picture were so excited that Ryann was excited. I am so glad that there are some really awesome people out there who want to help make memories special. I assured her I hadn't and wouldn't take any more pics. She said for such cuties, we can turn our heads and winked at me. Then we went into another room for a group photo.
We are getting all set up and are listening to one of the guards tell us about the room when poof, in walks President Obama. I was so excited. I got to meet him back in June while Chaz was in surgery and I wanted the rest of my family to meet him too. We took our group shots and then Obama said that he wanted to meet everyone for the first time or again. Then we started singing Happy Birthday to him. You could tell he enjoyed that. He then went along and shook everyone's hand and stopped, looked at me and said, "Oh good, you brought the family." Then looked at Chaz and said, "I tried to meet you, but I heard the surgeons overruled me that day. And look the girls." He took his time and talked to each of the girls and ya'll Ryann actually talked back to him. She is very shy, so we were all three shocked that she talked. Then he asked if I got my autographed picture of us from Ward 57. I told him no, not yet. He said, I'll have someone check on that. Then we each took family shots. And then his had to get back to business. He apologized that they didn't have a cake for all of us to share, which would have been really cool!
It was time to go after that. Darienne, Obama's assistant came up to me to tell me who had my picture. I thought gees, you're good. Then she asked if I still had her card and I told her yes. She then asked for me to email her so she had a way to contact me. I told her I would also send her the blog and Team Allen sites so she could check them out. She and our intern Allison walked us out to the buses and I shared some of our story with them. Allison shook our hands and then departed. I got a nice hug from Darienne and promised I would email her today (which I already did, by the way).
Today was another great memory for the Allen family!
When we exited the buses we were all greeted by tons of staffers and security. All of the sudden I hear, "Jessica" and I turned to see President Obama's Assistant, Darienne. She came up and told me she was so excited to see our family on the list. She then told me that the President had talked about me quite a bit the day I met him. I was shocked. I thought well that's pretty darn cool. She remembered me. Maybe that's her job, but I was excited that she remembered me. She then met Chaz and the girls and we chatted for a few minutes. Then we were introduced to our very own intern for our visit. Ours was named Allison and she was from Yale and was super sweet. She was so excited. She was getting to go and see things that she has never seen before. All of the interns were so excited to be on the tour with us. They kept saying "oh my gosh," "look at this," "look at that," "this is cool."
We had to go through all the security checkpoints. Then we got to begin our tour of the East wing. We got to all over the "social side" of the White House. We got to go into the China room, or the "dish room" seen in the American President. We got to go into the Library, the sitting room and the room where Obama exits to go to his motorcade. There was so much history, is was amazing. We saw so many paintings and personal belongings, I was a very happy History/Poli Sci major today. We got to go upstairs and see where his party was going to be held. All of the sudden here comes a cute dog. Instantly I realize that's the first dog. "Eeekkk" was the first thing I wanted to say. Instead this really cool guys who was escorting the dog says, "Quick take a picture." I told him they said we weren't allowed. He said, "Whatever, I'll be right back. Your girls need a picture with this dog." The lady who originally said no pics walks up and says, "Wait for the room to clear out and you can take a pic with your girls and the dog." Ryann was so excited, she said, "Mom, we have to send that picture to Mrs. Gray (her kindergarten teacher) she read us a book about him." The lady and gentleman who let me take the picture were so excited that Ryann was excited. I am so glad that there are some really awesome people out there who want to help make memories special. I assured her I hadn't and wouldn't take any more pics. She said for such cuties, we can turn our heads and winked at me. Then we went into another room for a group photo.
We are getting all set up and are listening to one of the guards tell us about the room when poof, in walks President Obama. I was so excited. I got to meet him back in June while Chaz was in surgery and I wanted the rest of my family to meet him too. We took our group shots and then Obama said that he wanted to meet everyone for the first time or again. Then we started singing Happy Birthday to him. You could tell he enjoyed that. He then went along and shook everyone's hand and stopped, looked at me and said, "Oh good, you brought the family." Then looked at Chaz and said, "I tried to meet you, but I heard the surgeons overruled me that day. And look the girls." He took his time and talked to each of the girls and ya'll Ryann actually talked back to him. She is very shy, so we were all three shocked that she talked. Then he asked if I got my autographed picture of us from Ward 57. I told him no, not yet. He said, I'll have someone check on that. Then we each took family shots. And then his had to get back to business. He apologized that they didn't have a cake for all of us to share, which would have been really cool!
It was time to go after that. Darienne, Obama's assistant came up to me to tell me who had my picture. I thought gees, you're good. Then she asked if I still had her card and I told her yes. She then asked for me to email her so she had a way to contact me. I told her I would also send her the blog and Team Allen sites so she could check them out. She and our intern Allison walked us out to the buses and I shared some of our story with them. Allison shook our hands and then departed. I got a nice hug from Darienne and promised I would email her today (which I already did, by the way).
Today was another great memory for the Allen family!
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| The girls with Bo! |
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
You're thanking me for what?!
The first couple of times I was thanked for staying with Chaz, I thought to myself, you're kidding right?! You are thanking me for being with my husband, really?! I had no idea spouses, girlfriends and other family members abandoning these guys was an issue.That would because I was in my happy bubble again!
Sunday I was thanked again for staying by my hubby's side. Again it was a mother of a solider. Again I got to hear another horror story of how the wife couldn't take it. She said her son's wife almost made it four full weeks. She said that the wife would come in drunk and make fun of her son for being hurt and that she wiped out their bank accounts and that they have no idea where she is. She said that he is better off, but it will be a while before he realizes this. It never gets any easier to hear these stories.
This is not the first time (and I fear it will not be the last time) I have heard this story. Actually, I've heard stories like these several times. Once I had a mom come up to me at an event with tears in her eyes. She told me that I am a diamond in the rough. She said she had been watching me with Chaz and the kids and was just amazed at how amazing our family is. She said she couldn't believe how well behaved our girls are. She also said she was amazed at how I became Chaz's nurse once the alarm on his phone went off and I got up to give him his meds. She said thank you so much for staying with him and doing what is best for your family. At first I didn't know what to say. But I thanked her for her kind words and then asked how her son was doing. Then in our conversation I found out her soon-to-be ex-daughter-in-law didn't make it one week. She said her son got over it a lot faster than she ever imagined and she doesn't know how he did it. She said I guess it wasn't true love. But she said the wife just said she couldn't handle it and she just left. The wife didn't ask for anything except the divorce. The mom said that made it so much easier. Then she was telling me some of the other horror stories she has heard from the other moms. She then went onto to say that moms size the wives up quick. She said there was a lot of talk about me. She said everyone admires that I am always smiling and always asking about the other guys. I am so glad that's what they talk about in regards to me.
We went on to talk about how there are moms and then there are wives and there's not a lot of bridging that gap. There's a lot of resentment. I have seen of this, but since I don't care who you are and what you do, so I've been able to bridge that gap. I'm going to be nice to you no matter what. You want to judge me behind my back, go right ahead, I have bigger problems to deal with.
We have become friends with a lot of moms and wives. But the moms tend to do the motherly thing and protect their sons, which is more than understandable. The wives tend to be the fighters, they seem to always be on the edge ready to pounce. Now there are some wives and moms who possess both traits. I think I possess both. I am very overprotective of my crew but I am also not afraid to fight at any time! It is said that some women here can't bridge that gap. Some don't want to talk to the moms because of what their own mom or mother-in-law treated them. And the moms don't want to be friends with the wives and girlfriends because of how their son's wife or girlfriend treated their son.
The bottom line is we ladies who are supporting the wounded warriors are freaking angry. We have to figure out how to put that anger aside and become friends. Instead we find ourselves building walls because we don't know who we can trust. The war on anger is not an easy war to win. I find myself angry all the time, but how can I not be. This journey is a constant battle. I fight with anger, pain, frustration and that's just some of the emotions. This doesn't include some of the other battles that we deal with everyday! But I always focus on the issue that I am angry with and not take it out on something or someone else. I don't see the anger going away anytime soon, but 99% of the time I can control and manage it. I am just so thankful for all these awesome people and organizations who are here to make life better. All of the blessings that have been given to us make everything so much easier.
I am also so thankful for such a kick ass husband. Chaz and I have been through hell and back. But you know what because we have each other we are able to carry on. We may be opposites but I guess you need those differences in order to get through all of this. We didn't realize how much we needed each other until Jan 22. This journey has been incredibly difficult, but I am so thankful that I am on this journey with him. God is great! He may put us in the middle of the storm, but He will always help us find a way out with faith, patience and time. I pray everyday that he too will bless these other families and they will find the blessings we have and that their road will also become a little easier.
Sunday I was thanked again for staying by my hubby's side. Again it was a mother of a solider. Again I got to hear another horror story of how the wife couldn't take it. She said her son's wife almost made it four full weeks. She said that the wife would come in drunk and make fun of her son for being hurt and that she wiped out their bank accounts and that they have no idea where she is. She said that he is better off, but it will be a while before he realizes this. It never gets any easier to hear these stories.
This is not the first time (and I fear it will not be the last time) I have heard this story. Actually, I've heard stories like these several times. Once I had a mom come up to me at an event with tears in her eyes. She told me that I am a diamond in the rough. She said she had been watching me with Chaz and the kids and was just amazed at how amazing our family is. She said she couldn't believe how well behaved our girls are. She also said she was amazed at how I became Chaz's nurse once the alarm on his phone went off and I got up to give him his meds. She said thank you so much for staying with him and doing what is best for your family. At first I didn't know what to say. But I thanked her for her kind words and then asked how her son was doing. Then in our conversation I found out her soon-to-be ex-daughter-in-law didn't make it one week. She said her son got over it a lot faster than she ever imagined and she doesn't know how he did it. She said I guess it wasn't true love. But she said the wife just said she couldn't handle it and she just left. The wife didn't ask for anything except the divorce. The mom said that made it so much easier. Then she was telling me some of the other horror stories she has heard from the other moms. She then went onto to say that moms size the wives up quick. She said there was a lot of talk about me. She said everyone admires that I am always smiling and always asking about the other guys. I am so glad that's what they talk about in regards to me.
We went on to talk about how there are moms and then there are wives and there's not a lot of bridging that gap. There's a lot of resentment. I have seen of this, but since I don't care who you are and what you do, so I've been able to bridge that gap. I'm going to be nice to you no matter what. You want to judge me behind my back, go right ahead, I have bigger problems to deal with.
We have become friends with a lot of moms and wives. But the moms tend to do the motherly thing and protect their sons, which is more than understandable. The wives tend to be the fighters, they seem to always be on the edge ready to pounce. Now there are some wives and moms who possess both traits. I think I possess both. I am very overprotective of my crew but I am also not afraid to fight at any time! It is said that some women here can't bridge that gap. Some don't want to talk to the moms because of what their own mom or mother-in-law treated them. And the moms don't want to be friends with the wives and girlfriends because of how their son's wife or girlfriend treated their son.
The bottom line is we ladies who are supporting the wounded warriors are freaking angry. We have to figure out how to put that anger aside and become friends. Instead we find ourselves building walls because we don't know who we can trust. The war on anger is not an easy war to win. I find myself angry all the time, but how can I not be. This journey is a constant battle. I fight with anger, pain, frustration and that's just some of the emotions. This doesn't include some of the other battles that we deal with everyday! But I always focus on the issue that I am angry with and not take it out on something or someone else. I don't see the anger going away anytime soon, but 99% of the time I can control and manage it. I am just so thankful for all these awesome people and organizations who are here to make life better. All of the blessings that have been given to us make everything so much easier.
I am also so thankful for such a kick ass husband. Chaz and I have been through hell and back. But you know what because we have each other we are able to carry on. We may be opposites but I guess you need those differences in order to get through all of this. We didn't realize how much we needed each other until Jan 22. This journey has been incredibly difficult, but I am so thankful that I am on this journey with him. God is great! He may put us in the middle of the storm, but He will always help us find a way out with faith, patience and time. I pray everyday that he too will bless these other families and they will find the blessings we have and that their road will also become a little easier.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Our Night with Rick Allen of Def Leppard
We were invited to the concert and meet and greet several weeks ago. We always say yes to things and then decide at that morning if we're going or not. That's the way we have to do things. We never know when a bad day is coming. So we say yes today and confirm later. Every family we know also has this policy.
Chaz's awesome OT Stephanie volunteered to watch the cuties. When she showed up we were out the door and headed back to Walter Reed to meet the bus at the Malogne House. We had a super comfy bus for our less than an hour ride.
We got to go and park back behind the stage. We unloaded and we were escorted backstage. It was really cool to go back there and see all the truck lined up and organized. The guide explained to us how everything worked. The I walked towards the stage so I could see the rockstar view! I took several pics.
Then we went back to our buses and had some pizza and waited for Rick Allen to arrive. He came and just sat down and just chilled with us. He talked and listened and he told us his story. For those of you who don't know, Rick was in a car accident when he was 21 and his left arm was severed because the seat belt was not properly fastened. He told us how he was laying in the hospital bed and decided he could not let his band mates down. He said they put this thing at the foot of his bed to help him sit up and one day he started tapping his feet on it. Then he realized he could still be a drummer and began to figure out how to adapt his drums. He said it was that simple. He just didn't want to disappoint anyone and that drove him to keep moving forward. Then he told us about how his body just adapted and everything just became easier everyday.
Then he told us about how he got involved in the Wounded Warrior Project. He said he wanted to just show the soldiers that he carried on and that he wanted to just help them. But instead he was inspired by them. He said at that point he decided he would meet as many soldiers as possible. He then went around and met all of us. When I introduced us as Chaz and Jessica Allen, Rick said, "No way, you're an Allen too. That's really your last name?" I told yes it is. It was so funny, he said he'd never met another Allen before. I told him around here, there's a ton of us. We all then went to take pictures.
The whole time we were there, I thought of my big brother, John. He is a huge Def Leppard fan and I mean huge. I know all of their songs because of him. We took our pic first and were off to the side and it dawned on me I bet he'd take a pic for John if I asked. Another lady had a similar thought and called her mom and Rick got on the phone and said hello. I then said hey can I take a pic for my brother. He said here let's call him. I said that's a great idea but unfortunately he won't be able to hear you. I explained to Rick that my big brother lost his hearing due to rocking out to Def Leppard in his car after our Mom told him many times to turn the music down. Rick said, "No way." Chaz said, "Yes way he has a hearing aide for both ears." Rick says, "Then we need to send him a great pic." He asked, "What does your brother do now?" I said, "He runs his own business tinting windows, putting in stereos all of the above." He said, "So he lost his hearing and still rocks out?" I said, "Everyday just like you." We took the pic and then I got a big hug. Chaz and I would have given anything for my big brother to have been there! But we shared his story with Rick and we took lots of pics just for him and even got him a T-shirt. I was texting with John all night too!
Rick of course had to get back to his rockstar duties and we had to go find our seats. Unfortunately the row they gave us did not have a handicapped accessible seat so the event floor manager moved us to even better seats! The staff at the concert was so helpful and they made sure we had everything we needed and even checked on us during the night. We did have fun freaking out the teenagers. You see we only had one ticket and it was for me, because they forgot Chaz's. This is why management had to get involved. So when we left our seats and tried to get back in the teeny-boppers would flip. "But you only have one ticket," one teen said. So I pulled Chaz off to the side and said to the girl ,"See that lady, she's your manager and she knows what's going on, so go send your buddy to go ask her." But luckily the manager saw us and came over to take care of it. She apologized and we told her, hey they are just trying to do a good job. We were all teenagers once.
I made Chaz happy because we found Italian Ice and popcorn. Of course we had to take out a loan and sign Deryn's college fund over to get them, but he was happy. I did notice the concessions were operated by a High School Music program and they got a share of the proceeds so that was pretty cool.
The concert was awesome!!!!! Heart and Def Leppard know how to entertain and rock the house. If they are coming to a town near you, go see them! I know I'd go again, I bet Chaz would too!
Chaz's awesome OT Stephanie volunteered to watch the cuties. When she showed up we were out the door and headed back to Walter Reed to meet the bus at the Malogne House. We had a super comfy bus for our less than an hour ride.
We got to go and park back behind the stage. We unloaded and we were escorted backstage. It was really cool to go back there and see all the truck lined up and organized. The guide explained to us how everything worked. The I walked towards the stage so I could see the rockstar view! I took several pics.
Then we went back to our buses and had some pizza and waited for Rick Allen to arrive. He came and just sat down and just chilled with us. He talked and listened and he told us his story. For those of you who don't know, Rick was in a car accident when he was 21 and his left arm was severed because the seat belt was not properly fastened. He told us how he was laying in the hospital bed and decided he could not let his band mates down. He said they put this thing at the foot of his bed to help him sit up and one day he started tapping his feet on it. Then he realized he could still be a drummer and began to figure out how to adapt his drums. He said it was that simple. He just didn't want to disappoint anyone and that drove him to keep moving forward. Then he told us about how his body just adapted and everything just became easier everyday.
Then he told us about how he got involved in the Wounded Warrior Project. He said he wanted to just show the soldiers that he carried on and that he wanted to just help them. But instead he was inspired by them. He said at that point he decided he would meet as many soldiers as possible. He then went around and met all of us. When I introduced us as Chaz and Jessica Allen, Rick said, "No way, you're an Allen too. That's really your last name?" I told yes it is. It was so funny, he said he'd never met another Allen before. I told him around here, there's a ton of us. We all then went to take pictures.
The whole time we were there, I thought of my big brother, John. He is a huge Def Leppard fan and I mean huge. I know all of their songs because of him. We took our pic first and were off to the side and it dawned on me I bet he'd take a pic for John if I asked. Another lady had a similar thought and called her mom and Rick got on the phone and said hello. I then said hey can I take a pic for my brother. He said here let's call him. I said that's a great idea but unfortunately he won't be able to hear you. I explained to Rick that my big brother lost his hearing due to rocking out to Def Leppard in his car after our Mom told him many times to turn the music down. Rick said, "No way." Chaz said, "Yes way he has a hearing aide for both ears." Rick says, "Then we need to send him a great pic." He asked, "What does your brother do now?" I said, "He runs his own business tinting windows, putting in stereos all of the above." He said, "So he lost his hearing and still rocks out?" I said, "Everyday just like you." We took the pic and then I got a big hug. Chaz and I would have given anything for my big brother to have been there! But we shared his story with Rick and we took lots of pics just for him and even got him a T-shirt. I was texting with John all night too!
Rick of course had to get back to his rockstar duties and we had to go find our seats. Unfortunately the row they gave us did not have a handicapped accessible seat so the event floor manager moved us to even better seats! The staff at the concert was so helpful and they made sure we had everything we needed and even checked on us during the night. We did have fun freaking out the teenagers. You see we only had one ticket and it was for me, because they forgot Chaz's. This is why management had to get involved. So when we left our seats and tried to get back in the teeny-boppers would flip. "But you only have one ticket," one teen said. So I pulled Chaz off to the side and said to the girl ,"See that lady, she's your manager and she knows what's going on, so go send your buddy to go ask her." But luckily the manager saw us and came over to take care of it. She apologized and we told her, hey they are just trying to do a good job. We were all teenagers once.
I made Chaz happy because we found Italian Ice and popcorn. Of course we had to take out a loan and sign Deryn's college fund over to get them, but he was happy. I did notice the concessions were operated by a High School Music program and they got a share of the proceeds so that was pretty cool.
The concert was awesome!!!!! Heart and Def Leppard know how to entertain and rock the house. If they are coming to a town near you, go see them! I know I'd go again, I bet Chaz would too!
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